Gifts that you would never use or want

My son brought my round some lovely drill bits for Mother's day! Whoop!

That's great for you but a) i don't like tumble dried clothing and b) I don't like my gifts being because they would make my life easier because i'm female and that reduces me to housework. Funnily enough my husband still got his money that year.

I'm with you OP. In fact you're taking it better than I do. For me it's not just inconvenient or awkward, it's actively demoralising to realise that people who are supposedly close to me apparently have little idea what kinds of things I like. We all have eyes and ears. I'm trying to take it less personally but it's difficult when it's family or close friends.

This is why I do not do gifts with anyone except dh and adult dd.
Not birthdays or Xmas, not even a token gift.
Dh and I are both excellent gift buyers for each other and dd knows exactly what we like...theatre/ gig tickets, Everyman membership, subscriptions.

I absolutely agree, I would have loved someone to give me a tumble dryer! However, we're all different.

I think practical gifts are the best ones. A tumble dryer would be brilliant because it's effectively giving me back a couple a hundred quid to spend on something I actually want and can get for myself without feeling guilty because I need that money for the household item.

IME "carefully chosen" gifts are the worst. I appreciate the effort, but they're rarely a hit.

Very occasionally someone will get it spot on, but usually theyre something I'll never use, but harder to pass on. I much prefer a generic gift that I can either use or donate as a raffle prize.

Well, I have a very unusual name, so that would be a bit wild if those items would be appropriate! I have unusual mixed heritage, and haven't come across anyone else with my name - but here's a coincidence - once, when I was on holiday in Cornwall, I went into a gift shop and saw an item with my name on it! I thought that was incredible.

Mutually agree to stop the pointless gifting, you'll probably find everyone breaths a sigh of relief.

@RampantIvy narcissistic to think that partners and friends of 10, 20 years who spend plenty of time in my candleless minimalist home might stop to think perhaps I don’t actually want a generic candle or random dolphin ornament? Ok then.

OP I have tried many times to tell people I don’t need a gift, or would prefer they save or donate the money, but people will still just buy. I don’t know why! I love so many simple things inc chocolate, wine, gin, reading etc so it doesn’t take much extra thought for something I’d definitely like but hey ho. Like @Capillaryactionsays, it makes you feel like they don’t even bother to try and know you. I buy gifts that I’ve either heard people say they’d like or something that suits their tastes, or something I know they enjoy eating or drinking, or take them out to somewhere they like. I think it’s just being thoughtful to do my best to suit gifts to recipients. Some people think that as long as they’ve bought something it’s all good, thought that counts etc. And that’s fine, we are all different. Probably can’t do much to change it.

My in-laws once told me they were getting me a tumble dryer for christmas because it would make my life so much easier. That was very firmly and politely declined but there did continue a pattern for a few years where my DH was given money to buy something for himself or a bottle of his favourite spirit and I was given something "for the house".

Donate or sell all the unwanted gifts - life’s too short, and if you have told people multiple times and they still give you things you don’t want or like, then I think you’re perfectly okay to pass them on.

Keep trying to tell people you don’t want a gift, or only to buy consumables, or tell them exactly what you would like, and maybe some will start to get it. Until they do, just keep donating and telling them. If they aren’t listening, they can’t really be surprised if you don’t keep the unwanted gifts!

I actually do.....

As I said, I donate what I can to charity shops, (ie anything that has not been personalised) but I doubt anyone wants the items that have been engraved with my nickname and sometimes mine and my partner's names 😖you are welcome to them if you want them 😀

@RampantIvyyes. I try to do the same. My ex was very generous, but the gifts he bought me, just highlighted how little he actually knew me.

While I don't pretend to be good at present buying, I'm good at remembering things that people dislike - wine, toiletries, foods for example.

Wine. Can’t stand it.

I have a large box of unwanted, unused gifts in my sitting room that's about to go on ebay. I've been giving them house-space for years and it's pointless. I wish I'd got over the guilt years ago and just done it (when they would have been worth a bit more). The money will be split between my mad-money account, and DC's university savings pot. There's no point getting upset that the relative I see once a year doesn't know I already have a blender, and got me one. From their perspective, it was quite a thoughtful gift for someone who likes to cook.

I’ve just remembered a useful white lie I tell to stop people getting me stuff.
I really dislike flowers indoors or indeed houseplants so I have given it out that I am allergic.
This also works with scented candles which I can’t stand too.

I've often suggested (and received) charity donations in my name. I'd much rather that than get something I don't want and end up giving away - that's just work for me, and there is too much stuff in the world.

Alternatively, I like experiences - meals, theatre etc.

It took me a long time to convince my mother to stop buying me plain clothes as gifts. Her logic was that I needed them, as I already had loads of printed clothes. She just couldn’t get that I had a lot of them because that’s what I like, and that I could easily buy plain clothes myself if I wanted them.

Maybe your friends and family are all thinking “Ooh, maybe Oldmamabear could do with an ornament; she doesn’t seem to have many” 😁

I hear you op.
I don't get that many gifts so I feel conflicted on this. The right gifts id bloody love like a book voucher 😍 or seeds/bulbs. Id honestly prefer a 25p seed packet than i would a £5 gift i cant use.

The gifts I do get are along the lines of boots 3 for 2 at Christmas. I can't use anything like that as I have eczema. This is well known. I also don't drink and get alcohol.

I've just accepted that every year after Christmas we will donate to charity. It's an extra job and I'd rather be without it but it is what it is. The conversations of let's not do gifts don't work and are just awkward. I'm pretty sure my inlaws think I'm mean because I've stopped doing gifts for adults apart from something foodie for fil and mil. But it was costing over 100 for bits and bobs no one really wants I'd much rather keep that so we can enjoy Christmas as a young family with only one income with a little less financial stress. I'd much rather they saved that for their children too.

I agree with you about unwanted gifts but I think the only polite way to deal with it is to have a no gift policy, or ask for charity donations.
For people you know well enough you could ask for gift vouchers for a specific shop - say you’re saving to buy something big so will put all vouchers towards it

I don't think it is narcissistic. It depends on how well someone should know you.

I have been wearing the same perfume for 20+ years and I like red wine. I also have a wish list on Amazon.

I've actually told my brother to stop buying gifts for me.

I used to love doing arts and crafts but I am now disabled so I can't do them any more, my disability also stops me reading heavy books, I use a kindle or for cookery books they are put on a flat surface like a table.

So over the years my brother has sent me (often from Amazon) books that are too heavy for me to hold to red and not suitable to put on a flat surface, that I have returned and re bought for my kindle.

Various craft kits.

Fimo and Fimo tools.

Adult colouring book and pencils.

A Ukulele!

I don't think I'm a narcissist for expecting my brother to remember I'm disabled.

I agree that people who think they are thoughtful gift buyers, often are not. Especially when it comes to buying someone a gift that links to their hobby, as it’s likely they have their own stuff anyway, stuff they’ve chosen, like @YorkshirePuddingsGreatestFan says in their post. Similarly, I love candle making. In the past people have bought me wax to use (which, not to sound ungrateful but that doesn’t feel like a special gift, as I buy it myself all the time, and have a particular brand I like using), or different oils to use, but half the time they aren’t scents I would pick. Someone once bought me labels for the candles and I really didn’t like the design. I thought each and every one of these gifts was thoughtful and sweet, but just not what I wanted.