Fed up already maternity leave

Op, your baby is cluster feeding and that's completely normal. I'd move to a spare bedroom if you have one, where you can feed your baby without the nasty ignorant comments of your partner. Create an environment that suits you & baby. Lighting, background music, pillows, drinks in thermal cups.
Let your mum know what is happening. Your partner is a waste of space and having your mum around is also completely normal. Imagine how hurt she would be if she found you and her grandchild were struggling and you didn't tell her. Let her help if she will.
Forget about any long term decisions for today or tomorrow.
My ex was much the same, morphed into an abusive git when ds was three days old. We left when ds was two. You can address that issue when you have the energy. Right now you need to concentrate on getting feeding & sleep patterns established, and on your recovery.
Talk to your HV. Get out in the fresh air as much as possible. Ask the HV to check you aren't anaemic.
I hope you feel better soon xx

I'll second this. My friend went through 10 years of IVF. Her DH matryed himself on it, supported her, went on about how they were so desperate, how they deserved the baby more, etc.

Once baby was here he turned into a complete dick. Friend had a horrendous time, including a C section birth. She told old me the night she got home he woke her at 3am, on his way to bed after gaming all night, because the baby's awake & needs feeding (bottle fed from birth). Also the public help he gave her 'was purely for show, he does nothing '.

It was really shocking. You often just don't know until it's too late.

Wow @PinkyFlamingo , just so unhelpful. If you can't think of anything constructive to add......

I’m so sorry you’re struggling OP, what an awful situation.

I agree with others you really need some support and as he quite clearly isn’t prepared to give it to you then you need to find someone who is. Your mum, a friend, family, don’t suffer on alone to protect his imagine as partner & dad of the year. He should be taking care of you both but he isn’t, any shame about that is firmly on his shoulders.

Ugh, I had one of these. Normal behaviour until about two weeks pp and used to mock me for reading baby books / googling things, pretended it was coming from a good place because he didn’t want me to be stressed out and overloaded with info. He was a prick though and I sacked him off by the time DS was three.

Get your mum and some friends organised to help you - I’d support even a vague acquaintance who was struggling with a new baby. People will help. Then make a longer term plan to get rid of the man.

If his mum will rip him a new one then tell her. Hopefully he'll listen.
Is there any chance you can go to your mum's instead of her coming to you? I know it might not be possible as you're still recovering and your baby is tiny but I think you'd recover better if you were away from him. Or it will give him the wake up call to stop being a dick.
I'm worried for you. He's already verbally abusive it won't take much for him to escalate.
This is why I suggested going to your mum's where you can get the help you need and focus on your new baby (rather than your really nasty partner).

Lovely, you are only 1 week pp with a huge learning curve ahead that's hard enough for two of you, let alone you trying to struggle on your own.

You need his support not his condescension nor his ignorance!

Get him telt now, he needs to know what's expected of him.

"His mum would rip him a new one if she knew" Would he listen? if so

Tell her, this very morning, he needs a goddamn slap wake-up call

I'm delighted that after your fertility struggles, you have your gorgeous miracle baby @SpookyTeacup despite these initial teething troubles, enjoy her 🌸

I’m so so sorry.

How much you can express is not and indication of how much milk you are producing. It can be difficult to get right. Right size flange will make a huge difference.

I would actually stop expressing for now and let your milk regulate to babies needs. Do you really need to supplement? You supply increases due to babies demand so if you supplement this early your body wont know to make more milk.

Do you have a local breastfeeding support group?

I would also suggest speaking to midwife/ health visitor about what is going on with your husband. They are there to support you.

@SpookyTeacup I hope things get easier soon. Try and ignore him and enjoy this time. It’s definitely a period of adjustment for all and some just adjust more easily than others. Congratulations too on the arrival of your daughter!

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP.
My ex changed once we got pregnant with our very much planned baby.
He practically regressed to being a baby himself, and I spent 3 years taking care of a man child and a baby/toddler.
Didn't do anything for his child during his paternity leave, just gamed. He then continued to ignore us for the next 3 years, I did all bath times/bedtimes whilst he gamed from the time he finished work until 3am.
I think he fed her 5 bottles max when she was a baby, probably changed 20-30 nappies. No dinners cooked, no washing done. We split last year and the only regret I carry is having not split up before I had even had my baby, as it would have been easier raising a newborn alone than living the way we did for so long.

You're doing amazing, I wish you all the best on your breast feeding journey.
I tried but 3 weeks in my mental health took a turn from the cluster feeding and I felt she wasn't getting enough (she probably was) so I switched to formula which made a huge difference and I was able to enjoy being a mum rather than constantly worrying.
I really hope it works for you, but personally I think having a supportive partner makes all the difference.

Be kind to yourself.
Know your worth (I wish I found mine sooner).
X x x

Does he have friends with small children. Maybe he’d believe it when they tell him babies aren’t really easy and rarely just sleep and eat when you want them to! Or perhaps his mum could set him straight? Was he expecting a bit of a holiday in paternity leave?

What do you mean by getting angry? What difference does it make to his gaming if you’re cluster feeding?

Everything is a bit overwhelming 1 week pp and it sounds like your DP doesn’t really understand much about babies and breastfeeding in general if he has no understanding about cluster feeding or how difficult it can be to pump milk. Hopefully he’s acting the way he is because he’s feeling useless and out of his depth. Do you have any books he could read about what to expect and how best to support a new mother?

So sorry to hear the situation. Must be so difficult for you and absolutely a partner’s job is to support you at whatever capacity you can.

I am not on your partners side nor agree with what he does but was wondering if you called him out of his behaviour and tell him how that makes you feel? If you did, he continues to do that then shame on him and you might want to think long term plan but if not, might worth a try, sometimes men are insensitive and don’t even know what’s is the right thing to do. Really depends on the upbringing.

on another note. Maybe unpopular opinion here, have you thought about combi feeding, supplement with formula. It’s certainly jot a failure or less optimal for baby. I’ve watched one of my nct mum whose milk is low and the baby was feeding all day long and on low percentile. They had argument when the partner secretly fed baby formula but the partner at the time complained the baby was hungry but she wanted exclusively feed on breast milk. Anyone once the baby is solid food, she was no longer on low percentile and from a bystander, I think her baby was hungry and she really wanted to do the best by her by giving only breast milk but looking back, probably combi would make all of them a bit happier.

Instead of assuming it was obvious he’d be crap and criticising someone one week post partum who is struggling folks could maybe remember that it’s a common thing for abusive men to show their true colours during pregnancy or right after the birth when their partner is at their kids vulnerable

Go visit your mum. Before he gives you pnd.

He has one job- support you - and he's failing miserably.
Do you think his mum would have a word in his ear?