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AIBU?

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Ex seems to know details from messages he shouldn’t be able to see

33 replies

swanlake02 · 08/03/2026 00:21

Trying to work out if I’m missing something obvious here.

My husband and I have been separated for over a year but are still living together while we sort things out with the house and our child. In reality we live quite separate lives. He makes his own plans and regularly books days out and holidays with our child without discussing it with me or checking if I already had plans.

Recently I’ve been chatting to someone from my past. Nothing serious, just messages and a bit of flirting. However my husband seems to know quite specific things about things I’ve said in messages.

He hasn’t said anything to me directly. Instead he told my friend’s husband, and it’s made its way back to me. Some of the details he apparently knew were quite specific, including things from WhatsApp chats that are locked.

My phone is always with me and those chats are locked with a code he doesn’t know. I genuinely can’t think of any point where he’d have had access to it. I have noticed some odd Instagram logins from devices I didn’t recognise which made me wonder if he’d somehow accessed my account, but I’m not sure that would explain the other details which would only have been on WhatsApp. But would explain some of the details as we started talking again on Instagram.

I’ve checked everything I can think of like iCloud devices and WhatsApp linked devices and nothing obvious has shown up.

I did briefly wonder whether my best friend could somehow be involved, but there were specific things he’d apparently said that she definitely didn’t know about.

So now I’m just confused how he’d know details like that. Am I missing something obvious about how someone could see messages like that?

Also, separate question really, but AIBU for chatting to someone when we’ve been separated for over a year, even though we still live in the same house?

OP posts:
FreshInks · 08/03/2026 00:46

Why start multiple threads on the exact same thing, OP?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/03/2026 00:44

Could he be using a key logger to see what you’re typing?

Realscottishhaggis · 08/03/2026 00:44

I bet he’s linked your iCloud to his iPad or something

AgileCrow · 08/03/2026 00:43

Go into WhatsApp, click on your avatar in the bottom right to get to your settings page, then click on “ linked devices”. If there are any linked devices then disconnect them. My ex used an app to link my WhatsApp to his phone And was able to read my messages without me knowing

Kimura · 08/03/2026 00:41

It's possible that your WhatsApp is logged in on a linked device.

Press menu then Linked Devices, you'll be able to see any linked devices and log them out.

swanlake02 · 08/03/2026 00:36

MySpiritAnimalIsAPanda · 08/03/2026 00:29

is there any way your exh could be pretending to be the person you think you’re talking to? Or
could it be your friend has set up her husband to talk to you?

No, it’s 100% the right person!

OP posts:
MySpiritAnimalIsAPanda · 08/03/2026 00:29

is there any way your exh could be pretending to be the person you think you’re talking to? Or
could it be your friend has set up her husband to talk to you?

PickAChew · 08/03/2026 00:26

Goes without saying you need to change all your passwords, emails and Android or Apple first.

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