Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

Really you'd have sent that to your mum about her deceased mother's money?

I agree you should just be able to ask, but a text?!

That sounds overly emotive to me. Perhaps they promised in haste, during a grief period where they were overwhelmed.

I wouldnt have taken it seriously to be honest. Similar thing happened with my mum, she has come into some money a few years back, she said that my sister and I would have it, nothing more has been mentioned and I wouldnt dream of expecting it, I thought it was odd at the time to be honest, not sure why me and my sister would have it.

Its not about whehter you love someone. Its interesting also that its not just OPs mum, the aunt seems to have done the same. We assume.

Your mum and aunty changed their mind. You don’t have a legal entitlement to the money as I understand it.

There are many reasons why they could have changed their minds. One could be that they needed money (not necessarily now but in the future, maybe care home fees). Or they are worried that one/ all
of the grandchildren might not spend the money wisely so better to hold it back for a time. Or perhaps they think you’ll all inherit eventually so better to hold on to it until then and in the meantime you are all fit and active enough to earn your own money.

I would consider having a quick chat with your mum along the lines of you understand it’s hers but you were wondering whether she is planning to gift any money at any point, but very light touch. If she’d wanted you to have it she’d have given it by now.

@Rachie1973 I think you need to read the OP again.

After giving everyone £4k each, they’d be left with £85k. This was money they weren’t expecting. This isn’t the bulk of the estate. It’s the miscellaneous assets that were thought to be worth just £15k. So Mum and Aunt have the estate (presume house etc) plus an extra £100k that they weren’t expecting. Surely they could give the grandchildren the £5k each they promised them?

This is going to sound like a soap storyline but, here goes. All of my siblings have different dads. My sisters have pretty shit dads, but, one of them ended up marrying an actual millionaire. Money has genuinely never been an issue for them. Fine. Now, back to the shit dads thing. One of my grandparents left me out of her will because my dad has a better job than my sister’s dads. Granted, I don’t know when this will was drawn up. My mum, aunt, and sisters… all in the will. I was left out, and told my dad will “help me.” My dad has since started a new family, still has a job, but is now responsible for a severely autistic 16 year old boy, who will never be able to be independent.

I don’t think anyone owes us anything, but… the things people use to make decisions… just baffle me.

Aw that's rubbish!

The thing is, if your Mum hadn't promised you £4k, you wouldn't be feeling like you missed out. It's being told you're getting it, getting excited, and then having the rug pulled out from under you!

FIL did similar to DH. Told him he was going to gift him £50k, and then told him a few months later that he'd changed his mind (no apparent reason either, it's small change to FIL). It's horrible, because DH had started making plans in his mind. I think once you've told someone you're giving them money, that you really should follow through. Otherwise it's a bit cruel.

You don’t need insight.

your turn will come when your mother dies.

it’s their money to keep or share out as they see fit. Did you expect them to split it 4 ways for you all and take nothing themselves?

why did you not ask for a keepsake 4 years ago?

But it was 6 times more than they expected anyway. You could understand if they thought it would be 100k and turned out to be 15k but not the other way round.

Missing a generation can be quite good estate planning. There is little point leaving a large estate to children who are themselves middle aged and comfortably off, or possibly in ill health, when you can leave it to your grandchildren and miss out a double hit of inheritance tax. I don't have children so my nieces will inherit, or that's what my current will says, at some point in the future I may revise that to provide legacies to their children.

Of course, people can change their minds about anything. They can leave their spouse, quit their job, move house, cancel a holiday, and decide not to give someone something they’d promised. It’s not a very nice thing to do though, especially to people you love.

I suppose it depends on your priorities - being kind, or defending your rights!

Same way a man or woman breaks a vow.

It happens.

Not saying it is excusable, it isn't. But the OP is on a hiding to nothing and i would cut off those who promised me something i am no longer getting

Yes, you hadn't quite got to my next post where I say I don't understand why they didn't do that.

My only answer is that possibly once they took everyone's 4,000 out, the sum was less useful in terms of good term deposit/investment returns. Lump sums do whittle away with a few grand here, a few grand there!

I think it's very unfortunate that the OP's mother made that promise before she knew whether she would definitely be keeping it. I do have some sympathy for her though and think that financial insecurity can become more of a worry in retirement.

I had an inheritance nearly a decade ago and made the decision to pass nearly half of it on to my children straight away because they were at a stage of life where it would be very useful for them. I was still working and had no anxieties about doing this.

I'm likely to receive another inheritance sometime in the future, but my feelings about passing it on have gradually changed. I'm now retired and not being able to earn additional cash if it's ever needed due to major problems with the house or some other emergency. This will probably make me want to hang onto it more. I think in my case I would probably make gifts to my children and grandchildren in line with the HMRC limits every year, even if I don't feel confident enough to pass on a lump sum.

I think OP needs to talk to her mother about what her plans are for the money. I think disappointment is understandable, but the bitterness is unreasonable because there was never any obligation to pass on any money under the law.

Ok, so they’re legally entitled. But among my friends and family, most parents of adult children who have inherited from their own parents, have passed on at least part of it, and in some cases most or all of it.

So I do think the OP’s mother and aunt are being pretty bloody mean.

People do have the right to change their minds.

It's always hard to ask for money for yourself but could you ask your mum about the money and say how much it will help your brother? That way yoy look altruistic rather than money grabbing but any response she gives is likely to apply to you all. Whilst she is not legally obliged to give the money to you, reneging on her promise of £4k is pretty mean and very tight considering she and your aunt would still have over £40k each left from the assets.

@Diosmonet why would the Mum and Aunt break their promise though?

Yep MIL has done the same, after FIL passed DH & siblings inheritance is tied up in trust in the house (all completely normal) and MIL inherited cash, which obviously and legally is completely hers. She made a HUGE song and dance about making fairly sizeable regular gifts to all the grandchildren, which in all honesty DH and his siblings found tough to hear as they are all in financial situations where a £5/10k would really make a difference (eg new car needed, no holiday for years)

Anyway, MIL has not made a single gift to anyone, which is completely her decision to make, and no one would expect it, if she hadn’t promised it.

Thems the breaks.

There was no will so the OP needs to forget about it.

I totally understand how you feel OP.
That money would make a huge difference to you and pretty insignificant to your mum and auntie.
I appreciate your resentment which is likely to worsen.
I would be inclined to bring it up with her.
Take care OP

But why not just give them the original £4k that they promised?

It doesn't matter how you feel, or what you think will make your life easier, the money wasn't explicitly left to you.

It isn't a huge amount so all you can do is move on.

I find it so icky that anyone can think they are entitled to money above their parent - who is the child of the benefactor.

Move on and earn your own money.

And its not money grabbing - if your mum told you that she was going to give you a free sofa and then the sofa never materialised, and you text asking if she was still planning on giving you a sofa, its not 'sofa grabbing' its just being normal - much weirder for you both to pretend the conversation never happened!

This thread is demonstrating more than ever that some people can’t be bothered to read!!

For those who struggle with paragraphs:-

1. OP knows she’s not legally entitled to anything.
2. There wasn’t a will
3. Mum and Aunt promised the grandchildren a share of some of the assets
4. The assets turned out to be worth more than expected, but rather than getting more than expected, the grandchildren have got nothing