Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

Then re- re read.

Ma and Aunty received the whole estate split between them, mainly Grans property, presumably her home. "Misc items/assets" that Ma and Aunty thought worth about £15k ish were to be sold and the proceeds split between the grandchildren as a gift. Then, on discovering it was worth about £100k, the grandchildren were excited as they thought that it meant that they would still receive the proceeds of the sale but that it was now worth £25k ish each.

At this point Ma and Aunty (or at least Ma) decided that it wasnt being passed to the grandchildren after all and they were keeping it as it was worth so much more. They made a promise and broke it.

So Ma and Aunty got the proceeds of the house sale and promised the money from sale of other items to the grandkids, until it was clear just how much they were worth, and decided to keep the money for themselves. Clear now?

It’s doesn’t matter. The OP can’t control anyone else’s choices.

Your mother was fairly awful to promise something and then not follow through, but not much you can do.

How is that similar? While money generally passes to spouses and children, there is no standard passing on to grandchildren and OP's grandmother made no made no promises to her about any assets.

I completely agree

Sadly a lot of elderly people don't make a will but expect their immediate legal beneficiaries to "do the right thing" to give something to grandchildren/great grandchildren etc.

Unfortunately, a lot of the time (in my experience) it doesn't happen and those who inherit just sit on the money in a bank account, money they don't actually need and won't spend. They have the attitude that their children (i.e. grandchildren of the deceased) will "get it when they're gone".

The older generation don't seem to appreciate the financial problems that younger people face today with ridiculously high housing costs in particular but also childcare costs, not to mention lack of decent jobs etc, and so many younger people make "Lifestyle" decisions due to insufficient money such as not having children or only having one child etc. That indirectly affects the "beneficiary" of the will who ends up with fewer grandchildren or a son/daughter who's had to move away to find decent job opportunities etc.

I think there should be more of a push for older people to make wills at the very least, but also for them to make specific provision in their wills for their grandchildren and great grandchildren. I do see it occasionally when dealing with the estate of a deceased person and also when discussing inheritance tax with current clients (wills are a big part of IHT planning!), and I always try to "encourage" elderly clients to think of leaving something to their grandchildren in their wills.

Unfortunately a lot of their immediate descendants take it badly when their parent(s) leave some or all of their estate to the grandchildren and I really struggle to understand why in many cases when the immediate descendants are adequately "well off" themselves and don't need all the inheritance, i.e. mortgage paid off, decent jobs and/or pensions etc. and you just know the money is going to be stuck in a bank account earning bugger all interest for a decade or two until they die, and in the meantime the grandchildren are struggling and could really do with a "leg up".

OP your mum made her promise in the shadow of grief without knowing the full details of the estate. You should probably have taken that promise with a pinch of salt.

Then, once the value of those assets was known, to have made an assumption (without confirming) that the full value would be dispersed to you, rather than something in keeping with the value the assets were initially expected to be, was not reasonable.

I think you have let yourself get carried away with the idea that this "life changing" amount is owed to you rather than the reality which is that your mother had lost her own mum and was in the midst of sorting out the estate with all the emotional and legal baggage that contains, when she said she would pass on to you a relatively modest sum. This is what she has gone back on. It wasn't wise to promise it when she did, but people in the midst of grief and what probably initially seemed like a huge sum of money do sometimes get carried away. It's why you should have probably taken the promise with a pinch of salt and said something more along the lines of "Why don't you see where you stand when the estate's settled, and if your finances are looking solid and you'd like to pass some on to us grandchildren then, we will, of course, be delighted to receive it."

If she has form for dangling money in front of you and then withdrawing the offer then this is probably just an extension of that and you should adjust your expectations and behaviour towards her accordingly. But if this is unusual for her, it's probably that when the figures all came in, all the debts and fees were paid off and she looked at what her share meant for her, she regretted what she said or didn't remember it. In which case your anger is misplaced. This was always your mothers money, not yours and you have failed to give her the space, understanding and support (at least in this regard) that someone grieving a parent deserves.

A similar thing happened to me when my grandmother died, There was no legally binding will, but the grandchildren were meant to get £5k each. Instead £5k was split between us all. Well, it didn’t turn out to be a full £5k actually. It was rounded down.

I think rather than all of you get together and speak to your mum about it , you could have a chat with her privately and basically say what you have said in your post and get it out in the open.
You may regret it if you don't and it will always be in the back of your mind.
I got a copy of my Grandmothers will in the end as my parents split and my Dad ran off with a younger woman and spent it all.

I don't respect people who can't keep their word. So if this was my mum and auntie, I'd have a problem with it purely for that reason.

OP hasnt answered about the type of property or my query about IHT implications or consideration of deprivation of assets, has this been talked about, is this likely to be the reason?

Because of this bit.

‘So when we were told about the increase in value we all got really excited thinking what this means to us all.’

really doesn’t read that they expected £4k. Why be excited about the larger amount?

I reread. I stand by my opinion.

I had similar when my Mother passed away. She had around £100k in the bank which she'd always said (to both us and to my step father) that her money would be split between the siblings as step father had his own savings of equal value and also lived in my mother's house - which would come to us after both of their deaths. She died suddenly without a will. Step father kept all of her money and the house.

Your mum essentially offered you around £4,000 from her inheritance but because of the mistake over valuing you think you should get more of her money. ("No acknowledgment of what was promised or any increase discussed.")To the extent that you're listing the things you could do with the money. That is where you're coming across as if you've got £££ signs in your eyes. It's not for you to decide whether or not your mother 'needs' her inheritance. It's her inheritance full stop. If you'd said to her, of course you wouldn't expect to receive more money than she initially thought she was offering maybe you'd be in a different situation now. Or maybe not, given that four years after her mother's death she's still extremely upset and not coping. That's quite a long time, and she could maybe use some support - with no strings attached.

It isn’t, but as far as I can tell from her post, OP didn’t at any point think that she was in the will, and her mother and auntie didn’t think OP was in the will either. The OP was told she would get £4k, on the basis that her mother and aunt knew they would be the only ones to inherit and had chosen to pass on some of the money to their children.

Some PPs are answering as though OP thought she was in the will to the tune of £4k, but then it turned out she wasn’t in the will but expected her mother to cough up anyway. I don’t think that’s the case- who would inherit was known by everyone involved all along, but then the mother and auntie told the grandchildren that they had chosen to pass on a share.

OP is not legally entitled to the money, and her mother and auntie haven’t done anything legally wrong. But, I think it’s perfectly reasonable to believe your own parent when they say they are going to give you a cash gift.

My own son is still young but in the future, if I told him I was going to give him a cash gift, especially a specific amount, I’m sure he would believe me. I’m his mum, he ought to be able to trust that I mean what I say, especially about something significant like that. Even when he’s a grown man. And if I suddenly found myself in a position where I could no longer follow through, I would at least let him know instead of leaving him wondering! Alternatively, if I wasn’t 100% sure I would be giving it, I wouldn’t mention giving him money in the first place until I was ready to commit.

I find it really, really strange to think that anyone would offer their children money, change their mind, and just not say anything.

Actually thats sort of implied in the OP, thats how I read it. Perhaps thats not what OP meant

The other assets would be split 4 ways, so either 15k or 100k but still split 4 ways

The mother - no idea about the aunty - IS passing on some money, just not as cash or with the speed the OP wants, it's coming in the form of "treats". Yes OP is understandably pissed off at not getting the 4k but the expectation that she'd get more when she was never told it would be more than that is why she's being called grabby. And she is benefiting from the money, just not in the way she wants.

No answer to my question about savings so seems like OP may not have saved anything towards a deposit.

OP if you dont have a lifetime ISA then use that as an excuse to ask your mother for help. Say you'd like to start saving towards a deposit in the ISA and you are raising it now because they wont be available much longer and the replacement scheme may be less generous. Your mother may not have thought about helping you set one up. If she does have doubts about your ability to save she might see the benefit of that.

@Rachie1973 why did you say that OP was expecting her Mum and Aunt to split the inheritance 4 ways and keep nothing for themselves? Because that is not what OP said. As I said, I’d suggest having another read.

I don’t. I stand by what I said. Her turn will come.

Well, obviously. But why say something if you don't mean it. It is still hurtful to make a promise to someone you love and then go back on it without any explanation or even mention. Weird way to treat your children.

You'd rather sit with resentment than attempt a difficult conversation?

You're resentful after quite a bit of time and I think that'd be more damaging to your relationship with your mother.

If you can't let it go- just ask her.

Read the OP.

@PorridgeEater OP’s Mum has £50k more than she expected, on top of the original inheritance. You’d think that having promised her kids £4k each before knowing she was getting that extra £50k, she’d be feeling less worried about money than before, not more worried.

If there was no will I am not sure why you think you have an entitlement?

I think the OP knows there is no legal basis for claim but she is disappointed by her mum and Aunty for no following through with a promise they made.
The fact that it hasn’t been raised in conversation makes it difficult.

i can’t imagine not sharing this with my adult children especially if I was comfortable and they were not.