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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I right to be suspicious of my male flatmate wishing me a happy International Women’s Day?

167 replies

YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 10:08

My male flatmate wished me a happy International Women’s Day. I reacted with suspicion as to why he even knows that this exists, and that he might have ulterior motives for wanting to practice being “sensitive and thoughtful” to women. He thinks it is a good thing and that he’s “progressive”. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheDaysAreGettingLongerAtLast · 08/03/2026 12:13

YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 10:08

My male flatmate wished me a happy International Women’s Day. I reacted with suspicion as to why he even knows that this exists, and that he might have ulterior motives for wanting to practice being “sensitive and thoughtful” to women. He thinks it is a good thing and that he’s “progressive”. AIBU?

Why do you have a male flatmate?
I wouldn't dream of sharing a flat with a member of the opposite sex unless I was in a relationship with him.

mondaytosunday · 08/03/2026 12:12

I assume you are joking. How can you possibly be offended.

Gymnopedie · 08/03/2026 12:07

How the conversation should have gone -

Flatmate: 'Happy International Women's Day'
OP: Thank you

What happened -

Flatmate: 'Happy International Women's Day'
OP (thinks to herself): 'Why is he being such a creep? He doesn't mean it. There's something suspicious here. He's a MAN. Challenge him on his motives. Be careful here, you don't know what's going on. Are you in danger? Oh yes, and better start a thread on MN too.'

OP your misandry drips through every post. And if you think there was anything humourous about either your reactionto him or your thread I can only say don't give up the day job.

Dollymylove · 08/03/2026 11:59

I do feel sorry for men at times. They try to do something nice and they are STILL in the wrong!!

DormantVolcano · 08/03/2026 11:51

EBearhug · 08/03/2026 11:49

The origins of IWD are over 100 years old, and it came out of socialist/workers' movements, which is why it's always been big in countries with a communist history, i.e. much of Eastern Europe. (Though it first started in the USA.)

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It's also quite big in at least some arab countries

LeftieRightsHoarder · 08/03/2026 11:51

OP, should you be living with someone you clearly dislike, and suspect of bad intentions? I'm surprised he answered you so politely!

EBearhug · 08/03/2026 11:49

LittleBearPad · 08/03/2026 11:46

You do know IWD is a massive deal in Eastern Europe.

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The origins of IWD are over 100 years old, and it came out of socialist/workers' movements, which is why it's always been big in countries with a communist history, i.e. much of Eastern Europe. (Though it first started in the USA.)

LittleBearPad · 08/03/2026 11:46

YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 11:17

Mostly yes (and I was originally winding up my flatmate)

the Polish guys buying all their female colleagues flowers and chocolates are all 100% cheating on their wives though.

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You do know IWD is a massive deal in Eastern Europe.

Original poster
YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 11:45

EBearhug · 08/03/2026 11:35

If he works for a big corporate (especially with a rubbish gender split) he will probably have found it difficult to avoid IWD.

I like to wish my male colleagues Happy International Men's Day in November. It really confuses them. 😁

Ha, that’s the cynical eye I’m after.

he does work for a big corporate (as does his girlfriend who is apparently organising some IWD events) and I don’t, so he gets a pass on the question of why he’s even aware of it

OP posts:
Beachtastic · 08/03/2026 11:43

YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 11:17

Mostly yes (and I was originally winding up my flatmate)

the Polish guys buying all their female colleagues flowers and chocolates are all 100% cheating on their wives though.

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Good Eastern European men treat their women with more respect than seems to be the norm in the UK. I should know, I married one! He wished me a happy Women's Day this morning and added "I guess I'll be the one cooking tonight" which made us both laugh because he always does the cooking.

PMA1981 · 08/03/2026 11:42

Surely this is a wind up?

Natsku · 08/03/2026 11:38

AtIusvue · 08/03/2026 10:25

Its creepy.

How many posters have woken up this morning, to be wished ‘a happy international women’s day’ by the men folk in their lives???………thought so

I woke up to a message in my work's whatsapp group wishing a happy international women's day to all the women.
On international men's day the women wished a happy day to the men too.

shuggles · 08/03/2026 11:37

YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 11:26

Yup and they’re often very into “ethical non monogamy” aren’t they. Bet Lily Allen’s husband seduced her with his thoughtful takes on feminism

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Yes. They love non-monogamy because it caters to men's desires. The fact that women don't enjoy it so much... who cares?

Although then of course, they will argue that the reason why you don't enjoy non-monogamy is because you have been brainwashed by "the patriarchy" and princess stories. As though there is something defective in you that they can fix.

Westfacing · 08/03/2026 11:35

Femalemachinest · 08/03/2026 10:59

Erm... I can say I also worked with some dicks 😂

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😄

EBearhug · 08/03/2026 11:35

If he works for a big corporate (especially with a rubbish gender split) he will probably have found it difficult to avoid IWD.

I like to wish my male colleagues Happy International Men's Day in November. It really confuses them. 😁

EwwPeople · 08/03/2026 11:30

YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 11:17

Mostly yes (and I was originally winding up my flatmate)

the Polish guys buying all their female colleagues flowers and chocolates are all 100% cheating on their wives though.

Show quote history

Or… they grew up being told that’s what you do. They did it for teachers, their mums, female relatives on the day etc. because that’s what you do. They saw their dads doing it. They kept the custom.

Mindblowing, I know.

Trusttheawesomeness · 08/03/2026 11:30

Mumsnet is known as a man hating forum and men can literally do nothing right. Luckily there are a lot of us with very good men in our lives so we don’t see suspicious behaviour everywhere we look.

newmenewwhatever · 08/03/2026 11:29

Sending you good thoughts op
i feel you must be in a bad place to be so worked up by nothing.
hope you seek the help you need

Original poster
YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 11:26

shuggles · 08/03/2026 11:21

@YourUmberNewt Yes, you're right to be suspicious. It's common knowledge that "feminist" and "progressive" men with soft, effeminate voices are the most creepy and untrustworthy of all men.

And yes, it's generally something that men do as a fashion thing. Like "hey look how cool I am, I am a sensitive progressive man." Women would do best to have friendships with men who are sincere and authentic.

Yup and they’re often very into “ethical non monogamy” aren’t they. Bet Lily Allen’s husband seduced her with his thoughtful takes on feminism

OP posts:
Relaxd · 08/03/2026 11:24

Of course not, stop looking into everything looking for drama

Trusttheawesomeness · 08/03/2026 11:23

My boyfriend said it in his good morning text to me. What’s suspicious about it?

We want men to join in with feminism and be on our side, but then you make batshit posts like this when they do. What’s wrong with you?

SpiritAdder · 08/03/2026 11:22

AtIusvue · 08/03/2026 10:25

Its creepy.

How many posters have woken up this morning, to be wished ‘a happy international women’s day’ by the men folk in their lives???………thought so

My husband and children did. The children that are also women, I wished the same to them as well.
He also announced that he doing all the washing up and cooking today and to put my feet up. (As a joke because he usually pulls his weight anyway)
That’s why I’m lounging in bed on mumsnet taking the entire day to myself when I am perfectly well and have tons of shit to do, but it’s my day so I’m going to do absolutely nothing useful and enjoy every second on it.

shuggles · 08/03/2026 11:21

@YourUmberNewt Yes, you're right to be suspicious. It's common knowledge that "feminist" and "progressive" men with soft, effeminate voices are the most creepy and untrustworthy of all men.

And yes, it's generally something that men do as a fashion thing. Like "hey look how cool I am, I am a sensitive progressive man." Women would do best to have friendships with men who are sincere and authentic.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 08/03/2026 11:20

Welcome to Mumsnet OP.
Fascinating first post.🙄

ThatCyanCat · 08/03/2026 11:17

YourUmberNewt · 08/03/2026 10:46

Greatly amused by the responses.

i don’t think my flatmate is misogynistic, i was just winding him up really. He’s quite sweet.

For me, the wider point is side-eyeing men who make a big show of being “progressive” and “empathising with women” - they are often more secretly misogynistic than men drinking 10 pints with the lads at football (but some having integrity around women)

"Ha ha, you all fell for my evil genius plot! This was actually a masterminded joke that I didn't mean and which landed exactly the way I intended! I am playing you all for my amusement as I twirl my moustache! Mwa ha ha haaaaa!"

Really, OP?

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