Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

Why are asking for validation for telling an old duffer who was annoying you to do one? Who on earth would think the old tool was in the right? You did the right thing, so don't give it another thought.

He put his coat on the back of your chair? That is another level of creepiness!

I think I missed the memo about having to "be kind" to men specifically. Is it one of those things that's supposed to be "internalised" so even if I say it never happened I can't prove it?

The male ego is a wondrous thing.
70 year-old chancing his arm with a woman half his age.

You owe him nothing.

It's not bigoted to use the term men who think they are women. They think that they are. They aren't. Biological reality matters. Sex matters, the law agrees that sex based rights are important.

Facts matter.

Putting his jacket on the back of YOUR chair would have been enough for me to feel immediate animosity towards this obvious 'chancer' 😡and I would have wasted no time in telling him politely but firmly that I was watching the match and did not want to have a conversation and left it at that, even if he persisted in trying to engage I would have just pointedly turned away from him maybe giving him a bit of a glare?! 🤔
If he still hung around expectantly after the match finished then obviously the next move on your behalf would be either to leave the pub altogether or go to the loo and sit somewhere else on your return...if he was then stupid or entitled enough to try again then he would deserve whatever you decided to say to him and if it was me it would be a very blunt and to the point in his face rebuttal without needing to give him any explanations or apologies!! 🙄

That's horrid. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I'd be a little alert atm and see if he's around.

(and you probably are a princess! Nothing wrong there!)

Eww. Imagine a world where if you approach a woman, she immediately owes you time and attention. Ah, the 1930s… yeah, no. You have the right to live your whole life unbothered by anyone else, guilt free.

I often wonder if there are men out there who tie themselves in knots after an exchange just like that, with a woman or indeed anyone really, wondering if they were rude and worrying about it. I bet there aren’t many.

YANBU btw, you’re allowed to not want a conversation with someone.

He was rude. You did exactly the right thing. What a bloomin’ cheek he had.
I’m 59 and find that post menopause, it’s easier to not care a jot about a rude random man’s feelings.
x

Putting his jacket on your chair was a) rude and b) a red flag

You did the right thing

Lolz at all the affronted menz on this thread. Especially the ones attempting to pass as women. We see you fellas! 😂 And yeah, creepy entitled men are everywhere and always have been. Fuck them and their hurt feelings.

It's one reason I'm quite happy to be in my late 40s. All that bullshit has really tailed off. No more lonely men apparently, they all disappeared 😆

It's totally ok to want to just watch the match
It's ok to try once whether someone in a pub wants to chat.
There is a chance you really looked familiar to him.

You don't owe him a chat or even politeness.
However, ignoring him for some time was part of what brought the general attention to you two.

Making hints isn't an effective communication. Especially with people not very similar to you who probably use different code - not hearing him sounds like a valid interpretation.

"That must be some mistake. Yeah/Sorry/I'm not in the mood for a chat, I'm enjoying the game now." Would probably get better results.

I think your 'guilt' OP in part comes from our conditioning to be polite to old people. In my experience they are just people, but some just take advantage of this conditioning and push boundaries. You were absolutely right, would you have felt bad if it had been a younger man? I am in my 70's and was brought up to be polite to all 'old people', it took me to my 50's to recognise they could be unpleasant, selfish etc...just like the rest of us!

"the idea that if a woman doesnt think the same as every other woman thinks the same so they must be man is a very old MN cliche I presume woman are intelligent enough to have their own thoughts?"

LoL I guess you forgot about your other comment where you got very angry because OP & other women don't think the same as you. In fact, you called their thinking "bitter & twisted." I presume you're a man or not intelligent enough to have your own thoughts instead of making men the "center of your universe."

you didn't owe him a conversation. some men are incredibly entitled. i have had the same experience except the man became very angry when i said i wasn't interested in speaking to him.

Women don't owe anyone our time or attention. Especially men cosplaying as women.

But to get back to the OP's situation, when women are engaged in reading, listening to something or watching, say, a rugby game, random blokes should leave them in peace, not feel entitled to demand their attention.

Something similar happened to me recently. I was walking with a friend in a park with our dogs and we passed this man who decided to walk with us and start chatting. We are quite polite people so we entertained a little small talk but he wouldn't leave us alone and proceeded to talk at us and then show us his art work on his phone and telling us all about how he was an artist. I think we endured 15 minutes of him waffling about himself. He hardly asked us any questions so it wasn’t a two way conversation at all. We couldn’t get a word in edge ways so in the end I quite rudely talked over him and said it was nice to talk but we have to get on. He was a bit taken aback but I genuinely was annoyed. I realised that sometimes people take advantage of politeness and I’ve got to be more assertive like you were because otherwise, your precious time gets taken up by time wasting randomers.

Well done you. A woman on her own in a pub must want the attention of a man, give me strength. Sounds like a right creep, invading your personal space by putting his coat on the back of your chair! As an older woman, I am saying from experience, never ever doubt yourself. If it feels creepy, it is creepy.

Tbh, it is a sad and misogynist post regardless who wrote it.

Eh? You’re on the wrong forum if you think blokes in dresses are even vaguely woman-like. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bigotry, my arse.

Are you a man?

If not, this is a really sad post.

And in either case, women should not have their personal freedoms curtailed by the bad behaviour of some men.

The 'nowhere else to put his coat' one was hilarious I agree. If there really weren't any empty seats in the pub he could have tucked it under his arm. Or, you know, kept it on. It was so obvious he was trying to stake out his territory by putting his coat on the OP's seat.

To those who think the OP was rude I say yes maybe she was, and a good bloody thing too. It was in response to this man's rudeness and lack of manners and her instincts were spot on. Asking a total stranger's name is also an aggressive thing to do and an assault on personal boundaries. The times I have been asked my name or personal info by (male) strangers who then get aggrieved and angry when I explain that it is private. The times I have made the mistake of giving random men the benefit of the doubt and end up going down the rabbit hole of their expectations; it just makes it hard to extricate oneself later on and deal with their thwarted anger. Best to just cut it off with curt rudeness at the start imo.

You owed him nothing. You should be able to be left alone to enjoy what you want to.
I actually find a lot of men just get creepier as they get older, What on earth is wrong with them?!