To be a bit heartbroken about having a small wedding?

We got married nearly 26 years ago.
Our preferred choice was an exotic destination with just the 2 of us or possibly my step-son (first marriage for me, second for DH). My mother would have been up for the exotic destination, but it certainly would not have been a massive destination wedding!
The moment my father got wind of this he moved heaven and earth to enable a church wedding - tricky due to divorce - as he wanted to walk me down the aisle. This was the most sentimental he had ever been and difficult to reconcile as he had performed the same for his cousin and my younger sister, so it wasn't going to be a first for him.
However, it was clearly VERY important for him (not that he was paying as I was 41 at the time), so I project managed a wedding in Scotland from Europe in 7.5 weeks. Luckily I am an excellent PM! We came in on time and under budget!!!
Full works, excellent music and food, both of which I chose, 3 bridesmaids with bespoke dresses (I delegated this to my matron of honour), etc. etc. In total there were 32 at the wedding.
I, therefore, did not get a honeymoon. Still, if it made my father happy?
If I were ever to do it again, both parents now dead, it would be a quick trip to the register office and maybe a delicious lunch, but with a party of 6 maximum.

YANBU, but we had a wedding of 16 people and it was lovely; a really special day. But don’t go small if you’ll regret it - invite your friends.

Your friends are extra family and think having a small wedding can spend more on Honeymoon

Why say you really only want family if you then list how you aren’t at all close with any family other than your mum? Why put that illogical restriction on yourself? Invite your friends!

We had a smallish wedding as most of my DH’s family had already passed away. We had about 40 people in total including friends and about 10 of my family. It was really lovely. I’m glad we went small.

I think Yabu to restrict artificially to family when you have friends

friends choose you, family is foisted upon you

I invited everyone to the ceremony and had a huge party in the evening for anyone who wanted to wish us well. We had close family and friends for the formal meal and only twenty guests of family and a few friends. It saved us money and it meant we could invite lots of friends who wanted to see us get married and then attend a party where you could bring your own drink in the evening.

You could have a small meal with family (and a small ceremony if you need it) then invite people for a party.

And don't feel bad if you don't have a load of people to invite. Quality of friends is more important than quantity.

And do invite your brother. Sometimes people with ASD get missed out of things because people think they don't care or wouldn't enjoy it. Your brother may not wish to come but it will mean a lot to him to be invited. Perhaps he could just attend the ceremony.

To many people the marriage is more important than the ceremony.

My sister had a tiny wedding. Parents and close friends only. It was lovely. Like a PP, ibe never understood inviting people you don’t actually know in the form of a +1.

A Wedding is a Marriage Contract between two people with witnesses. Anything more is up to the couple. Have what you both want, can afford and be happy. That is all that really matters.

I am also puzzled as to why you wouldn't invite your brother (at the very least) but also your Aunts and Uncles and cousins if you don't want a small wedding.

I mean, small weddings can be lovely.
When I saw the title to your thread, I assumed you wanted a bigger wedding but couldn't afford it, or justify spending the £££ that would cost, and was going to say YANBU. But, reading the OP, you are actually saying you have very few people you are close to. That being the case, then I think YABU to be "heartbroken" about the fact the wedding won't be bigger.

Many (most?) people want to share their wedding day with the people close to them. For plenty of people that will include family and extended family and then most people will also invite friends. Friends being the people you choose to spend parts of your lives with. If you choose to not see people you are related to very often, and choose not to develop friendships, then I am puzzled why you would be 'heartbroken' to then not have people to invite you your wedding.

Unless you’re NC, it’s weird to not invite your dad and brother. And what about friends? The only family I had I my wedding was my mum. I don’t have any other living family. My dad died when I was a teenager. I am NC with my half brother and don’t even know where he lives. Don’t have any other family. That’s fine. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Dh and I still invited lots of friends and Dh has a big family. We had 60 people, which is bigger than a small wedding, but honestly, I would have been happy with less too. It’s still a lovely day and nice to celebrate your marriage, no matter who is there.

I had a small wedding (20 people including us) and I don't regret it. I had a lovely day, it didn't cost much and minimal planning was needed so it was stress-free.

I can understand the desire for a big wedding - it must be nice to be the centre of so much attention - but ultimately, it's only ever going to last one day, the bigger it is, the more chance of something going wrong, and big weddings cost an awful lot of money which could be used on things that would last more than one day!

I'm still married 20 years later which is ultimately the most important thing!

I voted YABU, purely because you have a person in your life who loves you so much that they want to marry you and make you their wife.

Weddings are to declare your undying love for one another.

I'm sorry you are upset about the size of your family but I do think you should be inviting your brother at least. That's discrimination. At least invite him to be an usher and give him the opportunity to say yes or no.

I'd love a small intimate joining.
Shame my DP of 16 years (soon to be ex for other reasons) wasn't onboard despite me telling him what getting married means to me.

Seems odd for to be bothered by this when you say you won’t invite friends, there’s no rule it has to be family only, invite as many as you want

It makes no sense that you won’t invite friends, only family, when you don’t seem to have much of a relationship with any of your family except your mother.

DH and I are close to family, and both have enormous families, and still chose to get married with two witnesses.

what about friends? Or is just family?

I get it. But you could invite your bro and dad too. It's a rite of passage, even if you are not that close to them. Or just create a wonderful atmosphere with your close friends.

A small wedding is SO much less stress and cost. I feel sick at the thought of how much a young family member spent on their wedding a couple of years ago, letting all the relatives get sloshed on their hard earned money. They could have put those thousands towards a bigger house. They need one now they have kids.

Pick a pretty venue, gorgeous dress, flowers, music, food and enjoy the day. You'll be so glad not to have wasted thousands on a massive do where you barely get to see anyone.

We were buying a house and we could have invited a crowd or just our small close family so we had a small registry office gathering , a pun meal then a few friends round at our new place for snacks / drinks . We have been married 40 years .Many large weddings you are paying for people you rarely see again. I didn’t want my parents to pay either although I feel because of this they suggested white goods for our new home . Practical and kind.

We had 11 guests at our wedding 50 years ago. I have no regrets. The people we loved were there. Everyone was relaxed. It was a fabulous celebration.

"Blood is definitely not always thicker than water"

Small & intimate = perfect

Congratulations 🎊

Invite friends, but keep it small and easy.

£100,000+ on a wedding? Unless they’re multi-millionaires that’s absolute madness.

I had a small wedding and it was wonderful, so romantic and beautiful. Married 20 years and don’t regret it at all. So pleased I didn’t spend a fortune and weddings are important but the marriage is so much more important.

i did vote YANBU though, as you are definitely not being unreasonable about being sad if it’s because you feel you don’t have people to invite. This is something you can work on though, there’s lots of friends out there you’ve not met yet.

We had a small wedding - around 20 guests - and it was lovely. Several guests commented on how nice and friendly it was, and there was zero stress involved in the planning. I wouldn't have changed a thing.