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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed that older people can’t just send a text rather than phoning for the slightest thing?

181 replies

Waitingforthesunnydays · 09/03/2026 07:22

I’ll try not to be ageist here but I might fail at that..so I’m sorry if this offends anyone. If you are over 60 do you feel the need to phone people for things like confirming what time you’ll be arriving that day (after already arranging that you’re coming), letting someone know what colours of paint you’ll be getting for a house renovation, asking someone if they want to go to the cinema with you next week? Those were just examples that popped into my head, but I’m finding it increasingly irritating that the 60 something man that is renovating my house will call me for the slightest thing. It seems he doesn’t know how to text at all as he responds to mine by ringing. Same with my parents, but they get a free pass cos they’re my parents. Same with a neighbour in her 60s who I’m quite friendly with. She rang me the other day, a call which I had to take at work, to say she’d taken my bin in for me, which was very nice of her obviously. But a simply text would have done fine. I’m not talking about very elderly people who don’t know how to use technology, I’m talking about people in their 60s/70s who have had iPhones for at least a decade. Is it just habit or is talking on the phone more common amongst older people? I’m early 40s & I personally hate talking on the phone and will text for everything. I find a phone call quite intrusive, I have to be in the mood to talk to someone, whereas if they would just text me they might get an answer to their question! I can send a text back in any mood but I will often ignore a phone call if I’m not in the mood.
Yes I’m sure I’m being at least a bit unreasonable but it would be nice if everyone could just learn how to text/know how to use text messaging properly. It’s really very easy

OP posts:
Waitingforthesunnydays · 10/03/2026 17:37

Badbadbunny · 10/03/2026 15:40

Yes, compromise, NOT just blindly having to accept what the other person wants to do as if they're the more important person.

I think the compromise would be the text message. The phone call is asking a lot more of both people, the text message is maybe not what the phone-lover wants but it can’t be denied it’s the most convenient for both people. I’m not talking about parents who maybe want to chat to their adult kids here. I do phone my parents cos I know it’s important to them, even though I don’t like it. I’m talking about people in your life you may not be that close to and just don’t particularly want to chat to in that moment to get a simple piece of information out of them. Cos it invariably includes a polite “how are you doing anyway” when neither person actually wants to talk about how I’m doing. It’s an invasion of privacy imo.

OP posts:
NimbleHiker · 10/03/2026 16:41

I have no problem talking on the phone. The problem is that my mum will constantly ring until i answer just so that she can tell me something simple. She accuses me of ignoring her when i don't answer the phone straight away. She will just leave me voicemails to say that i have ignored her if my phone is off. It is like she thinks that i can drop everything so that she can talk at me about Newcastle united. I hate football but she conveniently forgets.

Sartre · 10/03/2026 15:44

I know what you mean. My Gran is 81 and has a phone but can only call from it, she’s never been able to text (despite being shown multiple times). She had to concede and get an iPad during Covid so she could watch drasha and thankfully my Uncle taught her how to email so now she can send me those. I don’t often have time for phone calls so much prefer a message I can reply to when I do have time.

Badbadbunny · 10/03/2026 15:40

Anonymouseposter · 10/03/2026 14:10

That goes both ways.

Yes, compromise, NOT just blindly having to accept what the other person wants to do as if they're the more important person.

Anonymouseposter · 10/03/2026 14:10

Badbadbunny · 10/03/2026 13:03

Why does their preference trump my preference??

That goes both ways.

Badbadbunny · 10/03/2026 13:03

Boomer55 · 10/03/2026 10:08

Not everyone will work their routine around your preferences. No reason why they should. Some people, all ages, prefer to phone 🤷‍♀️

Why does their preference trump my preference??

Zimunya · 10/03/2026 12:04

MoonlessCorridor · 10/03/2026 11:43

Then if it makes no difference why does it matter if people prefer text messages?

It doesn't matter to me at all. I can cope with both 😀

MoonlessCorridor · 10/03/2026 11:43

Zimunya · 10/03/2026 09:29

It depends on individual circumstances. As I can't do either during meetings, it makes no difference to me. Either way I would be returning the text / call when it was convenient for me.

Then if it makes no difference why does it matter if people prefer text messages?

Boomer55 · 10/03/2026 10:08

Waitingforthesunnydays · 09/03/2026 14:21

My phone is permanently on silent. I often don’t take calls. But the ‘callers only’ will just keep calling back if I don’t answer, also it’s often to tell me something I actually need to know that I could easily be told in a text

Not everyone will work their routine around your preferences. No reason why they should. Some people, all ages, prefer to phone 🤷‍♀️

Zimunya · 10/03/2026 09:29

MoonlessCorridor · 10/03/2026 09:27

Its much easier looking at a text in a meeting than speaking on the phone - thats the point.

It depends on individual circumstances. As I can't do either during meetings, it makes no difference to me. Either way I would be returning the text / call when it was convenient for me.

Waitingforthesunnydays · 10/03/2026 09:28

simpsonthecat · 09/03/2026 16:23

So, for those who never answer their phone or hate answering calls, what do you do when the Doctors surgery or Hospital ring? Just ignore them?

My DH has had one of each today, arranging something for tomorrow. They won't send whatsapps!

Doctors surgery & hospital calls are different. They need to call you and the call is important & usually quick. It’s not that I have some kind of fear of talking on the phone like some of these Gen Z phone-phobes. It’s just not necessary sometimes

OP posts:
MoonlessCorridor · 10/03/2026 09:27

Zimunya · 10/03/2026 09:20

I am certainly not able to read / reply to text messages in meetings. I appreciate that workplaces differ though.

Its much easier looking at a text in a meeting than speaking on the phone - thats the point.

Zimunya · 10/03/2026 09:20

MoonlessCorridor · 10/03/2026 07:57

Exactly, which is why text messages are far better and more convenient. They can be read at your leisure and you can even glance at them IN meetings or even reply without disturbing anyone by talking on the phone which disturbs other people.

I am certainly not able to read / reply to text messages in meetings. I appreciate that workplaces differ though.

LeftieRightsHoarder · 10/03/2026 08:01

I’m over 60 and don’t like talking on the phone, but I realise it can be useful when making complex arrangements or discussing details. For everyday contact, I like WhatsApp. Zoom or FaceTime is best for a leisurely chat.

MoonlessCorridor · 10/03/2026 07:57

Zimunya · 10/03/2026 07:48

No, not more important. But at work, often in meetings.

Exactly, which is why text messages are far better and more convenient. They can be read at your leisure and you can even glance at them IN meetings or even reply without disturbing anyone by talking on the phone which disturbs other people.

Zimunya · 10/03/2026 07:48

grumpygrape · 09/03/2026 22:38

So you are more important than the person trying to contact you? OK.

No, not more important. But at work, often in meetings.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 09/03/2026 22:53

My 60+ neighbour rang my phone and then, when I didn’t pick up, rang my doorbell while I was WFH to let me know in person that the postman had misdelivered my letter to his house. It was a boring catalogue that deserved zero fanfare. I was very confused when I opened the door and he stood there holding something that would fit through the letterbox. I have no idea why he rang my phone over this!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/03/2026 22:43

Much as I hate phone calls for the most part, as I’ve said up thread, there are occasions when you do need to speak on the phone to sort a particular thing out.

In that case, you text and say “can I call you later today/ now (if it’s urgent) / when would be convenient to you? It’s about X”

StMarie4me · 09/03/2026 22:40

I used to talk to my best friend every single day in the phone. She died from cancer, and 48 years of talking daily went silent.

I don’t talk to anyone daily on the phone now. All my other communications are by text/ WhatsApp/ messenger. I did phone my son to wish him well as he goes in for surgery in the morning. Hope that’s ok with you, OP?

Honestly? Your judgemental and miserable approach is very unkind and deeply ageist.

grumpygrape · 09/03/2026 22:38

Zimunya · 09/03/2026 16:44

But a phone call doesn't require an immediate response. I have my phone on silent, and then call people back as and when it's convenient for me to do so.

So you are more important than the person trying to contact you? OK.

MoonlessCorridor · 09/03/2026 22:29

A text message is rather like your butler bringing a telegram to your table. A phone call, conversely, is the equivalent of bellowing for attention in someone's hallway.

YES! this is exactly it. Text messages are so patient and elegant. Phone calls are like tantrums demanding to be paid attention to.

VickyEadieofThigh · 09/03/2026 22:21

BigYellowBus · 09/03/2026 07:26

I'm 60 and I haven't made a social phone call for years. Even my mother gets texts

I'm 67. Same here - I send WhatsApp or rmail messages. Haven't made a social call for years.

BarbieShrimp · 09/03/2026 22:20

user1497787065 · 09/03/2026 07:32

AIBU to be annoyed that younger people can’t just ring me rather than sending constant texts for everything?

I'm rather pleased that younger people are doing away with unsolicited phone calls. I think distant future generations will think of phone calls as a short-lived and rather boorish technological gimmick. And rightly so.

A text message is rather like your butler bringing a telegram to your table. A phone call, conversely, is the equivalent of bellowing for attention in someone's hallway.

Fascinate · 09/03/2026 22:18
  1. I communicate with my (late 20's) kids via Messenger. If anything they are the ones to phone me rather than the other way round.

My late mother (80's) would call purely because arthritis meant she couldn't text

MoonlessCorridor · 09/03/2026 22:15

sittingonabeach · 09/03/2026 22:06

How did some posters cope before texts?

Actually it was easier because before mobile phones we only had landlines and when you were out, no one could ring you. So problem solved! You were much less likely to be expected to pick up the phone then