Hen do dilemma - surely I can't be the only one?!

YANBU to not want to leave your children. Also, why are so many hen/stag parties so ridiculously elaborate and expensive these days?

Thanks! It was 16 years ago and he is all fine - it was the better of the two sorts which was a relief. But before we knew that, and being far away it was just awful. It’s a scary word to hear when you are far away.

I thought the same as you until I went abroad for work and left my two young kids and actually it was fine and I would be much more open to doing it for something fun rather than work now.

My husband and I had a weekend away in a European city last month and I was anxious about leaving my youngest child.
He's 21...

I had one night in France when my kids were a similar age but that didn’t seem such a big deal as it was just a short train ride away. Might as well have been going to Manchester. But I would have also been worried about being away for a longer period or a long flight.

God I wouldn't want to be away from the cat, let alone the family! I'd do it for someone I enjoyed spending time with at much as the children, which is no one, so I wouldn't go.

I’m sort of the opposite!! I rarely go to daytime things as like to spend time as a family. I prefer seeing my friends at night when my children are asleep!!

Oh what a nightmare! I hope your DS is ok.

My SIL would agree with you while judging all other mums who left their children’s side before they were ten years old

I’d have no issue leaving the kids, but I’d not want to spend money on a Hen do abroad.

It’s easy to think you’re the only person going through something - humans are pretty self-focused!! There will be some that do, some that don’t, there will pretty much be someone who feels similar to you so I wouldn’t sweat it!!

People can love their children, be ‘overly’ attached and go or not go on a weekend away. It’s not mutually exclusive!

Did this once when my DD was 2 (left with grandma) killed me, came back early, never did it again. I envy those who are able to do it, so I’m not judging anyone.

For me it’s the hassle and stress of getting back in an emergency. Dh is entirely capable, but if something happens it’s much much harder to get back and I would want to be there. I was in the same country but 200 miles away when DS was admitted to hospital with meningitis. Trains were shit and I ended up getting a very expensive cab half way and it was very stressful. Harder to do that when air travel is involved.

I think it’s fine to feel this way, although plenty of others won’t.

We have some friends who have organised their stag and hen do… on the same weekend! Which has been good fun to try and organise, given almost every attendee (bar the happy couple) had children…!

I'm with you OP. equally chuffed for the other side. It's a personal preference.

I've never spent a night away from my child (almost 2) and I'm absolutely happy with that. I've been to many a spa day or friends wedding etc for an entire day, but when night falls I am home with my husband and little girl, which is where I am happiest.

At 3 and 5, I’d be ok for a couple of nights. The longest I’ve left my nearly 2yo is one night at a time and he’s been with my DH. My 5yo and 12yo often go and stay with grandparents for up to a week in the summer.

I wouldn’t want to go abroad for the cost though unless I could also afford to take my kids on a proper holiday too.

I travelled multiple times when my DS was very young. I was a single parent with a role that required global travel. It wasn’t what I would have chosen but I just got on with it. My DS is now an adult male with a degree and a career. He survived.

It's the same with the reaction to hen do, look at this thread.

Some people love them, I much rather going to a nice weekend abroad than being forced to a hen do in this country - waste of a weekend if you ask me.
Some people absolutely hate them.

The only pressure is always the one you put on yourself. You are not doing anything "wrong".

We have no one to help with childcare and my partner works shifts so for us it would depend upon if it fit in with the shifts.

Due to not having people to help, when the children were young I would have probably said 'oh I could never leave my children' and be jealous of anyone who could.

But now they are older I don't think I'd actually want to go abroad and leave them at home.

That said I do have a planned break coming up in the UK without them or my partner (but it's not a destination my children would want to come to!)

There's no right or wrong here.

Everybody is different based on so many personal factors and experience.

Some people see "abroad" as a massive deal, others genuinely don't see the difference between flying to the other side of their own country or to a foreign country. Neither are wrong.

I wouldn't go, hate hen dos anyway, let alone having to fork out to go to another country. And leave young kids... nope.
I'd be absolutely devastated to be stuck somewhere - like a friend supposed to be just transiting through Dubai.

I would (and have) done it, for a mutal arrangement where it was fairer for both parties to meet in the middle. But not for a hen do, where expecting people to go abroad for you doesn't feel very guest-centric. But then I suppose a hen is all about the bride...
I would not judge you at all and totally understand why you wouldn't want to go.

More depends if you could afford it. I’ve got two kids and have been abroad with friends for a couple of nights leaving them with their dad. No issue. He’s done the same.

That would be a straight no from me, no matter how close the friendship.