Mum keeping whole of grandmother’s inheritance

That's a really shitty thing for your mum and aunt to do. I don't think I could look at my mum the same way ever again if she did that. Some people's true colours are shown when money is involved. A decent parent would stick to their word and would also not want to see their DC struggle whilst they sit on a sum of money they don't need.

The question is, does it matter if you "look grabby" to your mum? I come back to the point : what was explicitly and in all sobriety said by your mum and/or about this expected 4k each for the grandchildren? If something explicit was said that was heard by you all, then is your relationship with your mum so fragile that you can't ask why she has changed her mind? Be honest with yourself. When you heard the valuation was 100k you had ££££ in your head that you had already started mentally spending. That's not a criticism, that's how most people would be. But if you want to try to have an honest conversation with your mum, you need to have some honesty with yourself. You are posting here because you feel resentful of this change of mind and that's unlikely to just go away without discussion. The only person who can answer your question is you, and the only person who can give you the information you need to answer that question is your mum. Stick to the £4k figure in the conversation and try to come at it from a place of genuine curiosity rather than assumption/resentment. She has changed her mind. Why? Give her a chance to explain and give her a fair hearing if she genuinelty makes an attempt to engage with you over this question. If she's unable and unwilling to talk calmly and openly about this with you, if she condemns you as an awful money-grabbing daugher, then that says a lot about your relationship and how you need to think about that from here on.

Presumably, the OP (grandchildren) will inherit when her mum dies, as is the normal order of things. I never expected to inherit from grandparents, that went to my parents and aunties/uncles and rightfully so.

Morality doesn’t override reality. The grandmother didn’t leave the grandchildren anything. The estate went to her daughters, as the law sets out. A verbal ‘maybe’ before the valuation isn’t a sacred vow. OP is hurt, understandably, but she still has to accept the outcome and move on.

If your grandma didnt have a will (and you can check) the inheritance is all your mum and aunty's. And while I appreciate it might feel unfair you were promised a winfall and didnt get one. You do sound grabby, it was never your money and your mum and aunty have the right to change their mind.

You havent mentioned how the loss impacted you just how you could have spent your grandmas money

Your grandmother has died intestate so the estate has reverted rightly to her two descendants in the absence of a living spouse. Your mum and aunt really shouldn’t have promised anything but equally they don’t have to follow through. I would move on and stop focusing on the money. £4k is hardly significant and it sounds like you will be inheriting a lot more when your parents pass.

I don’t feel like I can raise it with my mum either without looking like an awful money grabbing daughter. I feel like the conversation just wouldn’t go well, especially as my mum is still so upset by the death.

This stands out for me. It's 4 years now. Not to sound harsh but that's enough time to be able to talk about this. I suspect the back-story of your mum would give us a clearer view as to why you are still tentative about this. I don't think its out of order to remind her of this 'pledge'.

Maybe the aunt changed the allocation of funds plan and has said your mum can choose to give it away out of her half but she's keeping half now. Or perhaps your aunt holds something over your mum to keep her from allocating the money - a secret like one of the cousins having a different father maybe. Either way, broach the subject. Definitely face to face because it would be useful to watch how she reacts and what clues this can give you. Or she's just a tight bitch who's had an easy life and doesn't want to share. If so, make sure you remember this

When my MIL died the will said between her surviving sons. No mention of the grandchildren. She died aged 96.

My husband gave 10% of his inheritance to each of our sons to be used for whatever they wished. 50K each. Both said they didn't want anything and we should enjoy the money. We told them we didn't want them to wait another 25 years to have a bit of wiggle room in their life.

I'm not going to lie. The money came to late for us. We'd paid off our mortgage, had no debts, and the husband had retired. We didn't want our sons to struggle through their 30s like we did.

It’s totally up to your mum and Aunt. I definitely wouldn’t have a conversation with her. It’s up to her and your aunt what they do with the money. If theres no will, your grandmother wouldn’t have been able to stipulate who gets what and how much, especially grandchildren. This is why it’s important to get one in place in plenty of time, which unfortunately isn’t the case in this scenario. I’d try and forget about it because you are going to become increasingly frustrated with your mum and Aunt. If you wish to ask your mum for money for something (like your brother for his operation) then he should just ask her. She will probably say yes.

I think the mum's actions have already soured the relationship 😞

No will, then it’s all your mum and your aunts. Don’t waste money and time on solicitors.

That said, I understand how you feel, but it’s difficult to see how you can raise this without looking grabby or souring the relationship.

But she's not only paying for her mum's pension is she? By that reasoning, anyone currently paying tax or national insurance would be entitled to a share of grandma's estate, which is beyond ridiculous.

Stuff the legal nonsense. The mum went back on her word. Morally that's an awful thing to do to your child 🤦‍♂️

Yes of course, no one is denying anything you've said, but the point is OP isnt getting 4K and needs to accept that. All this talk of getting legal advice, calling the cousins etc just makes OP look desperate and greedy.

I just don't get this weirdness around money in families.
Inheritance is such an unearned blessing anyway - a bit like winning the lottery. I just can't imagine being financially solvent - savings and decent pension - and not wanting to use at least some of this bonus money to help my children - or even worse, promise to help and then renege on the offer. Who does this unless there's some huge backstory of gambling or addiction?

DH inherited when his mum died with no Will. He split it between DCS so they got about 20k each. Exactly what grandparents would have wanted. neither of us would have done anything else. If you have a home and enough to live on, why would you?

The 4k yes. Anything else no. Broach the 4k as pp have suggested but don't gripe that you think you should have more.

Sure, the parent is legally correct but morally that’s another story. She wouldn’t be morally wrong either had she not acted the big I am and promised money to people. And yes, promises are broken all the time however, that has consequences on relationships. You don’t string people along, or at least not in my world. And you don’t gaslight them by conveniently forgetting the original promise and offering no further information.

When dh inherited from his dad we gave ds 4k (estate wasn't very large). He wasn't left anything in the will but we told him to buy something in memory of his late grandparents. I know you weren't left anything in the will but when your mum has promised you something, it's very disappointing that she hasn't followed through on it.

I would at least try to discuss with your mum about the fact that if she keeps hold of all of it, which she is perfectly entitled to do as intestacy rules follow a clear protocol, but if she does, and she owns her home, there is a good chance a massive chunk of it would go to the government as inheritance tax when she herself passes away.

This can be avoided if she passes it on now and survives another 7 years.

When looked at in this light most older adults would rather their kids had it than the government.

However I would discuss it only once, if she wants to keep it don't lose your relationship with your mum over money.

Happy story: parent with little inherits a modest amount. Parent shares an even more modest amount with child. Child uses the money for a house deposit.Child gets married and has kids. Husband and kids all benefit (and learn about the grandparent). Parent who shared, and shared without strings, is admired and respected for their generosity. Deceased grandparent’s memory lives on and is remembered fondly as they’d have been over the moon at what a difference this relatively small but timely sum made and how that difference echoed down the years.

Sad story: parent inherits and promises big things but shares nothing. Distrust and unhappiness sowed for years to come.

With all due respect, surely you’ll get it once your mum dies? Realistically it’s shitty but it’s her money from her mum.

🎶Money changes everything🎶

—Cydndi Lauper

I’m sorry, @Virgoschild— but money brings out the worst in people.
I guess you’re finding that out, even with people you’ve known your entire life.
Theyll have to answer for it, in this life or the next.
Hold your head up and always do what’s right.
Sending love from across an ocean ❤️

Why do posters keep banging on about what the mum said? she made a verbal promise that's not legally binding and she changed her mind. She didnt even know what the value of the stuff was when she said. Is it nice that she changed her mind? No. OP is understandably upset, but its her mother's prerogative to decide what she does with her inheritance and she's changed her mind. OP needs to pull on her big girl pants and move on. Promises are broken all the time that's just life.

How do you do this please?