Hen do dilemma - surely I can't be the only one?!

Depends if you have a capable partner. I felt the same but did take the plunge and honestly worried about the plane going down all sorts. Ended up having a really nice time and a proper nights sleep!!!!!!

yoid be more likely to crash on motorway for an England trip than place to crash but horses for courses

I don't even have kids and I wouldn't go on a hen do abroad, they are just too much and I couldn't be arsed with it.

What happened to just having a local night out?!

I go away for work and leave DD with DH fairly regularly. I wouldn’t go away for a hen do though, purely because I think it’s ridiculous that it’s become common-place to expect people to spend a couple of thousand ££s on a hen-do. If I’m going to spend a load of money on an abroad trip I want to be with my family, doing something I want, in a place I choose.

Kids or no kids there's no way on earth I'd travel abroad for a hen do. Polite decline, no explaining, I just won't go.

It's nothing to do with kids, money or anything, just the presumption that anyone can just drop everything in their lives at a given moment and rearrange routines, have the available cash etc. to go to these things outside of the immediate area. And I'm always paired up with the most rabid drinker on the trip. Once bitten...

Its obviously up to you but assuming you are leaving the DC in the care of their father I don’t see the issue

I’d respect your decision OP but as a mum to three under 6, I travel fairly regularly with and without them. We live abroad from family so there’s practical travel (sometimes solo) to visit elderly grandparents, work based travel, travel for weddings, travel with friends (we both try get at least one short trip each year without the kids). You’re absolutely not strange to not want to leave your little people, but for me, I find I’m a nicer parent when I have me time too (and I think it doesn’t do the kids any harm. They are not abandoned they are with their dad who loves them). I really value my friendship time and would happily travel do a hen if we could afford it.

@ChangeAgainAgainAgain I have a strong sense of identity and a self worth outside of being a mum, but I don’t want to be in a different country to my kids. Both things can be true.

There’s no right or wrong; though I’d ask a woman with children of your children’s ages why she didn’t feel that their father couldn’t look after them for a weekend and enjoy that time with them - and if her answer was that she can’t trust him to be a decent dad, that would inform the onward conversation.

If you don’t want to be apart from your children, that’s fine, you can say no to the hen do. If it’s a good friend, there shouldn’t be any drama. But don’t forget that your children will become older and you’ll need outside relationships for yourself in all the years to come.

I’d do it for someone I’m particularly close with. I wouldn’t for someone I’m not.

I didn't have a problem with this when mine were little. I have a fabulous competent husband and great parents and in laws, all who were perfectly capable of looking after the children and that the children were perfectly happy to be left with, and I have a strong sense of identity and self worth outside of just being a Mum.

I’m with you OP, but saying that.. I am definitely in the minority in my friendship group, some of my friends have hopped on planes without their very young babies - no judgement whatsoever! My DCs are 5,8 & 10 and I would happily go away for a weekend now.

If I wanted to go on the hen do I would, but I've never had an issue being away from my kids. I go abroad for work as well and honestly flying and hotels without kids is an absolute dream!

I happily leave my youngst child with my husband for a weekend away girl guiding or a weekend with friends but I wouldn't spend money on a hen do abroad. I would spend the money on our family holiday.

Years ago with the eldest children were around 5 yo we left them with grandparents and went abroad. It it was after a surgery I had to relax a bit. No regrets tbh.

I’m with you OP. I regularly go out and do things without my kids and have spent nights away with them in this country but can’t bear the idea of being in a different country to them. I don’t judge people who do (in fact I’m almost a little envious!) but it’s not for me at this stage. Kids are 5 and 2 so similar to yours.

No way

There are definitely others who would feel the same as you. I'd say it's likely a 50/50 split tbh. I wouldn't hesitate but would have when my children were really small.

I boarded a plane and took my young kids to another country for a holiday and honestly after that I’d do anything rather than travel with under 5s again.

i suspect there will be some who agree with you but the majority will not.