Gifts that you would never use or want

Honesty is your friend here. Come Christmas and birthdays just say, look we all have too much stuff, let’s go for a really nice meal to celebrate together/ theatre/ day trip/ whatever floats your boat.

My DS is forever buying inconvenient-to use vouchers. A cooking lesson miles away, a salon voucher half an hour away instead of where I actually live.. I’m resolved to say something next ‘occasion’ and put a stop to it.

Give them to a charity shop. Don't stockpile.

I run regularly including in the dark during the winter months. I've already got a cross body strap with a headlight on the front and a red light on the back so I can be seen. The front light is angled down so it lights up the path in front of my feet, so I don't end up treading in dog poo or tripping over something. I never wear a hat when running as I get too hot with one on, even when it's bitterly cold!

Every Christmas, I get at least one woolly hat with a built in torch to wear while running. These are pointless as I overheat with a hat on, and the torch tends to point upwards rather than pointing towards the ground.

I just say thank you and donate it elsewhere afterwards, but it does grate on me!

Agree with everyone saying that that actually most people, including those who say they are good gift givers, actually really aren't.

Most adults can afford to buy themselves stuff as and when they want - and if there are things they can't afford a friend is unlikely to spend that much money on them! So it makes sense that actually a lot of presents are at best extraneous and at worst actively unwanted.

The easiest way to stop getting gifts is to stop giving them. So maybe just say (before your birthday is a great time because then you won't "owe" anyone a return gift)"I'm really trying to have a clear out and cut down on stuff/money is a bit tight at the moment" would it be okay if we didn't do gift for birthdays from now on?"

It sounds as though you meet up with friends and family to celebrate your birthday at some point (in order for them to give you the presents) so why not try and make a tradition of everyone paying for the birthday person's meal/activity if they want to buy something?

All these little tellings off for the op...

Op I feel your pain. I'm allergic to scents and soaps due to eczema etc and if people have been in the family more than three years they should bloody know that!!!

It's really annoying.
I have actively said to people that 'I really love a voucher' cos I don't see it as lazy I see it as a gift I can use.

Get lost all you preachy people!! You don't get presents given to you every year from people who can't be arsed to find out the barest bit of detail about you!

I feel your pain! I am a very plain, non fussy, minimalist who loves gardening and outdoors pursuits- my house is considered 'spare' as I really dont have ornaments around (do have shelves and baskets of books, artwork on the walls, , fresh flowers) I have very plain stone planters in the garden. My friends and family can see this when they visit.
I would love to receive plants, vouchers for tools etc, but never do. Instead they spend generously on ornaments for both house and garden. I donate what I can to out of town charity shops, but I have a shed full of personalised garish and twee plaques, garden ornaments and planters that I'm at a loss as to what to do with them. I feel ungrateful but I really cannot bear to look at them.

Some of them ive kept in case they mention they haven't seen them and I would probs say I have not had time to find a spot for them somewhere yet or use them yet

but this thinking perpetuates the problem. Get rid and if they ask, say “to be honest, it’s not really our thing /style / colour.

How about suggesting that adults don’t exchange presents, or say a card and flowers would be fine as you know it’s difficult. Or at least find a way to dial this down

I agree.

Gifts aren't supposed to be something you want or need, although its lovely if they are! They are just a symbol that someone thought about you. If you don't like a gift you can resell or donate it and know it will find a home where it is loved.

In my experience that doesn’t work either. Especially if you will be with those people during the Christmas period, it feels awkward for them sitting around opening gifts while the OP is sat there with nothing. Especially if the OP is buying gifts for others.

I thought about saying I dont want gifts this year and instead if you could donate to charity that would make me happy but not sure that will land well as that feels like im telling them what to do with their money

Then tell them you don't want gifts, full stop. Only if they then protest, e.g, 'but surely there's something you'd like' do you need to offer the charity suggestion.

for people who love gift giving and think they are great it, asking them to donate to a charity of your choice is just never going to work. They want to give you something tangible you can open and they get to share that experience with you.

If you want to direct them it would be better to ask for consumables (wine, fancy chocolate etc) or develop a keen interest in a specific thing so people can buy you new variations of that. Eg a family member of mine loves jigsaws, so she gets one every birthday and Christmas. Another friend loves Sudoku and puzzle books - easy gift. And another friend loves all things plant related and has said they want to build up a home library for plant books - great! That gives literally hundreds of options for gifts with new books released every year. See if you can come up with something like that and drop hints in conversation.

I do sympathise with you OP but also want to say that your gifts might not land as well as you think…. My mother thinks similarly to you, that she puts a lot of time and effort into gift giving. She does, but she gets it right with gifts for me about 1 time in 10. I can’t really tell her that though, because the few times I’ve tried it didn’t go down well!

I use a wishlist to try and reduce this problem - so just send out a message saying “a few people have asked what I might like for Christmas this year, so here are some suggestions but obviously no obligation to buy from this (or at all!), hope to see you soon etc”

I can totally understand your thinking, I’m very much the same BUT people are doing it out of love and kindness, so I think you should put on a lovely happy face and accept them with good grace.

Some people sadly don’t get anything.

this

Anyone who is helpful enough to tell me exactly what they want is massively appreciated.

I agree.

I spend a lot of thought and time choosing good gifts for others and it does feel like I don’t get a smidgen of thought in return which can feel hurtful.

I think it is quite narcissistic to asume that people know you well enough to buy you "thoughtful" gifts. I don't know most people well enough to do that other than DH and my sister. I know what DD likes but she has so much "stuff", and as she is a student it is just more stuff to take and fetch back from wherever she is living.

Rather than direct people to buy stuff you want, tell them you’d rather they make a donation to a charity of your choice instead. And empty your spare room of unworn clothing and unwanted ornaments!!!

Maybe time to stop buying gifts for each other?

A friend gave me a voucher for afternoon tea, and that's something that I just don't do. However, we had coffee together there once, so I could see her thinking. In that respect it was actually a kind and thoughtful gift.

Gifts I would never want is gifts full stop. Gifts I would never use is pretty much anything other than book tokens.

I'm shit at buying gifts and even shitter at receiving them.

Anyone who is helpful enough to tell me exactly what they want is massively appreciated.

Yep, dont stockpile unwanted gifts - donate.

I think it's fine to steer people towards presents you would like (especially family and close friends). "If you're stuck for ideas, I would really like xyz."

I always say how much I love book tokens or theatre tokens in hopes of getting them.

Yes, I would agree.

I tend to think that anyone who believes that they themselves give thoughtful, considered gifts is often wide of the mark.

Perhaps they think the same about the gifts you give.