Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mismatched Sex Drive Hack: The Marital Magic Minute

110 replies

MagicMinute · 08/03/2026 22:45

I may have found the hack for mismatched sex drives!? I could happily go weeks, maybe months without sex and wouldnt think of it much. DH OTH has a high sex drive. After years of arguments, debates and heart to hearts, a few weeks ago I came up with the magic minute and I feel there's is somwthing in it. AIBU?

My theory is, I can do anything for just 1 minute a day. So the rules are:

1 minute a day

  • sex/bj/hj/cuddle/kiss
  • appropriate moment/place i.e. no kids could walk in etc and not i.e when I am ready to sleep.
  • obviously some days I will be up for longer but no obligation.
  • its not scheduled so its whenever a minute works

I retain the right always to say no of course.
When we first implemented I had a cold so DH opted for a cuddle for 7 days. So its got him reviewing the days too, whereas previously he said there was always opportunity and would say "its been x days/weeks" without thinking of what may have affected those dates.

Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?

OP posts:
Pinkissmart · 09/03/2026 06:46

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 08/03/2026 23:03

What are you doing to deal with your lack of sex drive?

Jesus.
You know it can naturally wane, right?

boringperson123 · 09/03/2026 06:41

There is zero logic in this, it’s like saying if you hate cooking just cook your food for one minute (and eat it uncooked) 😂

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 09/03/2026 06:05

MagicMinute · 09/03/2026 00:05

What do you suggest?

Show quote history

That you address your lack of sex drive.

outerspacepotato · 09/03/2026 01:14

☠️

Minuteman means something else here. Or minute man. One is a soldier. The other's "soldier" goes off in a minute.

He's a 60 second man

ConstantlyFuriosa · 09/03/2026 01:13

Blergh.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/03/2026 00:58

MagicMinute · 08/03/2026 23:56

Are you a man?

Women's hormones are much more complex than that. A woman can love and fancy her husband but still not feel in the mood, its not a measurement of her feelings towards him. Much the same as a man can have sex with women he doesnt care about or even find that attractive.

Show quote history

I’m a woman and there isn’t a single thing you’ve said that I can relate to on this entire thread.

BauhausOfEliott · 09/03/2026 00:54

MagicMinute · 08/03/2026 23:58

Truthfully? A smugness that I have made him happy without having to get myself dirty (understand what I mean here please, noone is fresh after sex!), have sex when I am not feeling it, worry about how clean I may be at that moment, consider if I need the toilet first etc etc.

Show quote history

’Get yourself dirty’? Worry if you’re clean?

Honestly, I’ve never in my life considered sex as making me ‘dirty’ and not once in all my 50 years have I thought ‘Oh no, what if I’m not clean enough’ before having sex.

That’s just… joyless.

Aluna · 09/03/2026 00:18

I thought it was going to be a fleshlight I have to be honest.

Original poster
MagicMinute · 09/03/2026 00:05

CarrierbagsAndPJs · 08/03/2026 23:03

What are you doing to deal with your lack of sex drive?

What do you suggest?

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMinute · 09/03/2026 00:03

InterestedDad37 · 08/03/2026 23:57

"Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?"
1 minute sex in a boat 🤔

If there was kids about, 0 mins. On a boat in the middle of a river with noone about under the sun, Id be down for quite a few more minutes. Oh my! 🥵

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMinute · 09/03/2026 00:01

InterestedDad37 · 08/03/2026 23:57

"Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?"
1 minute sex in a boat 🤔

You know I have a theory, that women have a number of strokes during PIV that they react to. For me I tend to get off that way quite quickly then I am hanging around for him. Maybe some women take longer. So for example, the first time he goes in, it feels great, by the 10th - 20th stroke it feels incredible then I climax. But then I'm done. Maybe some women have a longer lead up time or have more stroke where it's building up!?

OP posts:
PurpleAxe · 09/03/2026 00:00

Fucking hell.

Original poster
MagicMinute · 08/03/2026 23:58

BarbiesDreamHome · 08/03/2026 23:40

What are you getting out of that 1 minute handjob? Not a lot.

A man that can still ejaculate knowing that I don't want to be there/am deliberately dissociating/find it a chore is repulsive to me.

Truthfully? A smugness that I have made him happy without having to get myself dirty (understand what I mean here please, noone is fresh after sex!), have sex when I am not feeling it, worry about how clean I may be at that moment, consider if I need the toilet first etc etc.

OP posts:
InterestedDad37 · 08/03/2026 23:57

"Its working well for us, what do you think if you are in the same boat? Could you do just 1 minute and then its done?"
1 minute sex in a boat 🤔

Original poster
MagicMinute · 08/03/2026 23:56

OneBreezyHelper · 08/03/2026 23:43

The whole thing is repulsive.

Imagine a man finding you so unattractive they just about force themselves to be with you for 60 seconds.. why would you stay in that relationship that is is not one?

Male or female, if your partner sees you as a very unpleasant chore they are forced to deal with.. it's time to move on and get a divorce quickly.

Are you a man?

Women's hormones are much more complex than that. A woman can love and fancy her husband but still not feel in the mood, its not a measurement of her feelings towards him. Much the same as a man can have sex with women he doesnt care about or even find that attractive.

OP posts:
SugarPuffSandwiches · 08/03/2026 23:55

1 minute sex?! 😂
What do you even manage in that time slot 😁

Original poster
MagicMinute · 08/03/2026 23:53

80smonster · 08/03/2026 23:36

Tell me more about the 1 minute blow job? I’m all for life hacks, if they work.

The minute is a good qualoty minute IYSWIM!
He wouldnt finish in 1 min but will finish himself. Because its just 1 minute I put on a good performance!

A quality minute id better than a reluctant 20 mins!

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicMinute · 08/03/2026 23:49

Ah more details needed I think!

None of it is only limited to 1 min a day! Of course we cuddle and do stuff randomly, this is more as the daily reminder for when days are busy and you could be ships in the night.

There are two types of desire/arousal, spontaneous vs reactive desire. Its perfectly normal for women to move from spontaneous to reactive after the first years of a relationship.

You can do your own research but to suit it up, 'reactive desire' is the answer to when men question "but you enjoy it when we do it" or when a woman posts on here "I like it when we do it so I dont know why I have such a low sex drive".

Its not in place of all intimacy. Its the bare minimum. It's been able to say "ok we can have 1 minute" and knowing if there are kids in the house, 1 minute is our best chance of not being disturbed, so I can switch off enough.

I do find my DH can go for a long time but that stresses me out that someone will walk in which kills desire

"Cortisol and sex hormones have an antagonistic relationship; when the body is in a state of high stress, it prioritizes survival (producing cortisol) over reproductive functions."

As a side note, DH is a termtime worker so we are very limited in when we get time completely just us 2.

WRT 1 min just getting going etc. The 1 minute is from when he is ready to go (so to speak), and then he is happy to finish himself, he enjoys if I watch.

OP posts:
OneBreezyHelper · 08/03/2026 23:43

The whole thing is repulsive.

Imagine a man finding you so unattractive they just about force themselves to be with you for 60 seconds.. why would you stay in that relationship that is is not one?

Male or female, if your partner sees you as a very unpleasant chore they are forced to deal with.. it's time to move on and get a divorce quickly.

BarbiesDreamHome · 08/03/2026 23:40

What are you getting out of that 1 minute handjob? Not a lot.

A man that can still ejaculate knowing that I don't want to be there/am deliberately dissociating/find it a chore is repulsive to me.

CrazyCatMam · 08/03/2026 23:37

I should add that we don't particularly have mismatched sex drives - more that with the stress of everyday life & kids, we don't get the chance & probably he's easier to get in the mood than me. I have found that this 'game' is a means for us to feel close, regardless of the outcome.

80smonster · 08/03/2026 23:36

Tell me more about the 1 minute blow job? I’m all for life hacks, if they work.

CrazyCatMam · 08/03/2026 23:34

@MagicMinute I get where you're coming from.

My DH & I play a game where each of us chooses what we do for the next X amount of seconds. It's fun & when we're super tired and have no energy for anything, just a few seconds of whatever the other chooses usually leads to more.

Obviously it's always consensual. It means that we've escaped the all or nothing cycle (sex or no sex) and we both benefit.

Oblivionnnnn · 08/03/2026 23:29

I can’t imagine being married to someone where I forced myself to endure one minute of closeness with him every 24 hours.

This is awful. Get a divorce.

dannyufcfan · 08/03/2026 23:28

tbf, I've lasted only a minute before.

Swipe left for the next trending thread