To feel like a right loser- anyone else?

well that is true wealth . Family, health and contentment are priceless IMHO.

Have you got ambitions to earn more or climb the ladder?
In all honesty i can understand what your saying,
I was a manager of a niche sales team and earned almost 70k a year which was a goal I had set myself, I was 32-34. Started getting peeved I wasnt a "Head of" and jumped to another company to be Head of Sales, base salary increased by 35% but the bonuses were crap. Lesson 1- dont rely on being told repeatedly at intervew "very competitive commission" ask to see the bonus policy for your role before deciding. So i went from earning 70k as a manager to 65k as a head of.

What was the point in that? Because at the time i was SO HUNG UP on being a head of that I didnt actually look at the whole picture.

Lesson learned my side I wanted certain goals which on paper (cv) look good but its not done anything for me really. The company i work for is shit there is no employee benefits no development.

Step back from what your thinking right now,( failure, not achieved enough. )

What were your goals 2 3 5 years ago, where are you now. What does real success look like in the next 5 years for you? How can you achieve that?

Think I'm the biggest loser. State pension and pension credit . Tbh I don't feel like a loser , got a lovely family ,my house is paid off , I don't envy anyone and think the people you work with sound very unpleasant .

Why do you feel guilty? Do your children go without something in particular? If you grew up relatively more comfortable, will there be inheritances at some point that will boost your children’s financial situation in the future?

Well you could equally say moaning about feeling a "loser" on an income of 130k isn't really good for others mental health either.

We have some savings, not enough to pay it off/down enough and still leave us with long-term savings though.
We're seeing a financial adviser soon.

@ConstanzeMozart what's your plan for when the interest only mortgage comes to an end?

Your not a loser. I've never had A decent job, the best job I had was a temp for royal mail!

We earn about 70K between us because we're stupid enough to work in arty/creative industries and to be self-employed

Many of our friends are in similar jobs and circumstances, although we also know people who have e.g. large townhouses with minimal mortgage, stuffed with tasteful furnishings and upmarket clothes. I don't know anyone who would look down their nose at me for earning less. I guess I'd avoid people like that.
No kids, not particularly expensive tastes, don't run a car (we're in London where it's more trouble than it's worth, plus keen not to run up our carbon footprint).
Happy with lifestyle overall except I'd love to travel more, and there are things we need to do to the house (repairs rather than aesthetics) that will require savings/digging deep to fund.
Main worry is we're 50-ish and have an interest-only mortgage that's coming to an end in a few years.

I think sometimes people forget they're better off then others when they make certain comments. I have a team leader who's husband works abroad. Team leaders are also well paid. She made a comment to me when gas went up other year about feeling sorry for people who couldnt afford to heat their house sufficiently, I had to point out I was one of those people. A few years later we skipped presents and went on an extra holiday.... she asked where I was going in summer then said oh but you went at Christmas. I took this as I couldnt possibly afford it.

You work in an environment where people are wealthy but surely there’s normal income people aswell . Maybe the people with the new range rovers and private schools look with envy at your caring comfortable family . You just don’t know . Don’t compare yourself would be my advice .

No you didn't.

I am saying I think you need your mental health looked at.

You seem very down on yourself and life 'feeling like a right loser' etc.

That won't disappear on it's own no matter how much you earn or how far you get in life, if it does indeed turn out to be a MH issue.

Does it matter how much those around you earn? You have what I would consider an entirely reasonable, privileged and comfortable income. Is it enough for your family? Do you lead a (somewhat) happy life? If the answers are yes, why does it actuality matter what others earn, say, or do?

Forgot to add - we earn less than half your household income and are considered very comfortable in my southern European country where “poor” British people holiday at AI sunny resorts. Put that into perspective, we genuinely believe a British adult on £25-30k a year is rich, because that is a high amount of money for us.

See, comparison is the thief of joy.

Just remember 0.5% of the population are earning that amount - and the majority of those will be working in a small number of industries in London.

Its a huge outlier and not a sensible bar to compare yourself.

And as for sneering at your lifestyle - that says nothing about you, and everything about their prejudices / need to prove they are special in some way.

well i felt quite comfortable until I read your thread. OP. . Your income is way above my families and something we could never attain to.
See its that simple...comparison really is the thief of joy.
Just appreciate what you have and dont judge yourself on material.things. You have a v good income and no doubt can buy what you need to live as can I.
We have totally lost touch with reality in wealthy countries anyway and are living a lifestyle beyond the reach of huge swathes of people in poorer countries and it is obscene that people just want more and more to make themselves feel worth something.

I thankfully don’t mix with people who sneer at state school and care about designer clothes,

I know the current economic climate is hard on many (most) people, but try to get some perspective.

What are your values? What do you care about?

If you chase after shiny things you’ll always be unhappy, as there is always someone with a bigger house, better car, flashier holidays.

I had a friend who worked part time in a senior job, her husband was equally senior. They had three kids, two cars, millions of extra curricular activities, a big house in a lovely area, but I had to stop being friends with her because all she did when we met up was complain about how poor she was, how 'everyone else' had a bigger house / a better car / more designer clothes than her. It was exhausting and frustrating to listen to.

She had so much but all she saw was what she didn't have. Her life was filled with complaining and misery and it was all entirely self inflicted. She could have been so happy if she'd stopped to smell the roses and be grateful for the blessings she had.

Don't waste your life away like that. You're living your own unique life and your colleagues are living theirs. If you compare yourself to others you'll never be satisfied.

It's how you frame it. I'm older than you, earn less and I'm less senior. In certain workplace settings I hear people on high incomes chatting about private school costs, music lesson costs, cost of mortgages etc along with how stressful their jobs are and about how they can never switch off, and genuinely my first thought is I'm glad I haven't got myself into a situation where I'm trapped in a career because my outgoings are so high. I understand needing a big house if you have a big family, but most don't they've just become used to a particular standard of living which is really hard to maintain. I rarely get the impression that it's made them any happier than a more average income tbh!

As a household we earn the same as you, we have a huge mortgage and 1 child. 3 kids is expensive. Were similar age I am 36 and in a head of role but the pay isnt better than when i was a manager at another company. So titles dont mean everything which is something ive learned too late,

We dont have loads left at the end of the month- kids clubs childcare hobbies pets its all expensive. How old are your colleagues do they have young kids? Have they been paying their mortgages for 20+ years and have better rates?

They may just be clueless to how the world is now but ultimately please dont compare yourself to them.

No. But then I’m not insecure

Your working environment just doesn’t sound very pleasant, if people openly sneer at others with less money or who make different choices. Feeling inadequate compared to people who are unpleasant and probably aren’t all that happy (happy, content people don’t feel the need to mock and judge others) is a waste of time. If there are aspects of your life you aren’t happy with then focus on those and how you can change them.

I earn less than many colleagues an some friends but no, I’ve never felt inadequate over it. I’m very happy with my life and very happy with the level I’ve reached in my career, I’ve no desire to upend my good work-life balance just to chase money.