To feel like a right loser- anyone else?

I earn a lot less than many mentioned here, i have booked a caravan at the edge of the sea in my favourite place in the summer , i will be as happy as a pig in muck.
If i ever hit the big time i may even buy a caravan in my favourite place, i don't give a shiny shite what anyone thinks and furthermore i wouldn't even want to be in the company of people who would sneer at my choices.
Also i bet some of your colleagues are up to their eyes in debt from trying to keep up with their sneery friends , i'm not.

A PP way upthread mentioned MH and I do think that's a good lens to look at this through. You sound so down. And tbh my MH would be in the toilet working with that lot day in day out!! They sound like such an odd bunch! Sorry if I've misunderstood your comment about the plaza but is this sneering something you've been subjected to since childhood? Who side eyed you for staying at a chain hotel?

You sound like you're doing doing amazingly well in life to me FWIW

My husband and I are both professionals earning over £100k. While this is successful in one metric, of my social group the couple who have the nicest lifestyle (imo) actually earn the least.

They live in a small but beautiful old cottage overlooking a valley, they were able to buy relatively cheaply a few years ago and do up themselves, and with an inheritance are now mortgage free.

They are both writers and have total time flexibility. They have one child who goes to an excellent village state school a short walk from their home. Because of their work life they have never needed to pay for child care, can share one older second hand car and both work from home. They buy all their clothes and furniture on eBay /charity shops / vinted. Their outgoings are tiny.

They love their garden, grow a lot of their own food, cycle, walk their dog and enjoy camping holidays and European breaks, and are always creating lovely craft projects. Because they take pleasure from the simple things in life they don't actually need to earn very much to have a lovely lifestyle.

My husband and I earn well but are time poor. This means we sometimes eat out as too tired to cook, have spent a fortune in child care costs when our children were younger and bought new for the convenience when we could have saved money if we had the time to search for good secondhand. We have a bigger house and we have new cars each but I sometimes wonder who is truly the "richer" in overall terms.

A long rambling post but my point is income is only one measure of true wealth. Having minimal stress, low outgoings / no debt, quality time as a family, and control over your own time is something I would value more as I am getting older.

This is much more prevalent than I had thought, simply as I don’t do this.

there are always threads on this, in recent days someone feeling they should get slim and strong as women on weight loss injections, someone else feeling embarassed as they don’t have much money following a thread on nice things people buy, I see repeated threads on how do they afford their house, the things in their house, their cars their life styles, jealousy is a really big issue for people.

i read and commented on the thread you are refering to, I was disgusted by it, there is a tone of gloating and wanting to show off about it, when she doesn’t earn the money, and her claiming she’s worked hard to have that sort of income. It is really distasteful,

Why do you think that you should be doing better then? What makes you different to the Mother who'll be cleaning the hospital that you will be in? What makes you better than the Midwife, who you earn more than? You must think that something sets you apart from those that earning less.

Poor you OP. Sounds awful

I’m on minimum wage and have never felt like a loser.

We have a high joint income (though do live in London so a mortgage on an 3 bed terrace eats a lot of that up). I drive a used Skoda, DS goes to state school, we go to the Canaries on holiday as well as caravan closer to home and we definitely do not wear designer.

I'm probably being snobby but quite honestly your colleagues are the losers. If you think a range rover, the Maldives, a designer handbag and sneering at those who do life differently (for whatever reason) makes you classy then classy is something you most definitely are not.

I feel very rich as I have a wonderful family who make me happy, amazing friends and a busy and fun life. Our holidays are cheap and cheerful- aren’t we lucky to have them!
Try to value other things than possessions- like friendship, security, partnership. Then you will feel the wealthiest of all!

I’m sorry you feel that way, but with children, you should aim to reframe your feeling of inadequacy/feeling like a loser. What do you want your children to value growing up? Where do you want them to derive their confidence from? How do you want them to view other people who have more or less? Do you want them to chase “looking rich” or building actual wealth?

We are both in finance, earn probably around 3x your household. Your colleagues would definitely sneer at us with our packed lunches, not extravagant holidays, cycling to work, and simple, “uniform” clothes. Your colleagues would never know that we have kids in private school, are mortgage free and are work optional.

Our kids know what our values are and it has nothing to do with our net worth. So much more to life that just displaying stuff you can buy. You would be surprised at how many people on large salaries live paycheck to paycheck.

Its all context isn’t it. Our household income is about 85k a year, both public sector workers. I’m as senior as i’m going i don’t want band 8- matron/management and DH is as senior in his role for the same reason. So little scope for increase in income.

Mid 30’s - feel comfortable. X3 DC youngest now at full time school. We manage x2 abroad holidays (usually AI 4/5star or a cruise) a year plus camping/ uk getaways inbetween. We have decent cars, nice clothes although not designer. And in all all lifes ok.

Totally how you frame it. Theres plenty who earn more than me/us, and if i wanted more stress, toxicity and burnout i could progress higher- but i couldn’t think of anything worse.

Alot who do earn more normally don’t see any benefit as it pays for a bigger/better house, bigger car, fancier holidays, or a chanel handbag. Or they’re working every hour god sends and don’t see their family. Its all priorities isn’t it.

DH career 60 years ago we'd have a really lavish lifestyle - 30 years earlier then we started out we'd still have a big house - we have nice ex council house - younger collgeues often don't have house bought.

It's a mix of pay not keeping up, house prices going through the roof and terms and condition of career laddder changing - only really upper rungs are really good these days. Private school also gone way of housing much less accessible every year due to rising costs - most savy now cherry pick the outstanding state schools and pay more for housing.

Younger you are the harder it is to get the weath trappings. You must know you are in a really good place compared to most people on here and in wider UK.

Apparent the rich in US feel poor because they are comparing themsleves to the ultra rich - meanwhile middle class are disappearing and poor and in serious trouble.

Ultimatley finding a new job with less tone deaf collegues would be best - but till then think of them as out of touch.

I think you have got a lot of issues related to money and identity/status that you should explore.

How much will make you happy? And whatever that number is… if you get there….
IF… then you’ll still be discontent.

You sound like you can’t afford to give your kids the same lifestyle you had. A lifestyle that was more privileged than most… but because there were kids with more, you thought of it as poor. Now you can’t replicate that ‘poor’ lifestyle, you’re feeling like a loser inspite of a good salary and £30k in the bank.

Either figure out how to triple your earnings… or get some therapy to find self worth in something other than money.

You might be in the wrong field.

You write a thread stating that you feel like a loser for having a household income of £130k yet the majority of people reading this will earn much much less. I'm not really sure what the purpose of this thread this and I can only see it as a way of making other people feel like shit or like 'losers'. You have massively lost touch and could do with some therapy.

Why is income so closely linked to being a loser for you? If someone sneers at a caravan holiday then they need to check themselves. I’d tell them to their face that they’re a materialistic snob who needs to learn some respect.

also the canaries is hardly the cote d’zur?!!! I think perhaps you need to just hang out with normal people.

You have a weird definition of "middle."

Last time I checked, national average was about £39k.

If you don't see why there's a substantial difference between £39k and £60k, then I take it you aren't mathematically minded, right? Which makes me question how you got up to £60k in the first place.

DH and I both work in healthcare, we have never been Mumsnet style high earners, but we do have fulfilling careers, a nice house, regular European holidays, healthy and happy children and a good quality of life. I would rather have all of this than designer clothes, top of the range cars and endless exotic travel.

The one upmanship and boastful comments on here can be tiring to read.