To think I caused son’s heart defect

Are you including folic acid in "pre-natal vitamins"?
Not taking vitamin C or whatever won't have made any difference, but I believe (and a Google confirms) that folic acid can help prevent heart defects. It's not a guarantee that your baby won't get one though; it just reduces the incidence. Your baby most likely would have had the heart defeat even if you had taken folic acid, but there is a small chance that it could have been prevented, yes.

HOWEVER, even if that's the case, that does not mean you caused it! If you had known you were going to conceive, presumably you would have taken folic acid? If so, you aren't responsible, you were just unlucky.

If it helps, I did something once in a pregnancy (ignoring seemingly innocuous symptoms) which led to a very bad outcome. I don't know if it would have changed the outcome if I'd sought medical advice promptly or not; it could have gone either way.

My mistake was much 'worse' than yours, iyswim, and I did feel guilty for a long while. But I found time heals in a way - it just provides some perspective I suppose. It helped me to think that I didn't intentionally do anything which hurt my baby, and I knew I never would. That applies to you too. You didn't even make a mistake - you were just unlucky. Go easy on yourself.

Speaking from personal experience, 16 years ago my daughter was born with a congenital condition (missing thyroid gland) which resulted in her being incredibly ill and in hospital for a week. We nearly lost her due to hypothermia and a lack of diagnoses since it’s a heel prick test which hadn’t happened yet. The guilt was overwhelming. thoughts about what I did wrong when her thyroid ‘should’ have developed. You will put this to bed eventually. It just takes time to rationalise and get through the shock you experienced when you found out. Be gentle with yourself and make sure you talk about it with your partner. All the best x

Taking folic acid can prevent neural tube and heart defects but not always and only if the mother is actually deficient in the first place. If you were, you'd have symptoms and I really think you'd have noticed.

This wasn't your fault. It's just a freak accident, a blip of nature. Look into fetal development, what actually happens from the moment of conception and you will see just how easy it is for something to go not quite right. As long as you aren't drinking like a fish and chain smoking, it's almost never the mothers fault.

No, you didn't cause it. DS2 had a congenital heart defect, incompatible with life. It was a planned pg and I did everything by the book. It could not have been prevented.

I was born in 1960 when far more people drank and smoked when pregnant and there were no recommendations about folic acid or other supplements. Between the ages of 5 and 18, I knew only one classmate who had a heart issue. One of DS's friends had heart issues (31/2 now).

I hope your son is able to have interventions that help and make him well. It must be a difficult time but it is not your fault.

That feeling of guilt is understandable but wrong. Heart defects are not caused by lack of vitamins.

Some things do just happen.

It's absolutely not your fault.

Millions of women get pregnant without taking prenatals for months beforehand, and their babies are fine. It will just be a random thing that unfortunately happened to you.

I did absolutely zero during pregnancy - in fact my ex smoked a lot of weed in the house (!) so the baby must have inhaled it all the time, yet all was fine. It's complete pot luck x

Please talk to you HV or midwife or GP as you might have pnd. Looking back now there were things I worried about which were extreme and I was diagnosed with pnd and got support. There is no way that not having vitamins caused any heart defect. Your brain is trying to find reasons and make sense of it all but it's hard for you to accept no matter what anyway says. Please get help.

OP, I have twins and one of them has a heart murmur. I think it’s natural as mothers to think we’ve done something to cause it, but we really haven’t. There really are some things that just happen, are no-one’s fault, and are outside our control.

No you absolutely are NOT to blame here. Not in the slightest.

You absolutely didn’t cause it.

Multivitamins do not prevent heart defects. You didn’t cause this.

Absolutely no you did not cause it. My brothers wife did absolutly everything by the book and has always lived a healthy lifestyle but one of their children is a very unwell child with many problems. A girl I went to school with who i used to be friends with but I am not anymore did so many drugs and drank every single weekend throughout her whole pregnancy as well as smoking and she had a healthy child with no problems. So honestly taking vitamins would have done sod all. Take some breaths and move on. You are not to blame

You didnt cause it sweetheart, but im so sorry youre going through this. Please be kind to yourself

Not your fault at all. Zero fault.

I know it's a cliche but have you considered counselling?

You didnt cause it sweetheart, but im so sorry youre going through this. Please be kind to yourself