Fed up already maternity leave

As an aside, it might be worth getting a midwife to check the baby when feeding. If your nipples are really flat (and not just him being a twunt) then it may be you need some help to address that, so she can latch on better.

I completely agree with this.
My experience of first time postpartum was similar to yours, things did improve once I involved our parents so that he was called out on his behaviour and then supported to get antidepressants and bond with the baby. Not saying your DH is depressed but you shouldn’t be expected to sort whatever if going on for him out while also dealing with first time motherhood yourself.
You need care and support which he clearly isn’t giving right now, so please do speak to your mum and MIL.

Sending you a big hug, this is hard but you will get through it, with or without him but with your wonderful DC.

My DH is now a fantastic partner and dad, having just gone back to work from paternity leave with DC2. Hopefully with a kick up the bum and some tough love from family your DH will get there and you’ll have the support you need from others while he does.

Then tell her

He sounds abusive, laughing, mocking and getting angry aren't the usual lazy / shit dad, they're behaviours that are actively sabotaging and undermining you. Please consider going to stay with your mum. Also consider getting a tongue tie specialist to have a look at your baby to help with feeding, it's hugely misunderstood and underdoagnosed at hospital and can really help with feeding, and the earlier it's done the better

Well tell her.
If you think he'd listen, tell her, invite her round let her see.

Let her chew his ear off.

Then tell her, you’ve got nothing to lose by letting his mummy take the reins here- you’ve already lost any respect you had for him and I’m hoping you’ll either leave him as soon as you feel physically strong enough, or his mother will give him such a fierce kick up the ass he’ll realise what a cunt he has been and step up now and forever.

either way, you’ll never forget this and it will linger in your heart forever. Being let down postpartum is a deep hurt.

congratulations on your miracle baby. Thank goodness she has a wonderful mum. The feeding will get easier x

As soon as you have the strength, please get rid of him. Has shown his true colours, and there's nothing he could ever to excuse this behaviour.

@SpookyTeacup I had a supportive DP and I massively craved help from my mum. Please call her and get her to come. Establishing breastfeeding is genuinely one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and my mum was a great support. She came to stay when my DP went back to work but I’d if I’d known how invaluable her support would have been I’d have got her in straight away.

You and your baby deserve so much better. Can you speak to your mum about moving in for a while to get yourself sorted?

Apart from all the things already said/asked by previous posters: do you drink and eat enough? Because you need this to make enough breastmilk...

Does he at least do the washing, cooking and cleaning? Or is he also letting this stack up?

You deserve support and love. On this platform and, most definitely at home. A newborn baby will cluster feed. You will be exhausted emotionally and physically. Your husband sounds as though he is floundering and feeling insecure. Your focus is the baby. His is himself. Putting aside his hurtful comments-for now-think of what you would like him to do and give him that role. Has he taken the baby for a walk in the buggy yet? Can he shop for food treats? I’d get a loving relative to come round fairly soon. You sound in need of a loving grown up.

Could you give him a list of tasks he could do to make your life easier. Mine is very good at completing things that have been specifically laid out for him but less good (dreadful) at thinking up these ideas himself (going food shopping, vacuuming, fixing the bathroom door) once he was in the groove he now doesn’t need any prompts on baby 4 lol. Not defending the behaviour in any way but some of it might come from a place of feeling powerless as he can’t settle the baby if the baby settles with breast milk I was annoyed in the beginning as mine would rock the baby for like five mins and then sit on the sofa with the baby crying and I was always like you need to try harder but to him he just couldn’t settle the baby as he couldn’t feed her so it was pointless trying. Migjt it be the same sort of thinking coz then u could send him out with baby in the pram or sling or something when baby has finished feeding? Yesterday mine was waltzing round the kitchen cooking with the baby in a sling (this was inconceivable with baby 1)so all hope is not lost. Try and show him what he could do to help (I know he should know but maybe he doesn’t and he could learn) Are there any men who could tell him how hard small babies are this sometimes works better. Also with breastfeeding it gets better, baby one clustered like a maniac for the first month and i swore blind I would quit but it then got better and I forgot all about my woes. So if you want to breastfeed u just got to get over that initial hump. There are breastfeeding groups the National breastfeeding helpline which could support you also

good luck

1 week pp I wouldn't be pumping. Get the baby on the breast. She'll build your supply and be far more efficient than the pump.

Night feeds are what really get the supply going to begin with so if you can and want to exclusively pump then I'd try and hold off the formula too. It very early, your milk will only just have come in.

At 1 week old her tummy is the size of a marble- she only wants a tiny amount of milk. Please don't start fretting over how much you can pump- some ladies can never pump much but feed babies for years.

And it's perfectly normal for her to be on you all the time- my first was feeding 12-14hours as a newborn. It was relentless

Why did you say this? How does it help the situation?

OP, he sounds awful, I’m not sure what you can do currently because you’re energy is of course taken up with looking after your little one.

Get your mum to cone earlier, whilst you establish breast feeding and look after you properly. If she adjs why, tell her. Tell her in front of your “d” h and let him suffer the embarrassment.

Long term, I don’t think you can stay in the relationship. He’s been too awful.

OP the early days are so difficult, please get some support - your Mum, his Mum, both Mums-don't delay.

Re the breastfeeding the only hard and fast rule is that the best way to increase supply is to feed the baby. I was rubbish at expressing with my eldest and spent the first few months more or less clamped to him. Which was actually lovely, but I was able to lean on other people to pick up the slack. With my second I had to return to work very early but thankfully found expressing a lot easier.

I'm sorry your DH is being such a knob. Don't blame yourself and please reach out to some people who can help you xxx

Yeah and gosh I would think you’ll be happier if you drop the formula and the pumping tbh, that’s just an additional thing to think about.

7 percent weight loss is normal as is feeding constantly to build supply at this point. If the constant feeding continues for weeks it can be a sign of poor latch or comfort feeding due to an allergy eg CMPA (easily dealt with by cutting out milk and sometimes soya too from your diet) but at this point it’s normal baby behaviour to build supply.

Separarely, your DH is an abusive prick.

I'm so sorry your partner is being a dick to you and your child. I agree with all the pp who've said to tell both his mum and yours, so they can support you and your baby.

On a practical note: kellymom was the most helpful resource when I was breastfeeding my first. Maybe it can help you too.

The overnight feeds are the important ones where baby ‘orders’ the milk for the next day so try not to use formula for that feed - maybe do it during the day. You’re one week pp, you shouldn’t need to be pumping already - you’ve got so much going on! Give yourself a break with the pumping, they say start at 6 weeks if you need to but unless you genuinely have supply issues (baby not gaining weight, has jaundice etc) you shouldn’t need to pump. Xx

Sorry op. I don’t think even if he improved, i would ever be able to get past this behaviour from him.

Please contact your mum and MIL for more urgent support, please call your DH on his terrible and behaviour.

And please don’t kill yourself over breastfeeding. I struggled and never got a full supply with DC1 (also has flat nipples). Wasted so much energy expressing. You already have enough going on.

@SpookyTeacup yourw going through a reallyhatd time, you have my sympathy.
Pumping helped me with my milk supply but in the early days o could hardly pump 30ml. That doesn't mean your baby is not getting enough when they breastfeed though so dont worry about it. Mother tea (you can buy on Amazon) also helped me if you want to give it a try. But it is very normal for babies to cluster feed especially in the first few weeks (as you know because your MW told you that!)
The stress will not help your milk supply though, you need that oxytocin flowing. Call him out on his behaviour and if he doesn't stop go stay with your mum for a bit. How much paternity leave does he have?
If you dont want that,is there a 2nd bedroom he can go sleep at, so you have some peace with the baby?
He is being absolutely horrible and i hope he can see that if you speak to him.

Agree regarding combi feeding . I breastfed my first and I remember he cluster fed almost constantly. In the end my DH gave him a bottle or two at night so that I could sleep . It didn’t affect my supply . I would have gone insane if I hadn’t done it. it’s so tough at the start but regardless of what way you decide to feed it will get easier , usually starting around 6-8 weeks which sounds like forever away when at the start but it will come quicker than you think.
This man sounds absolutely awful. Both useless and abusive , criticising you when you are working so hard to look after your baby so well while he is skulking around doing nothing and criticising your body. I feel angry for you just thinking about it.

Well, maybe you should tell her. He wants to act like a child...

If you can’t be helpful or supportive just don’t post

I’m so sorry this is the hardest of times even with good support. Please reach out to friends and family. He is being ignorant and cruel. You are doing amazing already.
deciding if the cluster feeding and crying is wi
within normal range or hunger is so so hard- I’ve been there. I persisted and it did get better in the end - in one way feel proud I did, in one way I wonder if it was for the best for them and me. Keep an eye on the weight and do what works for you