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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Walking alone at night

217 replies

LeaveMeBee · 08/03/2026 21:18

Question.
Because I am trying to understand if AIBU.... I have been dating someone for 3 years. He quite frequently lets me walk alone in the dark through cut-throughs.. Doesn't offer to see me home safe (it would add about five minutes extra walking to his journey to do so) and I've just had a situation where I've made some comments about it and we had a few cross words.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable because "not all men".. Whereas I think, why would he not want to see me home safe?

So it's like if we've been to a restaurant and then walked back and we get to a certain point where his place is in one direction and mine is in the other.. And rather than see me home, he'll just say goodbye and see me off alone.

I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous... He seems to think I enjoy being strong and independent, but it's because I have no choice but to be!

I don't mean to sound like a princess. I am just taken aback when he doesn't offer to walk me back. It doesn't feel like he's wanting to be protective or like he cares about my well-being.

OP posts:
TheHardySeal · 08/03/2026 23:29

To all those women on here who think it’s ok to walk home in the dark late at night:

I used to think the same, until I was attacked.

You never think it will happen to you, but it can happen to any of us. Do not take the risk.

FloofBunny · 08/03/2026 23:27

FloofBunny · 08/03/2026 23:17

I would find this a massive, massive turn-off. Of course he should be seeing you home safe. My horrible exH was like this.

And he turned out to be a gigantic baby.

To me, a man making dure his gf gets home safely is a hallmark of maturity.

MojoMoon · 08/03/2026 23:26

What do you do when you go out at night without him?
If you've gone out with friends or have a work event or done a late yoga class/evening class/choir practice, how do you get home then?

TwistedWonder · 08/03/2026 23:23

I find it more strange that you go home separately after a night out tbh. After 3 years I would have thought you’d stay at each others after a date night

Zoec1975 · 08/03/2026 23:23

LeaveMeBee · 08/03/2026 21:18

Question.
Because I am trying to understand if AIBU.... I have been dating someone for 3 years. He quite frequently lets me walk alone in the dark through cut-throughs.. Doesn't offer to see me home safe (it would add about five minutes extra walking to his journey to do so) and I've just had a situation where I've made some comments about it and we had a few cross words.
He thinks I'm being unreasonable because "not all men".. Whereas I think, why would he not want to see me home safe?

So it's like if we've been to a restaurant and then walked back and we get to a certain point where his place is in one direction and mine is in the other.. And rather than see me home, he'll just say goodbye and see me off alone.

I want a partner to be protective and chivalrous... He seems to think I enjoy being strong and independent, but it's because I have no choice but to be!

I don't mean to sound like a princess. I am just taken aback when he doesn't offer to walk me back. It doesn't feel like he's wanting to be protective or like he cares about my well-being.

He should be making sure you get home safe,end of.my lovely just turned 17 ye old son always walks his girlfriend home.

Screamingabdabz · 08/03/2026 23:22

My dd is at uni and all of her mates (girls and boys) never let anyone walk back alone. They always make sure one or two are together. It’s pretty standard behaviour to care about your friends’ safety. Your bf is a dick. I vote ltb too.

CherryBlossom321 · 08/03/2026 23:21

My 18 year old daughter’s boyfriend walks her home after she spends any time at his or if they go out elsewhere. And has done for the two years they’ve been dating. He seems very aware of the inherent risk involved with a woman walking alone at night. I wouldn’t think much of him if he didn’t.

FloofBunny · 08/03/2026 23:21

RonaldMcDonaldTrump · 08/03/2026 23:09

I'm sure Sarah Everard had the same thought.

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Exactly. The "women are safer on the street than men" didn't work for her, did it.

FloofBunny · 08/03/2026 23:20

BauhausOfEliott · 08/03/2026 23:11

But violent attacks on men are still far common than sexual attacks on women. A woman’s chances of getting home unharmed in any way are higher than a man’s.

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At least he has a chance, being evenly matched with a male attacker. OP is not evenly matched with a potential attacker.

mondaytosunday · 08/03/2026 23:19

Gosh my son wouldn’t even let his mate walk home alone! Certainly not a girlfriend!
Thus guy is not a keeper.

FloofBunny · 08/03/2026 23:19

itsthetea · 08/03/2026 21:31

You are being unreasonable in not walking yourself home - men are actually at greater risk walking so you should walk him home really

but if you want an old fashioned and illogical bloke that’s what you want and yanbu to seek what you want

They're at greater risk of being mugged, not at greater risk of being raped and murdered like OP is.

FloofBunny · 08/03/2026 23:17

I would find this a massive, massive turn-off. Of course he should be seeing you home safe. My horrible exH was like this.

MissApplejack · 08/03/2026 23:16

RonaldMcDonaldTrump · 08/03/2026 23:09

I'm sure Sarah Everard had the same thought.

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This!

MissApplejack · 08/03/2026 23:15

Dump him!

PollyBell · 08/03/2026 23:13

It is a 2026 not a Jane Austen novel, you are a grown woman who should be capable of being able to get to and from places without a chaperone

Are women not capable of being an adult these days?

BauhausOfEliott · 08/03/2026 23:11

HippityHoppityHay · 08/03/2026 22:55

and women are more likely to be raped.

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But violent attacks on men are still far common than sexual attacks on women. A woman’s chances of getting home unharmed in any way are higher than a man’s.

RonaldMcDonaldTrump · 08/03/2026 23:09

ExtraOnions · 08/03/2026 21:29

You are a grown woman, you are perfectly able to manage your own journey home. Get an Uber.

I'm sure Sarah Everard had the same thought.

Pistachiocake · 08/03/2026 23:08

Throughahedgebackwards · 08/03/2026 21:48

Sounds as though you're not compatible. Personally I can think of nothing worse than a man who opened doors for me and "wouldn't let me" walk home alone.

Yes, a man could well be called controlling or patronising if he suggests a woman can't do whatever a man can. I've seen some people complain if a man gives up his seat for a woman, and other women moan if they don't. Many women are stronger than a lot of men, and a criminologist friend tells me that there are more attacks on lone men, in our area anyway, which surprised me as we don't tend to talk about that. If you ask anyone (man or woman) to support or help you, that's one thing, but it's not up to any adult to tell anyone they're dating what to do.

HippityHoppityHay · 08/03/2026 23:03

Throughahedgebackwards · 08/03/2026 22:56

Then you have made the choice to limit yourself. It is well known that in adolescence, boys' worlds expand while girls' worlds shrink, and anyone who is teaching their sons and daughters that it is the boys' responsibility to 'see the girls home safely' is contributing to this.
Bad things happen sometimes, and the world is not without risk, but a fear of violent attack that is way out of proportion with the actual risks is weaponised against women. Chivalry is not about respecting women but about keeping us in our place, and so for me would be a red flag in a relationship.

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Baloney.
I walked girlfriends home after a disco once at 2am and was fine until I was on my own for the last 500m when a lone man out on the prowl decided I was fair game.
I was lucky I started to run before he did.
It's the only reason I made it to my home.

PurpleLovecats · 08/03/2026 23:02

It’s an issue for you so this relationship will struggle.

I’ve always been very confident walking alone at night. I grew up in a village with only two streetlights at the time and friends’ houses and the sports club etc were all down dark unlit lanes. So I wouldn’t think twice about walking home alone these days as where I live has streetlights til midnight.

But it’s a dealbreaker for you so end it .

(Just to add, in case anyone jumps on my post and points this out, I do not currently leave the house due to mh issues but I’m talking about prior to those).

dottiehens · 08/03/2026 23:02

YANBU leave him.

HippityHoppityHay · 08/03/2026 23:00

ilovesooty · 08/03/2026 21:55

Neither can I. If you want that kind of man perhaps you should look elsewhere. I would find it suffocating but people have different needs.

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It depends on where you live and how safe the area is.
If the area is dodgy I doubt you would find it suffocating for a long-term boyfriend to walk you home. He's just showing OP she's not worth it in his mind.
A man who takes his gf for granted after 3 years is not a keeper.

OnTheBoardwalk · 08/03/2026 22:56

3 years is a very long time. He isn’t going to change and give you what you need

Throughahedgebackwards · 08/03/2026 22:56

Pikachu150 · 08/03/2026 22:42

I have never had to "get on with it" and walk around in the dark late at night.

Show quote history

Then you have made the choice to limit yourself. It is well known that in adolescence, boys' worlds expand while girls' worlds shrink, and anyone who is teaching their sons and daughters that it is the boys' responsibility to 'see the girls home safely' is contributing to this.
Bad things happen sometimes, and the world is not without risk, but a fear of violent attack that is way out of proportion with the actual risks is weaponised against women. Chivalry is not about respecting women but about keeping us in our place, and so for me would be a red flag in a relationship.

HippityHoppityHay · 08/03/2026 22:55

BauhausOfEliott · 08/03/2026 22:46

Statistically, men are more likely to be attacked than women.

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and women are more likely to be raped.