Hen do dilemma - surely I can't be the only one?!

I have the most capable DH in the world but no I wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving them to go abroad. Maybe on Eurostar
I’d have been ok but I don’t like flying so wouldn’t have been able to relax .

I’d be fine with the leaving the children. But I’d still almost certainly say no to an abroad hen do. The cost, plus the annual leave (which is precious in our house because we need to cover school holidays) would mean it probably wouldn’t be practical. DH turned down a stag do last year for the same reason.

I'm with you OP, I don't like the thought of being a flight away if something were to happen.

I've also never enjoyed a hen do though. Even just with my closest friends in the world, a one night trip is enough for me to want to have some peace and quiet after - so I'd have said no even before kids!

I would do this, but was back travelling for work before they were both 1 (and breastfed through that as well). DH is a fully functional parent.

I'm not even going to deny I liked it! I really liked it- what a treat. I've always travelled a lot for work and pleasure though so it's a very core part of who I am.

My husband and I have been to Disneyland for a few nights, Spain for a week and several 2 night trips all without the kids over the past 4 or 5 years. Their ages would have been between 1 and 6 years old during these times with the number of children increasing as the years went by 😂

But if you don't want to go then don't. It's not up to anyone else to force or judge you although I do think it is good to take time for yourself.

This ^ 100%

I would go for a close friend but I wouldn’t want to.

Everyone's different OP. I couldn't, but did for a few days when DS was two, for a conference. Don't think he missed me as he had DH all to himself!! It was hard, though, but I admit enjoying the selfish freedom a bit!!

Whereas my friend left her first born 3 month old with her DM to take a long haul honeymoon. Since then they travelled all over the country & world leaving DC with her MIL. They couldn't understand why we took local holidays with our DC. I felt sorry for her DC.

I get that and love it for you. When I say "many" a spa day I'm talking about 5 or 6 since she was born haha. But it's enough for me. Family days are just top tier aren't they!

Tbh, I'm a total home honey anyway and I just love being here, in my home. Although pre motherhood I did really bleeding well enjoy a good old knees up with the girls! But after pregnancy and abreast feeding, I went on my first night out, had 2 glasses of wine, was absolutely trollied by 9pm and asleep in bed by 10 😂. So I decided to hang up my dancing shoes and stick to the odd day drinking event.

Not sure if it was the transition into motherhood, or the fact I'm pushing 40 that caused that. Maybe a mixture of both. But I wouldn't change it now. X

I have a strong sense of identity and self worth outside of just being a Mum

and of course any mother who doesn’t want to go to a hen do abroad without her young children doesn’t I suppose @ChangeAgainAgainAgain ? 🙄

I think views will differ. I have taken breaks when DCs were small. That being said, I am not a great fan of foreign hen weekend and the costs you can incur.

You do with whatever you are happy doing, I used to be happier leaving my little girls but as they’ve got older it’s actually harder. We left our oldest at 2 years old for 5 nights with grandparents while we attended a wedding in the US, I wouldn’t do that now. Age 2 she was a little oblivious but she’s 9 now and she’d be so upset if we did that, however much she loves her grandparents.

I have a hen do in this country, it’s 2.5 hours drive away and the first night is after a significant school day for my oldest and I want to be around for her so I’m just going for the one night.

happy to leave the kids with grandparents usually, and more than happy to leave with husband. have taken one of them abroad without the others before.
However, trump is putting me off going abroad at all at the minute with or without the kids.

YANBU.
I have always felt rather guilty and couldn’t wait to get back to my daughter when I went overnight without her and I’m still the same now.
I went to Spain on a conference with work for 4 days when DD was under 2 and I was counting down the days, even though it was great and a fantastic opportunity.
My DD is 8 now and I’ve been abroad with the girls when it’s a friend(s) I’m really close to. Secretly I’ve always wanted to come home early, even though we had a good time. Whilst I don’t admit it to anyone, I can’t ever imagine not feeling like this until she’s an adult tbh! For less close friends I would not go.
Saying this, neither my partner nor my parents are helpful with childcare, that probably makes a difference.
I think I’m in the minority as I have friends who spend long periods of time away from their kids without a second thought. Neither is the right or wrong way, just different.

YABU for going as you obviously don't want to. Overseas hen nights are ridiculous. Tell her you'd rather go out for a pizza and a bottle of wine where you live.

I’m with you OP, I wouldn’t want to go (and would have no problem saying so). 😊

I’d be skipping to get on that plane! I went to Australia for 2 weeks (on a work trip) when my eldest was 16 months. It was great. She was in excellent hands with Dh.

Generally, no, unless still bf, I don’t think most mums would struggle to leave their dc for a weekend away. Different, of course, if they are 6 months. Or if a lone parent. For example, I have no family, so if I didn’t have Dh, I wouldn’t be possible to go away. But no, never felt guilty or uncomfortable leaving them. In fact, I take a solo holiday abroad every year and have since they were both toddlers. I’d rather poke my own eye out than go on a hen do though. 😂

I personally do not like to be overseas from the DC (2 under 5s). Ive had to do it for a couple of nights for work and I felt uncomfortable the whole time. Ive done several nights away from them in the UK (DH and I together, and me by myself) but i just have this low level anxiety about being a plane ride away, something happening and then not being able to get back. Doesn't even need to be a war like situation as in the Middle East right now - a family member of mine got stuck when that icelandic volcano erupted and it took them over a week to get back, my DM was overseas once when my GP was admitted to hospital and it was very stressful for her getting back. I'd rather wait until the DC are older.

Yes I'm with you here. I can't imagine wanting to go abroad without DC, if I'm having a lovely time away I'd like them to be there enjoying it with me! I do recognise the need for child free time, and have had weekends away with DH in this country, but not a big travel experience in a different country without them.

I think my issue would be the amount of time away, rather than the flight. A friend (quite a few years ago) went on a hen do in the Dominican Republic for a week - who has enough annual leave to do that? Particularly if there are several weddings that year.

I lost a so called “best friend” from doing this by not going on her hen abroad. You have every right to feel the way you do, don’t let anyone influence your choice. Go with your gut 🥰 Real friends will understand xx

I have done it and it was fine. It felt really good to do something for myself, and to rediscover parts of myself I used to know well, but have been a bit lost since having kids.

You are uncomfortable with it though, so don’t do it and don’t let anyone else pressure you!

As soon as someone says Meningitis, you panic!

My DD was hospitalised last year with suspected sepsis so I had the same panic. Luckily, I was with her at the time but my parents (they live very close to us and their house is my kids’ second home) were on holiday and my mum just wanted to be on a plane coming home.

YANBU- I would not feel comfortable at all travelling abroad with anyone under any circumstances without my 2 young children. It is a very personal decision and completely valid that you don’t want to do this.

I was happy leaving them with my dh to go abroad when youngest was approx 3yrs old, left them with relatives to go abroad with my dh when youngest was 5yrs old. Different strokes for different folks, no reflection on how attached I am to them, I adore my dc. I was confident they were safe and happy on both occasions and I had a lovely time. Wouldn't have gone if I had concerns about their safety and happiness.