To feel like a right loser- anyone else?

Sounds depressed to me.

Could also be pregnancy hormones.

I think there is so much out there encouraging us to compare what we have now, it can be hard not to feel lacking.
I follow some beautiful home renovation accounts, and they can be inspiring, but sometimes they provide a kick rather than a lift! Yesterday I followed a link they post to a new throw pillow or something that looks really pretty and it retails at £300+ and it does sting. It shouldn't, but it does.

OP - I think you are ridiculous and to be honest, a bit of a spoilt brat. You had a privileged upbringing and now you are throwing your toys out of the pram because you don’t perceive you are on par with your peers. You don’t feel you are where you SHOULD be due to your privileged background. It’s entitlement dressed up as a pity party. YOUR post is crass, never mind the other post you were referring to.

Comparison is the thief of joy…..

I think this post is wise. It can be hard to avoid comparing sometimes.I know a family with double our income and I've fallen into that trap at times.As mentioned previously, people in this bracket often have huge outgoings too. I'm of an age now where some of my wealthy friends have been made redundant and their circumstances have changed.
Remember also that everyone spends on different priorities.I know some people who keep a horse as their main expense or go on luxurious holidays annually whereas with young kids ,childcare is obviously the same cost as these.
Enjoy the life stage of having your third child , a financial choice in itself, and as your kids get bigger there'll hopefully be lots of opportunities to develop your career and earning potential if you want that :)

I finding your woe is me, I only have a household income of £130K very ironic 🤨

I used to feel envious of family and friends who earnt way more, went on fabulous holidays, bought extravagant gifts for their children and so much more. They didn’t brag or anything it was just what I saw but then I realised I had two very bright, sociable daughters who worked hard at school and have gone on to have very good jobs, lovely husbands and I have two amazing grandchildren. I feel blessed.I had a friend whose son ended up on drugs then prison despite a privileged background others unable to have children or divorced. Also people want you to see the wonderful but who really knows what their life is like behind closed doors.
So what I am trying to say is instead of dwelling on the negatives look at the positives.

I'm fifty and last year my profit share in my small business was £36,000. Plus I'm single and childless. I'm a total loser if those are the metrics 🤷‍♀️

I was at a kids party with DS yesterday. Other parents were arriving in Mercedes, BMW, Range Rover… The birthday boy’s house was beautiful. Huge. Catering company did the food. His mum was effortlessly chic, and totally unstressed by it all.
A lot of the other parents are doctors, solicitors, bankers. Some aren’t. I’m not a top-earner, or a professional. The school isn’t posh, but we live in a nice area. We don’t own a house or a car. Or go on an annual holiday.
Did I feel like a loser? A bit... But they all had their own troubles. Divorce. Lost their parents. Debt. Loads of interest in my work (events) saying their jobs are boring. It just made me decide to make the best of what we have.

It is hard to undo feelings and mindsets that have been there since we are young… If you were to rephrase it, would you feel like your children were losers if they “only” got to achieve what you have in life? If 30 years from now, they have the same lifestyle as you, what would you think of them?

Do you talk to them about how privileged you all are to have a decent quality of life, or do they think success only equals Dubai, Florida and higher-than-a-BMW car models?

I think if you get into the mindset that money is the be-all and end-all you'll always be unhappy about how much you have. There will always be someone with more, something else to buy and something you can't afford. Comparison plays a huge part in this and if you're always socialising with people financially better off it's easy to forget that you're in a better position than most.

Your salary is good, but there are more important things. You have two beautiful children, and another on the way. Are you a good mum? Do you have a happy and loving relationship? Do you have hobbies, skills or talents? Are you a decent person who helps others? These are all a hell of a lot more important than what car you drive.

You're not a loser, you're just surrounded by unpleasant (wealthy) people who make themselves feel better by looking down on others.

When I was a kid I thought I was rich. A free school meal card that I didn’t know I had because my family were poor I thought we were richer than the other people having to eat their mums crappy cheese sandwiches while I had baguettes from the canteen. I seriously thought my mums paid a lump sum for that every September lol
I also thought I was rich because my mums was a clean freak and our house was far cleaner than all my friends kind of like a show room.

Its all perspective and mindset just think of the people back in plague times who were lucky to survive childhood and had to shit in a hole in the ground.

There is so much more to life than money! You need to stop comparing yourself to others and concentrate on happiness, not material possessions. It also sounds like your workplace is very toxic. Maybe look at changing to a different workplace and working on appreciating the small things in life. There are no pockets in shrouds. Happiness is the ultimate wealth in life.

I used to compare to others, feel inadequate, frustrated, angry I never earned as much as my "potential."

A few years ago I worked out I was in the top 10% if not 5% of the world. I earn less than you but we both have homes, can afford to heat and repair them, and never go to bed hungry. Someone will always have more than me, but I always have enough.

If I ever think like a "right loser", which I still can, I remind myself of that.

The Thing is though everything is slightly more expensive so it adds up to a lot. £150 extra for childcare, entrance fees for days out and things like soft play once they are walking, food, holidays once they are 2 and even before that taking into account transport food and activities, school holiday activities, clothes all add up. Then saving for their futures, contributions to things like house deposits go 2 is manageable but 3 is spreading it a bit thin.

@Conundrummum123 you have horribly unpleasant work colleagues then!
When I have come across people who earn very well, I find they're more likely to be nostalgic about 'simpler times', obviously forgetting that there is hardship that goes with that. The people I tend to meet in my sector are more likely to be (genuinely) self made rather than come from money though, so I'm not sure if that makes a difference. Eg even if they were comfortable growing up they wouldn't have been wealthy, and their grandparents or extended family would have known harder times.

So, do you think I’m a right loser? I’m a single mum, earning just over £25k a year, working 40 hours a week. I live in a small flat, haven’t been on holiday in seven years. I bet you don’t think I’m a loser at all (I’m not 😁) Extend the same grace to yourself. You’re doing great.

Most parents want to give their child the best start in life, but that doesn’t mean a private education. It does mean children who are loved, cared for, supported in school and other activities. It means consistency from parents, boundaries and discipline. Buying advantage for your kids is meaningless without compassion and empathy, which the people you work appear to be lacking.

I think the problem is that your values are telling you that outward signs of wealth (designer clothes, going to the Canaries, etc.) are your measure for being a success or a failure. Your values are skewed. Those are not the markers for success - it might be what you want but it's not what many people of your peers would want.

I also think we are all in life for the long game. You are in a life phase where there's unlikely to be much surplus cash, with 2/3 kids. That too will ease over time.
I didn't have much cash in my 20's and 30's but stuck at it and earn a lot now and kids are grown. Things change if you keep on course and stick at it.

Tbh it does

Money comes and goes
sometimes you have it, sometimes you don’t
watch “sunscreen” on youtube