To be a bit heartbroken about having a small wedding?

YABU small weddings are the best . I hate huge wedding so impersonal and boring , being forced to make small talk with people you barely know etc. small weddings are much nicer in my opinion.

I put YANBU because it isnt the day you want. I had a comparatively big wedding and I wish I'd had a smaller more intimate one. We had people there I wasn't bothered by but my parents insisted we invite them, and many of them I haven't seen since. It's one of the only things Id change about our day, but it would make a massive difference.

Make sure you invite people that are important to you, and if you do want to build bridges then a wedding is the perfect time to do that!

Your post is confusing and contradictory!

I've been married twice. The first at 22 where I had a big wedding and it cost a lot of money, my second at 29 where we had eight guests and eloped to Gretna Green. The latter was the most wonderful I could have ever, ever asked for and I loved it so so much. I know you're a bit sad but really it's only about you and your SO and I think that's what you need to keep in mind. I would also fully recommend Gretna Green!

Quality over quantity OP. Make it the best you can and have a fantastic time.

I had a big wedding and invited people I didn’t want to, because I’d been to their weddings, or because they were related. It was too big and I spent the whole day going around speaking to relatives. I never even got one bite from the evening buffet. It was money better spent elsewhere.
If I had my time again I’d have a small wedding, very casual.

Unclear whether your regret is truly about (a) having a small family or (b) having a small wedding

If (a), you could try to gradually reconnect with aunts and uncles and cousins to increase the size of your family. This takes effort and commitment but can be done

if (b), invite more friends

Why aren't you inviting friends? Surely they are happy for you and would love to be involved? My friends are the people I'd invite first in your situation.

Well you do have family, it's just that you dont bother with each other irl. It does seem a bit weird that you are getting upset about them not coming to your wedding when you a) haven't invited them and b) dont really want them there anyway.

Is this really about your wedding, or are you just wishing things were different with your family?

I have some friends however we would really just want to invite family to the wedding.

I voted you are being unreasonable!

You can't be really upset that you're having only a small wedding when it's of your own doing. If you have a small family, and not much in contact with them anyway apart from your Mum, and you don't want to invite friends, the wedding group will be small. You can't magic-up a big family!

But you do have family, apart from your Dad you could have more contact if you wanted too

My fiancé and I are choosing to have a tiny wedding- well, not a wedding really. Just a ceremony and small celebration at home for just about 10 people. The fuss of a big wedding is not for us. We are getting married in two weeks and I wouldn’t change a thing. We also have small children and our priorities are just different now- keeping the routine going and minimising stress. You can still make it the best day of your life!

If there is no fall out, why are you not including your brother? My autistic brother was invited, yes he sometimes says the wrong thing, and yes we're not close, but I still wanted him there. He is very much part of my family.

Please don’t be sad. Try to reframe it in your head if you can (easier said than done I know).

The wedding isn’t the big deal here. It is just a few hours out of your life. There is way too much focus on The Wedding. We are all conditioned (particularly women) to dream of the beautiful church, dress and crowds of happy beautiful people all celebrating. It is NOT IMPORTANT.

Try to focus on the meaning of the marriage; you are formally starting a new family, with the man you love and your beautiful child. The day doesn’t matter, except to the two of you.

DH and I were railroaded into a big, traditional wedding - too young to really stand up for ourselves. We are both quiet, private people and we both found the big day excruciating; way too much attention on us for hours, we kept sneaking off to hide together just to get a break. I regret not doing what we wanted, which would have been just a small intimate wedding for the smallest number of people possible (family only), and then having a casual party in a pub months later for a few hours to celebrate with friends.

Agree with the other posters; small is magical, intimate and personal which is what weddings should be.

Yes, me too. I don’t quite follow what the problem is. If you want loads of people there then invite the extended family and more friends.

I suggest that you have a think about what it really is that’s upsetting you.

Many people aren’t close to their extended family. Many people feel under pressure to invite people they don’t really want to attend.

I think a small wedding can be just as lovely as a big wedding - it's more intimate and you actually get to spend time with and chat to all your guests! I would invite your aunties and uncles and cousins even if you don't see them often - weddings are a joyful occasion and a good chance to catch up. And why not invite your friends? They would probably love the opportunity to celebrate with you.

I had the opposite problem OP. I have a massive family and really didnt want an enormous showy wedding where I would be the centre of attention. We tried cutting guest list to 'just close family (ie parents, siblings, grandparents) and friends' but because my DH has a totally normal size family, it skewed the guest list about 80/20 my way. I floated the idea of eloping with my mum and it did not go down well! We ended up with the 100+ guest list I never wanted. Though I have had several people say it was one of the most magical weddings they have ever been to, my memories are of feeling like an anxious, overwhelmed zoo exhibit. My marriage is a 1000 times better than my wedding to me. Please just focus on your (I assume) lovely DH and your little one. They are the only people you need. Think about what makes your little family precious to you and prioritise that in your special day.

I only had my children at my wedding so it was truly tiny, 6 of us including me and DH and it honestly was the best decision ever. It was relaxing and fun with zero stress. When we told people about our tiny wedding those who had big weddings said they wished they had done smaller ones as big weddings are a lot of work

I had a big wedding and had a great time buy trust me, I wish it’d been smaller - just immediate family, at most. It cost a fortune and the money could’ve been more constructively spent on other things. We had a photographer but aside from the 2-3 we’ve framed and put up, I haven’t looked at the others in the decade since. It was mainly nice to see friends who I don’t see as often as I’d like.

Ours is going to be just 20 guests, with only two family members not including the two bridesmaids who are each of our daughters, the rest are friends.

I don’t understand - you could invite friends and extended family but you only want your mum there but you’re sad you will only have your mum there?
I think you should just invite more people - especially friends

My late DH and I had a small wedding, by choice. It was lovely - we just wanted to be wed, and didn’t feel the need to have a showy day. 👍

Why would you not want to invite friends to the wedding? Friends were some of the most important guests at our wedding. And if I got married again that would still be the case.

We had about 50 people, so not huge. But looking back sometimes I wish we had done something smaller! Some of the guests we invited because we felt we "should" - mainly family on DHs side who to date we haven't seen since (except for at a funeral).

Invite the people you love and enjoy your wedding surrounded by people who are important to you. However many that may be.

Understand that you feel sad. But a big family doesn't mean happiness.

I've been to 3 weddings where guests were immediate family and a handful of friends and all were absolutely beautiful, all were abroad.

I had the big wedding, hated every minute of it. My ex wanted the big fancy wedding (he was a show off, it wasn't his money he was spending either), I would have been happy with the registry office and pub.