Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

But the mum and aunt said the grandchildren would get the proceeds of the items. In my mind that's a promise.

Not sure why you feel entitled to anything here. The vast majority of estates pass to next of kin, usually spouse or dc. Where you die intestate this is generally what happens.

Your mum/aunty were only ever considering passing a relatively small amount to you, there's no reason they would have to pass you a share of a much larger pot and either way its entirely in their gift and it would be generous if they chose to do so. Its definitely not a legal issue.

Its a shame she suggested she would give you some then hasn't. I think its common for people to imagine they'll generously share before they actually receive something, then find it harder to follow through and actually hand over large sums. My father use to talk about how he'd share out anything he inherited and wouldn't When it came to it and he received around £60k, he gave my siblings and i a couple of grand each. I didn't mind, it was his windfall not mine.

I think that other people can seem well off, but that might not be how your mum feels, so it's kind of irrelevant what you think. It's not about perceived need - that money was a gift from her mother, who she clearly is upset to have lost. If I inherited money, I would think very carefully about what I did with it. I would want to honor the dead relative's wishes and I definitely wouldn't give it to people who, "need" it if I thought they weren't going to make good use of it. At the same time, I am a mother and I can't imagine not wanting to help my children if I was in a position to do so.

Obviously you are not entitled to anything, but I think you could possibly ask about the 4K that your mum and aunt offered you. I think you could say you feel awkward bringing it up, but that you are wondering what the status of it is. It's a bit weird for your mum not to keep you in the loop. If your mum has changed her mind, then that's her right, but it would be at least good to know for sure.

I think for the sake of 4K I would personally prefer to keep my dignity and not ask though. would probably view my mum differently though - why make it clear she will give you a gift, then not follow through? It is a bit strange.

You’ll get what’s coming when your parents die if you’re in the will. The money is theirs. It’s bad reneging on a promise but they can, and have. Move on

I feel for you OP and both my husband and I have been in similar situations. My dad died suddenly without a will and his wife kept everything without a backwards glance. When my husband's gran died she left a considerable amount to his mum and aunt. His mum bought a massive house that is far bigger than she needs. I realise this is an investment but by the time he gets anything it'll be when he's past the time in his life when he could really do with it and will likely just pass it straight on to our children. I'm afraid on here you'll get told that this attitude is grabby but I think things are different now that people live longer and everything is so much more expensive.

Promises are unfortunately only worth the paper they're written on.

My grandmother promised my sisters and I would receive all her jewellery upon her passing. Lots of hereditary jewellery passed down the female line sort of thing. She had no daughters, and we were her only granddaughters. When the sad day happened, it turned out there was no will. My uncle was the administrator (think that's the term when it's intestate rather than executor) and passed all the jewellery on to his cousins. My sister's and I got nothing. He knew perfectly well that his mother wished to pass down the jewellery to us, but he hated my mother and couldn't stand to have us benefit more than what what he had to give to my dad as part of the estate.

So yeah. You can know what the person intended, but without the will as a legal contract it means nothing once they're gone.

You could ask your mum "it's totally fine if you've changed your mind, but I just wanted to check.. you know you said me and the cousins might get £4k from grans estate? Have you decided not to do that?"

YANBU, my mother said similar when she inherited from her mother, then when she got the money never mentioned it again and neither me or my sibling ever saw anything. She also happily talks about how we probably shouldn't expect to inherit anything from her.

It is what it is - I wish she'd never said anything rather than having said she'd do one thing then changed her mind and not done it, but I have never raised it with her. I think my sister was more annoyed than I was, but my mum also has form for saying she's going to gift money or pay for things, and she rarely follows through tbh.

Or alternatively rather than grabby you could see it as the daughter is the only one currently working and therefore paying her mum's pension and until very recently also paying her grandmother's pension, she might feel that it would be nice if they returned some of that largesse.

It also doesn't say the grandchildren are struggling - brother wants a cosmetic procedure done and OP was hoping for a house deposit but no info given about savings/jobs. I don't think we can consider it struggling based on the info we have.

Also, sorry, you can’t see anything to be grateful for to parents outside of them providing their offspring with money? That’s rather skewed values isn’t it?

No where did the op say her parents were rolling in money. That’s your choice of words
trumpisvomitous.

Her mum is retired. Is perfectly possible to have assets and not much spare spending money. And at her mum’s age, no one knows what the future holds about care home fees or social care.

That’s all beside the point anyway. OP’s gm decided to entrust the money to her dd and not her gd. So it’s her mum’s call.

be grateful you still have your parents
Parents who are rolling in money and yet won't help their children who are struggling, I can't see anything to be grateful for @Allbutterwaffle68

I totally agree! Op you are young and at the start of your life with opportunities to work and invest. Your mum’s chances to earn are over. This financial gift from your mum is the only opportunity she will have to inherit.

Do you know how much the experts are saying one has to have in reserve for care in old age nowadays? It’s frightening! Have a Google!

I am sure in time that the money will come to you and your brother. You don’t know if your mum will be investing in some savings products for your both or not? Either way it’s entirely up to her.

Maybe she does not want your brother spending the money on a cosmetic procedure and maybe she feels you need to prove yourself a bit more in terms of spending and saving before she is happy passing it over? Who knows? But it’s her decision to make.

Sorry op, I can understand you being disappointed, but I can’t stand it (and you see it so much on here nowadays) when posters say something like;

“My mum is financially stable. No mortgage, recently retired, decent pension, my dad still works. My aunty is in a similar position. The inheritance hasn’t really made a significant impact on their lives.”

Sorry to sound harsh but I would be tempted to leave you out of the inheritance simply for making breathtakingly arrogant assumptions about whether your mum needs or deserves the money left to her by her own mother, more than you do!

You are neither qualified or entitled to make that decision I’m afraid.

You said “it was clear” that money was going to be left to you but based on what evidence?

Maybe your mum or grandmother have changed their minds. And that’s their prerogative too.

If your grandmother had a burning desire to give you and your sibling and cousins something directly then she would have made it happen.

Op you have no idea what sacrifices your mum has made for you throughout her working life. She may be rich in assets in your eyes and have very little spending money. She will have plans for that money that may or may not involve you. And it’s up to you to wait and find out eventually, not badger your mother who is grieving. Grow up, stand on your own two feet, be grateful you still have your parents.

For exactly the same reason they leave money to the carer who visits 3 times a day, the neighbour who helps them. They may consider that leaving £200k to a charity is better than to children who have plenty of money of their own.

100% Yes. But in this case it wouldn't have helped because the grandmother herself wasn't the one promising the money to the grandchildren - it went to her children, and it was them who promised money to their children. We don't know whether the grandmother intended her grandchildren to inherit anything. As I've said above, I think it's a shame that so few grandparents leave anything to their grand children or great children, the generations who are nowadays the ones in greatest need of a leg up due to insane housing costs, childcare costs, etc. But I do the the tide turning a little and there are more elderly people leaving at least something monetary to their grandchildren these days. It's certainly something I often suggest/advocate for when I'm doing will/IHT planning, not just for IHT reasons but also just to help the younger generations - lots of elderly clients didn't even think about doing so until I suggested it!

And why they need to revise as they age and family circumstances change.

I think it's a shame that any money going to the grandchildren was ever mentioned before everything was sorted out and it was clear exactly how much money was involved and therefore what people's feelings and expectations would be surrounding it. I think at least the mother could have come back to the op and let her know that plans had changed for whatever reason. Equally, it would be a good idea for OP to raise it with her mother as others have suggested and just ask what is happening one way or the other.

However, I do think OP is unreasonable to have expected the £25k rather than the original £4k mentioned when it became clear the assets were worth more. I think that was quite entitled and if the 'excitement' that has been mentioned was conveyed to the mother and aunt it may go some way to explaining why there was a change of heart. It could have come across as quite crass. Obviously this may not be the case.

Also, I don't understand why OP has mentioned being upset about not being offered a keepsake. Why not ask for one? That's quite a normal thing to do. I wonder if any help was offered with clearing the house? That's what I did when my elderly aunt died - I went with my mum to clear the house and while there chose a couple of items to keep. I'm not saying you have to help to receive keepsakes - people aren't always in a position to help anyway - but if OP never mentioned any and perhaps was talking excitedly about the money, maybe the dm and aunt assumed that keepsakes weren't wanted. They also may have had enough to do with admin and grief etc and just didn't think of it.

Finally, I don't like this talk of the dm not needing the money as she has a decent pension and the father still works. Does OP know exactly how much the pension is and how much other money the dm has? Maybe the father would really like to stop working now? Who is the OP, and PPs on here, to decide these people don't need the money? Maybe it has made them feel financially secure for the first time and they are enjoying that feeling for a while and will help OP later on. I know it's a nightmare getting on the property ladder now but it's not true that everyone of the dm's generation has no money worries and should be happy to hand over thousands without a thought. It definitely shouldn't have been mentioned before the decision had been committed to though.

Well that would be a complete waste of £10

Death and inheritance brings out the worst in people. One of my neighbours died last year and all his family were interested in was whether he had any money.

It’s disappointing that the OP did not receive any of her grandmother’s estate. My parents willingly gave me some of their inheritance when my grandparents died.

You can buy a copy (of any) will online for £10.
That’s where I would be starting.
Good luck.

I think that's a good call. The GC can't split the instrument without selling it, and if it's that valuable presumably it has some cultural significance. If the charity is connected to the music, I'd say that makes perfect sense. Presumably that's not whole the extent of her estate.

Hope you can speak to your mum about this calmly OP. It sounds like she is grieving and perhaps doesn't want to make any decisions yet? What sort of a relationship do you have?

I don't blame you for being disappointed if it does turn out she doesn't give you anything.

Never understood why people leave to charity when they have family 😲

I think if in this case the charity would use the instrument rather than sell it then that would make sense.

That's a big if though!