After a year and a bit of OLD after losing my husband of 20 years I’ve had enough. I’ve met one full on narc, one womaniser, one very socially introverted and the other still in love with his ex. Plus not to mention about 50 more that have wasted my time texting just to fizzle.
so I went on Chat GPT and it told me to detox from all men for minimum of 6 weeks. Block all ex’s and dating apps. Apps had been deleted since October anyway. I’d just started and an American man added me as a friend on Instagram he’s 32 I’m 41. We’d been commenting on the same post. He described himself as very chilled out and nonchalant. Texts every day for a month but at times it’s been a bit slow or long I In-between due to time difference. Lately we started phoning each other most days, he has talked about having a fair few ex’s but has never lived with anyone, he lives with his mum and brother as rent is expensive. He’s says it’s his fault all previous relationships have ended as he didn’t prioritise the women’s needs. This was so refreshing compared to men here. If there is a pause in text time he will explain where he’s been and apologise.
he mentioned a few of his ex’s were Asian . So to cut a massive long story short, I’ve tried to end it a few times as I keep thinking logically where would-it go? I have 4 kids here 3 teenagers, I’m in my last year of nursing school. He has twice said I wish you all the best if you don’t think it will work I’m not going to convince you if your mind is made up but I’ve expressed that I think it could.
he’s also said a few times that he hopes I’m attractive to him. Plus he gushes if I say I’m starting to miss it when we don’t speak. We have a lot of jokey banter.
last night after a 3 hour phone call I said he was very cute and he said “ my looks?” I said no your personality but yes obviously I do think you’re good looking. I don't think he’s anything special I’d say a 5/6 at most but I like his personality. Then I flipped it and said “do you think I’m cute as you’ve never said”. So he phones me and said “ do I think you’re cute?” Then he said let me think about it, then he said mmmmm yes for a 41 year old but not compared to a 27 year old. I was gobsmacked, I asked what he meant and said I get loads of attention and he said yes what do men say? You’re attractive or you’re attractive for your age? He said everyone knows a women’s prime is in her 20s you can’t expect to compete. I didn’t try to compete. He said my body and long blonde hair would bump me up when I’m out that’s why I’d get attention. But he said if you looked at the face of a 24 year old and yours hers would be bette. He said if he was out with me, people would say I was attractive for my age but would say she’s 9 years older. He said if he was out with a 27 year old they would just say he was out with a 10 🤦♀️
every conversation is pretty much a debate. He said to me the other day that all parents have a favourite kid. When I said I don’t he said I was lying. He hasn’t got kids so he can’t know. He said from what other people have told him and what he sees he believes it’s true.
I messaged him this morning to say I was deeply offended and he said he understood and he was sorry he made me feel like that. I said that doesn’t really help to put my mind at rest. I said you could have just said I’m attractive but why the comparison and I said I just worry that he thinks I’m too old for him and every year I’d have an expiry date. He said he never said that ever but will let me think what I like.
I then left him a voice note saying I know he is a bit emotionally guarded and doesn’t like showing vunerabikity but sometimes I need reassurance especially when you’ve insulted me. I said if you message or ring me I’ll take it you want to build something still if you don’t then it’s a no. He’s had me on read for 4 hours. I’m really upset how that all turned so fast.
that was not a normal response from him was it? The more I think about it the weirder it goes. He’s also said he has no trouble cutting people off as he doesn’t feel stuff or even if he does he can still just walk away. Is this avoident behaviour? .