Fed up already maternity leave

Definitely this!
Some women with the best will in the world don't produce enough milk to feed an extra hungry unsettled baby causing grief for all concerned.

Congratulations for your baby. The first few weeks with a newborn are really hard. Having a loving supportive partner makes all the difference. He laughed at you! How dare he. There will be many challenges as parents and he has failed at the first hurdle. Your DH is showing his true colours when you are at your most vulnerable and sadly domestic violence is really common during pregnancy and soon after birth.

Please tell his mum and you mil about how he is behaving. You need support right now and you have nothing to hide. Also make arrangements to go and stay with your family asap. You need to be away from this man for you and you DDs safety.

When you feel ready then make plans to divorce him. It will not get better, only worse.

What’s the point in saying it to a mum who is 1 week post partum and exhausted . The baby is here already. Saying something like this isn’t useful advice

Go visit your mum.and don't come.back. leave him a note explaining the issues you saying that if he wants to be a family he needs to act like a dad. You say partner not husband so no need to put him on the birth certificate.

It's horrible because you are basically telling a vulnerable post-partum new mum that it's her fault. She can't go back in time and not have a baby with him, so the only reason for your comment is to make her even more upset than she is already.

Go to your mums. Don’t let him spoil your newborn time. How she’s feeding is normal not your fault. Baby and you are both brand new to something it takes time not getting angry with you. Bet things all seem better when you are away from him.

I let him sleep through the night and I deal with all the feeding, crying, nappies. I'm so tired and running on zero.

Why isn’t he doing anything? Especially as he’s off work. I’m guessing you did most of the household chores before you got pregnant? If I was you, I’d speak to my mum and MIL about how useless your husband is.

I don’t understand how he can just change overnight if he was good before? He must be an absolute psycho.
you need to find your voice. You DEMAND he speaks to you better or he can pack his bags and leave. Shock him, bloody mean it!!!!! Phone your mum and get her to come down now. You’ve nothing to be embarrassed about, it’s your loser of a DP.

Why on earth do you feel you have the “right” to criticise someone who is feeling so vulnerable?

Don’t be such an arsehole!

Everything you have written about you and your baby are completely normal struggles for 1 week pp and to be expected, in fact I struggled with breastfeeding for much much longer, but I stuck it out with the help and support of my lovely husband and the midwives. I have breastfed 3 children now and never managed to pump much, it was no indication of what my baby could get out. My first child had a tongue tie which they stupidly didn't check for until 5 weeks old, I had no idea what I was looking for as a 1st time mum, has someone checked your baby for one?

The only thing that isn't normal in all this is the waste of space you had your baby with. He's on paternity leave and he's sat gaming? Is he 12? I would ask him to leave, send him back to his parents, he's acting like a child so maybe he needs to live with his parents? Get your mum around and some proper support in place, you will feel so much better. Your husband needs a good shake and to grow up about 20 years, I'm quite frankly shocked that this is a much wanted ivf pregnancy and this is how he's behaving. I know 6 or 7 people who have ivf babies/children, 1 thing they all have in common is incredibly devoted husbands/fathers. Your husband sounds like a teen who has had an accidental pregnancy, not someonewho is married who has been through ivf for a much wanted baby.

You are doing great, you just need some better support, get your mum around as soon as you can, you will feel so much better with someone there to help and support you.

I think you are doing amazing 💐

Of course these men aren’t twats from the start. They know what they’re doing. Pregnancy is the classic time for abuse to ramp up and their true colours to come out, because you’re ‘trapped’ then.

Except you’re not OP - you can absolutely choose whether or not you stay with this man. But that’s maybe not a decision for today.

Today, you need to just get through it. And you will. You have this amazing new baby, a whole brand new person who will be your best friend forever. It will all be fine in the end, there will just be a tricky time for now. It’s a shame, because it shouldn’t be a tricky time, but it is. It will pass though and you will come out stronger.

Feeding - cluster feeding is absolutely a thing. I am a midwife and also BF 3 babies. I have oversupply of milk and even I couldn’t express, it’s no indicator of how much milk you have. Ignore the twat in the next room and just settle yourself on the sofa with snacks, baby and a box set on tv.
7% weight loss is great to you are doing it right!
If it is painful or baby is not settling to a good feed ever, ask the MW for help.

You will get through this, but you will never forgive him and nor should you. Write it down to remind you how he behaved later on, because he will absolutely gaslight you and say it was baby brain fog and actually he did loads🙄

Good luck lovely, keep posting 💐

I BF two babies without ever being able to get more than about 6ml with any pump. I suspect that a significant part of that was having some prat lingering around the place when the eldest was born; I didn't bother pumping at all with the second, even though that one's father was considerably more intelligent less of a prick and never criticised me once.

If you want to continue BF, being in a secure, non critical environment makes it easier, as you can relax more and possibly try to see if positioning will make a difference - mine latched on better with holding them under my arm and supported on a pillow, rather than laid across me, for example. Another thing that seemed to help trigger the let down was to latch on and then have a drink of water. And if you decide you don't, that's fine, too.

The important thing is to get yourself away from the arsehole, as feeling like you're constantly about to be criticised makes it really hard to relax.

You're being brilliant, don't think you're doing anything less than amazing. It's not you, it's him.

Please phone your mum, she will want to be with you and look after you. Maybe your mum can pick you and baby up today and stay with them for a bit. Or stay with you and your partner can go elsewhere and think about what a dick he’s been.
Also phone his mum and let her know what a dick he is being! Don’t feel bad at all about letting people know.
I would be very tempted to put his games console in the bin.

Congratulations on your gorgeous baby xxx
You're doing so well. He seems to be struggling with the change in his life and reacting to it by becoming a total dickhead.
If you have to switch to formula then the baby will be absolutely fine. Hormones and exhaustion make this stage very tricky without the added bonus of your OH turning into a teenage boy.
Talk to your mum and maybe go and stay with her. When you’re stronger and in a better established routine with the baby you can work out what you want to do about the sperm donor.
Focus on how amazing you are.

Oh my word. I find it really alarming that he’s getting angry about it, and you say angry at both you and the week old baby? You’re both so vulnerable right now, I think your mum or his mum or your midwife need alerting to his behaviour. It’s not his uselessness that worries me but his anger and belligerence. You need an extra coat of protection while he goes through whatever he’s going through.

and also, you sound so in love with your new wee baby, deepest congratulations on her safe arrival. I’m in an ivf pregnancy too with a long history behind it so can just about imagine how precious she is to you! Get some reason into your household by way of supportive women, whatever shape or form.

I would speak to his mum....more in the way of asking her to explain to him what life with a newborn can be like...that way you can let
her know what an abusive twat he is being.
On another note, my DD was like this - cluster feeding, waking up multiple times a night, generally unsettled and I was getting very stressed.
I just wasn't producing much milk so after trying everything, at 6 weeks I changed her to formula. Life was so much better, I just wish I hadn't spent so much time feeling guilty about it.
Secondly, I took her to a cranial osteopath that specialised in babies and within days she was so much more settled.
I'm not suggesting this might work for your DD but sometimes it is worth trying everything, for your own sanity. I would also consider moving in with your mother for a few weeks and telling everyone why!

Please phone his mum and tell her everything. Get her to visit without letting him know she's coming and let her in quietly and then she can see that's he's gaming for hours. Also get your mum to come a few days earlier.
Having a baby is a real test of a man, I'm so sorry you got a man not up to the job. Hopefully he will learn and grow up.
And just to say you're doing a great job, and everything you said is completely normal. I hope things improve for you.

All of this, if he thinks his behaviour is acceptable and that you're wrong then he will have no issue you telling people whats going on. You need support are people visiting to see the baby does his behaviour significantly improve infront of people.

Wow. What a waste of space he is. You deserve so much more than this. Have you spoken to him about the gaming? Told him you need help? Have a chat with your mum when she arrives. I doubt he will change. He is showing you who he is. So soon after having a baby isn’t the time to make any life changing decisions, but i’d start to have a serious think if I wanted to live my life with this lazy man.

I know young babies are very reliant on mum, especially when bf but his comments are immature and stupid, and he should he looking after the mother of his child, not spending it all gaming.

My ex decided to take his 3wks pat leave (and AL) when DS2 was 10wks old, when things were a bit easier. My mother did come for 3wks (was meant to be 2) when DS2 was 2wks, but those first 2wks I was home alone with him whilst he went to work! It wouldn’t surprise you to know he went to work overseas for many years after we split, leaving me to do the child raising. Youngest is 18 in 3wks and i’ve done a great job raising my kids, so don’t fear doing it alone. It’s a lot better than living with a man child.

Sounds like you are doing an amazing job OP and congratulations on your baby. As others have said, cluster feeding is very normal, try and go with it, make sure you are comfortable and have what you need to hand.

Reach out to your mum, his mum, midwife, friend for support. What he is doing is not normal and is not right. Try and join some local baby clubs, build your village.

This is very true. It is often the first sign of their abuse. This is a man getting angry with a week old baby for being hungry.

If you are confident his mum will be angry with him, tell her. Also tell the hv, your gp, your mum. Do not let him hide his abusive behaviour.

Second drinks in thermal cups and spare bedroom.

make sure you’re eating enough food too

oh god she needs to know!

tiny humans are the hardest work!

You’re doing great in the circumstances. Screaming at the boob can be position issues; sometimes walking around feeding would magically help. Look at laid back bf position. They also like to have their feet on something, like your leg.

mine would only feed if we were both lying down, till tongue tie snip. Second baby I mastered the positioning.

if there’s a peer bf group nearby it helps to have someone watch you.

I think he is showing his true colours unfortunately.

Sorry you're having a rough time. I split from my daughter's dad when she was 4 months old and life was instantly easier.