To think I caused son’s heart defect

Yes. That is why I said "your baby would most likely have had the heart defect even if you had taken the folic acid".

You didn't do this. DD aged 19 (DC3) has CHD. She is at university sitting a Masters and enjoys sports.
She is checked yearly, but other than that she leads a pretty normal life. It doesn't define her and I doubt her flatmates even know.
One of her DBs has to carry epi pens. Allergies run in my family. You will torture yourself if you let 'mum guilt' get to you. You can't blame yourself for something you couldn't possibly have known about.

My DD did take folic acid for 6 months before becoming pregnant. Her baby however had a serious heart issue ( HLHS) and didn't survive. No guarantees

As a loving mum of course you worry and you feel you should or could have spared your child having this issue. It's very natural. However, as an aside please please for the sake of your child don't let yourself get overwhelmed by anxiety. I grew up with a very health-anxious mum (whom I adore) but it was often too much for me even though there was nothing wrong with me at all in my childhood. I don't think she realised how much of her anxiety I could pick up on and it wasn't good for me. Now that I've just received a diagnosis for something benign but that can't be ignored, I am considering not telling her at all because I just could not deal with her anxiety on top of my own concerns. Don't be in that position down the line. You want your child to come to you with worries but they won't if it makes you spiral.

I didn't take pre-natal vitamins with mine. A lot of women don't. You did not cause this.

The vast majority of, vast majority of the world’s immense population doesn’t take vitamins, or even eat the nourishment we have.

One of mine was born with a ‘congenital abnormality’ and I did go through similar guilt about the many things I may or may not have done pre conception or before I knew I was pregnant.

Our consultant told me that in the millions of cell divisions that happen post conception, it is hardly surprising that some randomly go off piste.

Just to add my 2 penn'orth. You did nothing, absolutely nothing, to cause a birth defect. It's a sad reality that sometimes things go wrong in pregnancy. You could do all the right things and baby could have a birth defect. You could do all the wrong things and have a bouncing baby, perfect in every way.
I had 3 miscarriages prior to having a live birth. I tortured myself with thoughts that I had done something wrong to cause those miscarriages. I didn't, I know that. I've come to terms with it being just one of those things.
Please, OP, try to think that way. You did nothing wrong.

@Bagelqueen88 i suspect you know that you are being massively unreasonable deep down, but have some intrusive thoughts that require clarity. Women who are pregnant can have cancer which requires medical attention nobody would find ideal for pregnant women, women who have no idea they’re pregnant for early weeks will drink, do drugs, some women are so sick during their pregnancy they are at risk of dying from dehydration.
And those babies are overwhelmingly healthy.
You didn’t do anything wrong x

Oh love, you absolutely didn't cause his heart defect! I can only imagine how traumatic this has all been for you, please do talk to his doctors about your worries so they can reassure you. You sound like a lovely mum so your little one is lucky to have you. Be kind to yourself 💐

Its not your fault. Think how many people fall pregnant accidentally - heart defects would be absolutely rife if this were a cause. It's only relatively recently in the grand scheme of history that we have been doing this, yet here humanity is, still going.

I didn't take any prenatals with either of mine. Neither were planned. I also smoked and had a few glasses of wine before I discovered my first was on the way. Thankfully I found out very early. I just quit everything and started taking folic acid and vitamins with both as soon as I was aware.

Both my girls are completely healthy.

Of course you didn’t

No, this is not your fault. It has nothing to do with what you didn't do. What matters is now. Your son has a loving mum and that is so important. 🌺

Goodness me you absolutely cannot have caused a heart defect, and a vitamin absolutely wouldn’t prevent one. Please stop being mean to yourself. Would it help to think what you would say to a friend in this situation? I’m sure you wouldn’t let them blame themselves

Very gently you're being wildly unreasonable. How many hundreds of thousands of years have humans been conceiving babies, with no prenatal vitamins?

you didn’t cause this. my sister’s daughter has a heart condition and she just gets daily medicine and it’s no problem

Hi Op. Another heart mum here. My DC has congenital heatt defects and has had open heart surgery. I DID take pregnancy vits before concieving etc, still happend here!! I may be a bit further down the line to you, my dc is 10.but if you have a cardiology laison nurse may be worth giving them a call they can help ❤️

It might seem like the only difference in the pregnancy but it wasn’t. Your children are different children that were different from the word go. Lack of Vitamins do not cause heart defects.

If the was the case then the entire 3rd world and every generation before us would have heart defects.

I do understand what you are going through and remember when I had a miscarriage I was trying to find reasons to blame myself too, crazy things, did I use the wrong cleaning products, mad stuff. I think maybe I was afraid of it happening again and needed to find a reason so I could blame that and distance myself from the uncertainty that these things just happen, which is quite frightening to accept. But it’s the truth.

Talk to someone x x

You didn't cause the issues. Be kind to yourself. It is extremely hard when you think something you did caused an issue but you can not blame yourself. You didn't deliberately do something harmful.

Sometimes things happen for no reason other than they did not happen correctly. Creating a baby is such a complex things for the body to do.

I spent years blaming myself for my daughter’s condition and subsequent disabilities, learning difficulties, even though I knew really that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I think it’s natural as a mother to think this as it’s our bodies that grow our babies, also I think there’s a need to blame something or someone sometimes. I was convinced it was because of lead pipes at one point, even though I don’t think we had lead pipes !
Please be kind to yourself, it really isn’t because you didn’t take vitamins. Is there someone you can talk to, a health visitor,GP, heart consultant?
30+ years later I am having counselling, and part of it is to do with my daughter’s disabilities.
I wish you lots of love

Absolutely not your fault. I know loads of people who didn't take pre-natal vitamins, and it didn't even occur to me to take them.

Think about the fact that children are conceived in famines and don't have heart defects. This is nothing to do with what you have done.

You didn't cause this. A multivitamin wouldn't have made this level of difference.

Remember, unless you have deliberately set out to do something then you're not responsible for it.

I know how you feel though. One of my DD has ADHD and has a lot of struggles. The other DD is neurotypical. I have spent time wondering if there was something I could have done better when I was pregnant or if I did something wrong. The logical part of my brain knows there isn't.

I think it's natural to feel that way sometimes. The bottom line though is that sometimes people are born with health conditions. Most people have at least 1 health issue. It just depends on who and what.

You didn’t cause it and couldn’t have prevented it 💔 I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope your son gets the treatment he needs.
You’re the most perfect person in the world to your little boy, he couldn’t do without you 💛