Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

But telling them something isn't the same as having a will.

I didn’t expect this to blow up so fast…and wow some of these responses are wild.

Those who decided to be rude rather than helpful - go and get a hug off someone, you clearly need it.

to answer some queries:

1. there is no will
2. I know I’m not legally entitled to anything and I have no intention of legally pursuing anything
3. I haven’t asked my cousins whether they’ve received anything for a while - this is a good idea and I will check with them
4. I think that I would have been less bothered if we weren’t promised the money from these assets.
5. my brother and I have not been given the originally promised 4k

There's nothing immoral about two daughters inheriting from their mother. The OP will just need to wait her turn.

Did you miss the bit where op said her mum and aunt told the 4 grandchildren they would each get a share of the grandmother's assets? That's how they knew. They were told.

YANBU

Its not grabby to be told that you are getting a share from the sale of an item and to expect to receive it. Its shitty for them to offer something when they thought it was relatively low vaule and then keep it on finding out it is worth more.

That it is legal (if @Virgoschild and her cousins are not named in the will) doesnt stop it being immoral. They were promised something and then it was taken away when it turned out to be worth more than the mother and aunty thought.

You're family.

I dont understand why you haven't just asked Hey Mum, you know you said we'd get that 4k? Well I could really do with it. Am I getting it? No worries if not but just wanted to know?

And then you'll know.

But it was 6 times more than they expected anyway. You could understand if they thought it would be 100k and turned out to be 15k but not the other way round.

If there's no will, you're entitled to nothing. The rules of intestancy split the funds between your Mum and Aunt. It is their money.

Stop being so grabby. The money is not yours. If gran had wanted you to have it, she'd have written a will and left it to you.

This is for England and Wales.

https://www.gov.uk/search-will-probate

This is for Scotland.

https://www.ros.gov.uk/services/order-deeds/wills

My maternal grandmother passed around 4 years ago without a will. My mum was dealing with the estate and tbh the passing is still very raw for her.

It was clear that proceeds of my grandmothers property would be split between her daughters (my mum and aunty) and there was going to be about £15k misc assets/cash which was promised (by my mum and aunty) to be split between all the ‘grandchildren’ I.e. me, my brother and 2 cousins. we’d get about £4k each.

Anyway, these assets were valued and came in at £100k (not £15k!). These have been sold and my mum and aunty have kept the proceeds. Grandchildren have received nothing and it does not appear that we will be receiving anything. There has been no further conversation about this. No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.

Instead, my mum has mentioned ‘treating’ us now and again. Paying for a meal out or getting us gifts such as jewellery. For context, these gifts arent expensive or frequent and there is absolutely no indication that she’ll be gifting us stuff to the value of the above btw.

My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.

A large lump sum could really change all our lives. It could go towards a deposit for a house or pay privately for an operation that my brother is on a NHS waiting list for - tbf more cosmetic than health related. So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.

I feel angry that my mum didn’t follow through on this. Coupled with the fact that we haven’t been gifted anything of meaning from my grandmothers possessions I am feeling somewhat resentful.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

So AIBU? Also if anyone has any insight which might help me understand my mums position, I’d appreciate it.

Haven't read all the posts but am sure you'll be told you're 'grabby' by a number of posters.

I don't think you are. I've been on the receiving end of financial promises from my family that have never materialised and it's really upsetting. My sister has had endless handouts from my parents, who've always said they'll make it fair in the end, now it turns out they're doing no such thing. It's their money to do with as they want, but don't make promises you're not going to keep. They've got a history of doing this anyway. Said when I was at university that they'd give me enough money that I wouldn't get into debt. They gave me no money until the third year, when I got really ill and they pretty much had to. I've never asked them for a penny but this idea of an 'inheritance' has been lorded over me my whole life and now it turns out there probably isn't one. Ah well.

Anyway, families can really suck. But I don't know yours and they might not be like mine at all - is there any chance your mum just can't deal with this right now, and will make good on her promises once she's not reeling from grief any more?

From experience of this sort of family nonesense, the 'promiser' liked the warm fuzzy feeling they got from making the promise but when it actually came to handing over the cash they didnt want to lose the control.

Doling out little pointless gifts allows them to continue the warm fuzzy feelings.

Can you I never knew that ??