Hen do dilemma - surely I can't be the only one?!

I agree with you @LoftyPlumFox . Go with what your heart tells you to do.

I probably wouldn't have gone when mine were babies but if they were 3 and 5 I would have. I knew they would be fine at home with their dad and it's not inherently more dangerous to be away in another country than it is being away in the UK.

No. Although bf for a bit too long gets you out of loads:) get a reputation as someone who bf a 18 month old and I can promise you you'll never have to worry about anyone asking you anywhere:)

I just liked being at home with my dc. I never really liked going out as I got older anyway, not clubbing and stuff.

I like people coming over, or going to them but I don't drink anymore either, because of being woken up in the night and early mornings/ long days and don't like to have a hangover round the dc.

I have been abroad without my preschooler.

My child isn't why I'd decline a foreign hen do though. I wasn't in to them and declined before I had kids too. There are other ways I'd rather spend my time time and money. I did go on a foreign hen once for one of my oldest friends and it consolidated my opinion.

I've done exactly the same as you previously. I have declined a hen do abroad, and tbh even in this country I don't like being away from my 3y/o for more than one night.
I don't think there is wrong or right about it, it is just personal choice and something that depends on the personalities and needs of each parent and their child.

I went on my friends hen do abroad at 20 weeks pregnant, left my 2 year old at home with her very capable Dad. We had a villa and I spent 3 days out of “mum mode”, I rested, read my kindle, swam, laughed with the girls. It was amazing. I missed DD of course but I knew I’d be back before I knew it so I made the most out of the opportunity!

I went away for 4 nights with friends when my eldest was 2.5 and youngest was about 10 months! I had to pump while I was there as I was still breastfeeding youngest to sleep at home! But the holiday - it was a very rare occurrence, and I have a very hands on husband who was happy to take the time off work to look after the kids while I was away.

I didn't really miss them much either 😂 but then again my DH worked away a lot back then so I never got a break and was happy to swap!

However, this summer we've been asked to go on a a couples weekend away to Spain. I know it's not very far, but I think I'm actually more bothered about the fact we'd BOTH be going, so if anything happened to us, or god forbid one of the kids while we were away, they'd have no parent with them.
So I'm much more apprehensive and I have actually decided to finally get our wills done before we go. Yes morbid I know! But it does make you think about this stuff.

Plenty of people wouldn't feel happy going, in your situation though and it's just a personal choice.

I would happily spend up to 3 days away from young children, having a brilliant and fun time which I would richly deserve, so long as at all times I would theoretically be no more than 3 hours away from then in the event of any kind of emergency. So I can't think of any overseas destination that would be true for unless I was going to be in a resort right next to an international airport because most of that time limit would be used up entirely by the ground based admin before and after the actual flight time.

I thought I would but imagine being in Dubai now.. that’s put me off!

There’s no right or wrong, my DC are grown up now but I found I was a better mum for having a break once a year and my DH and DC enjoyed their time together. I also think it helped him appreciate what I did for the family.

I travel without my kids but probably wouldn’t do a hen abroad unless for my best friend. It is ridiculous the spend people expect.

I go away at least once a year without my kids ever since they were around 1/1.5

husband and I leaving kids for 10days next year wit my parents while we go on holiday to celebrate our milestone bdays (kids be 4&7)

I always feel a bit nervous in advance then settle into it and proper enjoy myself !!

Kids happy and safe with dad or my parents - so I’m happy to do this

Yes, I would and have done. I have a 3yo. My friends with younger babies also all do. We all enjoy ourselves and can afford it. But if it’s not what you want to do, then don’t. No one is right or wrong.

I would not want to leave my dc to go abroad at that age either. Maybe a night or two in the uk, that’s what I was comfortable with at that age. However I was definitely unusual in my friendship group so I think it’s very normal to have holidays without young kids. For me it was partly financial as well, as we didn’t have a lot of disposable income for holidays.

Up to you. But it is a bit feeble not to be able to leave your children for a couple of nights. Imho.

My problem with child free holidays (or indeed family holidays in term time) is it uses up valuable holiday allowance that I need for the school holidays.

I wouldn't have a problem going abroad without them, in fact I have done for work several times, but I am not swimming in annual leave or cash and I just couldn't justify it really.

No way would I go abroad without my children. End of.

Each to their own I guess

To me it wouldn't feel any different to going away for a couple of nights in this country. But I suspect that's because I spent a couple of years living in continental Europe in my 20s, and now my DH is from another country, which we visit 2 or 3 times a year, so it doesn't feel like a big deal to me. I put YABU only as a means of voting for how I would feel - I wouldn't actually judge another mum one single bit for not wanting to leave her 3 and 5 year old to go abroad. To be honest, mine are the same age, and I've only left them twice - for one night and then two nights respectively.

I am an absolute fanny about leaving my kids! They are 17 and 12 🤣. They have had maybe a handful of nights without one of us there! They would be absolutely fine, I however would not!

It’s actually easier to get away when they’re little. Once they get into school, sports etc finding the time and help is much harder.

I would have had no problem going but it would need to be something I would really enjoy. Otherwise not worth the money or hassle imo

I would just say you can’t and give another reason to friends or you’ll definitely come across as judgy.

I don't think there is a right or wrong.

I went abroad twice last year without my son (3/5 nights). He was absolutely fine, and had a great time time with his dad. I felt sick leaving him, and was plagued with mum guilt, but ended up having two fantastic breaks.

I am away abroad for a week this year, and again feeling awful for leaving, but I know DS (5) will be fine, and again have lots of fun with DP.

Me and DS have a wonderful bond, and me going away, once or twice a year doesn't affect that.

I have a 5 year old and have travelled overseas for short breaks of 2-3 days with friends and also for work. DH is perfectly capable of coping with her on his own, and although I miss her when I’m away, I don’t think it’s healthy for us to be connected at the hip 24/7.

I would never leave an under one yr old. I didn’t have the kind of job that requires me to travel so it never came up in a work sense but no way would I leave under 1 EBF baby with DH. And I wouldnt leave dc who are your dc age. For me being out being away from dc isn’t a priority or something I yearn for… not financially or physically or mentally.

I also think I really wouldnt enjoy an out of country hen do. It’s too long for me making conversation getting ready eating drinking $$$ spending simply being with other females and I don’t like posing for pictures ! And I’m MN conventionally attractive😊 it’s too much socializing and I consider myself social.

now I would love a day in the museum or a day to shop or a day to get haircut and facial but not a hen do.
with that said I think say…it doesn’t work for me to be out of the country celebrating a hen. have a wonderful time. See the bride at another time or be really present really helpful at the wedding ,

Don't think I would have been able to do it when DD was young as yours. My situation was different through, it would have meant she would have to stay at grandparents so missing home as well as me. May have been more persuaded as a 1 off hen weekend. Definitely couldn't have done what I see some do on Facebook having their girls abroad holiday every year, as i always saw holiday time and budget to be something that should be child inclusive at that age.

As she got older (10+) she would regularly ask for double sleepovers at my parents at weekends when I was at home anyway. So I did have a weekend away with my ex (together at the time) to celebrate his 40th. He paid as he was well off and I only took 1 day off work, so it didn't disadvantage my DD in terms of her going without holidays or mini breaks. Still felt guilty though, think it is just seen in wider society as something selfish for mothers to do. If your from a family where it is not the done thing, you can't make yourself just force yourself to feel differently about it.

Realistically I know it isn't something that anyone should feel guilty about. Father's dont seem to have the same guilt instilled in them or the same expectations. We don't stop being a person in our own right the moment we have a child. Women should feel equally as able to have some break and to be themselves as a woman and not just mum, if that is something they would enjoy doing

It always makes me chuckle when I read things like this, as though wanting to spend time with your kids and husband is a sign of a weak character or lack of identity.

I prefer their company to most other people. I find all female events quite dull so going overnight or for a few nights would be completely unappealing, that’s an unpopular opinion on here.