DS hates his 1:1 at school - don't know what to do

Does your child actually have urinary issues? Or is asking to go to the toilet a sensory, anxiety or behavioural issue?

It sounds a bit like the first OT was being overly supportive. This isn't a good thing as it leads to over reliance. Is it possible they are playing up to try and get their 'friend' reassigned permanently - possibly even deliberately wetting themselves or using water to pretend they have?

When my DS had a new 1:1 they did a period of overlap shadowing the original 1:1 to observe what they did that worked and then spent some 1:1 time with DS playing games or doing activities he liked first so that he could build up a trust relationship with them. Ask the school if that would be possible.

Also DS wouldn't cope with multiple changes of new TA when he was already undergoing a change of regular TA. His old school would put the cover TA with another class and he would be 1:1 by a permanent TA known to him already. If your son struggles with change they need a team of regular staff members to rotate so a third/fourth permanent member of staff who can be swapped in to be with him if either regular TA are off.

I would say that a female TA just needs to take him to the disabled toilet on whatever floor he is on because they can't check the male toilet, other people in the toilet might be scaring him leading to him having accidents. Very important especially if bullying is an issue as it could be occurring in the toilets or he has trauma from previous occurrences of bullying in the toilets.

You need a meeting with the SENCO.

Even if the only support with toileting is checking DS has washed and dried his hands, that can be included in DS’s EHCP. Some schools would have an intimate care plan even if washing/drying hands was the only toileting support required.

Would DS use the disabled toilet all the time? The school could put a sign in there reminding to wash and dry hands.

I have worked as both a Sen teacher and a 1:1 ta.

it really isn’t normal for the 1:1 to physically accompany a student to the toilets.

however it doesn’t matter what is normal it matters what is written down in his EHCP. What does his EHCP say?

When is DS’s next AR due?

I think you need a meeting with the school and care company. TA2 doesn’t sound like she understands DS’s needs and the support he requires. The relationship between TA1 and DS sounds like it is too close.

What does the EHCP say about toileting? Does the EHCP say anything about the experience, training and qualifications of the TAs? Does it say anything about the consistency of TAs? For example, limiting it to 2 consistent TAs.

@EmeraldEcho Your son has got very much attached to his main TA so much so he only wants him and no one else will ever be good enough. He’s not willing to be with anyone else whilst his main TA is in the school but not with him. I hate to say it but he’s manipulating the situation to get what he wants.

You imply that the disabled toilets are separate cubicles within the boys and girls toilets.

if this is the case then a woman ta cannot go into the boys with him.

are there any disabled toilets where she can supervise more closely? Ie where it is one big room for example?

however at my school any kind of involvement with toileting was considered an “intimate care” and TAs who were paid extra to take on that responsibility did it. Students would need to wait until one was available.

what do you want to happen?

they won’t give him ta1 all the time even if ta1 is available because your child is clearly way over attached to him. You could ask for another male ta but that won’t necessarily solve the toilet problem as not all tas will be prepared to do that particularly if on a basic contract.

I do think you got a very accommodating ta last year and it’s not uncommon in these situations for the ta to burn out a little and ask to do fewer days in the future with that child just so they have some balance.

Having more than one 1:1 is fine (and it's probably a good idea... otherwise it would be much harder to manage if the existing TA left suddenly or was sick).

However, having a rubbish TA isn't acceptable.

If he needs 1:1 all day and is wetting himself when he is sent to the toilet alone, she is not doing a good enough job. To be honest, if she hasn't figured out the correlation between him going to the toilet alone and wetting himself and acted on this. I wouldn't trust her in any aspect of her job. Even if she hasn't been explicitly told to go with him, it only requires a basic amount of common sense for her to raise this and find out what the other TA does.

Be polite but very clear with the school that this is not acceptable.

One of my diabetics was assigned a TA. They soon got the measure of how said student was manipulating their levels and lying about their levels to get out of class. So the TA pushed back a little. This caused huge complaints from the student and consequently the parents. Good luck to them as they are setting their child up to fail.
we often say that those with an EHCP are untouchable and it’s causing problems for everyone.

Re your last paragraph, it’s only a matter of time. Really sorry 😢
I work in a secondary school and this needs sorted as a matter of urgency.

There needs to be effective communication between TA1 and TA2. It doesn't sound as though any information on how to handle your son's needs and quirks have been passed between them.

I'd contact the school, make it clear that you recognise that he needs to get used to someone else, but ask for there to be a clear behaviour plan based on what TA1 has found to work, so that TA2 isn't put at a disadvantage, and your son has some consistency.

I have job shared classes in a special school, and consistency was all. Every single thing was noted, every meltdown, every sanction, every success, so that the person who picked up the class next know exactly what had happened before. And behaviour plans were super-detailed, so that the child got the same response whichever of us was managing them.

I would have a chat with the school. Perhaps the 2nd TA could shadow the 1st TA for a week or they could meet and share strategies. Or the school may rotate TAs around to see if there is a better fit with another staff member. They will probably not assign TA1 to be DS's exclusive 1:1.

It is good practice for children with 1:1s to have more than 1 adult working with them in order to cover sickness, people leaving, staff training, swimming ect. It is also good for 1:1 staff retention and staff knowledge and skills to work with different children with different needs rather than just 1 child. Unfortunately having the same 1:1 all week last year has made him reliant on them and the school may chose to rotate TA1 to another child for a term or so to break the reliance.

Is TA1 agency/ long term supply or are they employed directly by the school? It is always good practice to make sure a long term supply does not become a sole 1:1 for a child as they can leave or have their contracts terminated at a moments notice.

I do feel for you - he sounds a lot like my DS! In his second primary school he had up to 5 different people in a week and surprise suprise he didn't last there after having several meltdowns and being excluded.
He now has in his EHCP "maximum of 2" people as his TA. Does your DS have anything like that? What about the training specified?

Ex teacher

my school did not have regular 1:1 TAs after a while except for very severe levels of need because the students get attached to them and it’s very difficult when it comes for time to move on.

in the same way that students need to get used to interacting with a wide variety of teachers compared to the one class teacher at primary, students with send do better if they can develop the skills to work with a variety of TAs.

obviously this is more challenging for some students than others. But all secondary schools would be looking to develop the ability to work with more than one ta.

it may be that this second ta is not a good fit for your son. But equally it is quite likely that your son has become very very reliant on the first ta and school are trying to develop his independence.

your child will have to leave the first ta when he leaves that school. It is better if this is done gradually over time than if it is done suddenly at the end of year 11.

Do you know for certain that TA2 has been told the best response to a request to use the toilet to avoid things? And that she needs to escort him there?

I do feel for you both though.

That's true, a shame though if it could have helped.

My sons have TAs so I feel your pain.

He has become too reliant in his current TA.

Surely a meeting with senco and TA can iron out some of the issues with new TA.

#Ask she accompanies him to the toilet and that dc uses the diabled toilet as female TA cant go into the male toilets.
#include dc in meeting and agree that he takes no more than say 2 toilet breaks in a class (1 if you think more appropriate) and that she goes with him and waits.
#changing- one of my dc wears his pe kit to school so he doesnt have to change. He often takes a spare pe top, wipes and deodorant and will go to diabled loo, wipe and change his top so he doesnt smell.

That is very unlikely to be a possibility as resources are very scarce!

Did they have a crossover period where the new TA could learn from his regular TA? That way she could have watched and learnt and so could your son. Maybe this is still a possibility or maybe she could shadow them at the beginning of the week? Do you have any idea of plans for next year yet?

I feel for your son, he's had his stable school life disrupted through no fault of his own. I would ask for a meeting to discuss everything in detail so things can hopefully become easier for everyone involved.

Perhaps write down some of your son's routines for the second TA . Or if this feels too much perhaps ask if male TA can give a brief rundown of the usual things that helped your son . I understand this from both sides and it is often easily resolved . Simple things like a client prefering a certain glass or their apple peeled . Easily accommodated if the TA knows but can be upsetting for individual. He does need to be able to manage with different people as no one can guarantee 100% attendance of preferred TA.

It probably is best that he is used to having more than one TA, because there is likely to come a time when that person isn't available, or is sick, or decides to leave, or whatever. You mention the company - are they using a supply agency for long term supply? There is also the possibility that any one TA could find it too intense to be with one student all the time.
If the second TA isn't a good fit though, I think you should tell the school and ask if there is someone else available, or ask for a meeting so that the problems this TA has when working with your son, like walking with him to the toilets etc, can be sorted.