Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

Let the modicum of politeness start with men not assuming women owe them their time. I’m all for that.

She didn't have to, but since when has it been okay to be rude? Even a stranger is entitled to a modicum of politeness. Making it known to him she wished to be left alone would have knocked it on the head pretty quick. If he'd ignored that polite refusal, well an eff off would have been in order. But rudeness from the start? No, not when she was in a roonful of strangers and not in danger.

So you married the first man who approached you?

Interestingly, a similar thing happened to me last year but the guy was already there - I just happened to end up near him. Also, he didn't change his position, we were both watching the match and the conversation went two ways. I didn't feel at all intimidated by him. Whereas in your scenario he entered your space and focused on you - very different and would have made me feel uncomfortable. I only cite my experience because it's important for men to know they can talk to women without being intimidating - why can't they tell the difference??

I find the defence of this, at best, annoying bloke repulsive. Let’s hope the OP’s ‘rudeness’ will stop him trying it again. We all know it won’t though.

@EvieBB that’s not totally agreeing with me.

@QuintadosMalvados

You are the one tying yourself in knots trying to make out this creepy old dude is actually Pierce Brosnan and that women in their 30s are all dying to date pensioners.

THAT is silly, come on. Dont be silly,

Also, did you miss my comment about it being repulsive? I said: "And btw yes, his approach WAS repulsive because she made it clear she wasnt interested and he carried on and put his coat on her chair and got angry when she said no. Thats repulsive."

His BEHAVIOUR was repulsive and according to this thread 95% of people agree with the OP 🤷‍♀️

Your post is a bit silly. It really is. She's a woman in her mid-thirties, not a teenager.

(for all we know she looks older than she is and he looks older too. She may look 40 and he may be 60 looking older. So he's thinking she's only 20 years younger. Not so 'repulsive' then).

Age gaps don't mean the same thing throughout life!

The age gap between a 14-year-old girl and a 50-year-old man is absolutely massive and everybody would agree he would be repulsive to pursue her.

Fast forward 20 years, they meet for the first time and it's no longer repulsive because they are now both mature, fully grown adults no longer in the first flush of youth.

34 is well into mature womanhood.

I repeat: the age gap in and of itself does not make it repulsive.

Do you know what repulsive means? It means something that sickens someone to their very being.

Not just "oh he's too old for her. Silly old fool."

I totally agree....but in the interest of communication and the fact he's not a mind reader I would've just briefly explained I wasn't up for chatting and wanted a quiet moment....

You think "lots" of women in their 30s want to date men in their 70s?

🤣😂😂 haha good one! if thats the case, then why isnt this creepy "silver fox" who hangs out at the pub already coupled up with a 30 year old?- coz according to you, these grandads are being swarmed by much younger women desperate to date them.

If this man had his pick of women 40 years younger than him, he simply wouldn't need to sleaze all over the OP who was clearly not interested then would he?

And btw yes, his approach WAS repulsive because she made it clear she wasnt interested and he carried on and put his coat on her chair and got angry when she said no. Thats repulsive.

I've made it absolutely clear that I believe she had the right to turn him away
but she's in her mid - 30s and to be frank we've no idea what this guy looks like.
He could be a silver fox.

Lots of women at this age like older men.

She's not a teenager. 34 isn't so young (far from it) that his approach is considered repulsive because of his age.

ALWAYS trust your instincts. For too long we've been told we're too sensitive, too this, too that. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't.
You did the right thing.

Sorry to quote the entire post but dying your hair grey will not stop unwanted male attention so save your money. I do know you meant it as a joke 😀

The men just don't get it that their behaviour is obnoxious do they. 🤬🤬

If someone interrupted my time/personal space I take the view they are the one being rude to me.

OP, you did absolutely the right thing. Any guilt arising from the awkward encounter should be entirely on his shoulders.

He was being creepy.

No, you wasn't being rude, he was just a creepy old man trying his luck.

If anyone had the right to be or feel put angry, it's you, not him, for him even thinking that he had the right to harass you when you was just minding your own business.

Too many men think that they have some god given fucking right to control women.

I am posting on this to say that this happened to me again this morning. I had my car in for service so I sat in a nearly empty cafe - plenty of other tables. I had my coffee and some breakfast and was working on my iPad with very visible headphones on. Two blokes in their 60’s (do they dare each other?) waddled up and asked if they could join me. I asked them why as I was obviously working and there were plenty of empty tables… They said “Oh, you look friendly and we just want to chat.” Of course, I pointed out that I was actually working. THEY STARTED TO SIT DOWN ANYWAY!!! I said “Guys, that was me being very clear that I am not here to chat. I have an assignment to do and I want to eat my breakfast in peace!” Their response “Oh no need to be so rude, we were just being friendly!” I asked the manager over and asked him to talk to them and explain that not believing that no means no is not “being friendly” is harrassment, and nobody owes them their attention. I am at home still working on my assignment and still annoyed btw. Considering dying my hair grey as an experiment.

I had a similar thing! I was 25 and this much older guy who liked to brag that he was a doorman (I'm talking late 50's) kept telling me how lonely and sad he was and asking if we could go to his room just to cuddle. He didn't start asking until he'd seen me drink some drinks throughout the day. Even a young woman at the pool and this random guy had to tell him to clear off and that I quite clearly felt uncomfortable and was not about to go to his room to "cuddle". I've been a PA to a now 87 year old man for 13 years. So I have plenty of time and patience. But you know what's genuine and what is not. If it didn't feel & sit right you certainly did the right thing.

Any normal man would

i) not have approached you like that and even if he did
ii) should have stopped engaging with you when you made it clear you weren’t interested in chatting

You were not in the wrong

Having been on an outing with a couple of very attractive daughters of friends and seen the unsolicited, very much unwanted attention they got when they just wanted to enjoy the girlie group was a real eye opener. Nothing they said made the guys go away and in the end they got abuse for being standoffish and prima donna's!! Horrible, drunk, entitled men who succeeded in spoiling our day until we went home and had drinks in safety.

Why would she have wanted to chat (be talked at, probably) to a man twice her age when she was having a quiet drink and watching a match? What could he possibly have to say that she would rather stop what she was doing and listen? The sooner these blokes understand that the vast majority of women don’t want to listen to them prattle on, the better.

This.
Absolutely understand you weren't in the mood to chat but I would've just said that to him, otherwise its just very awkward and a bit rude....

Men aren't bad for trying to chat women up, they're only bad if they refuse to leave a woman alone when clearly told she's not interested

Nope. No 30 year old woman wants a man old enough to be her grandad trying to chat her up. It’s fucking gross. This man was pervy and delusional if he thought the OP would be interested in his pathetic attentions. So yes, he was bad for trying that because it’s revolting. Also the very fact he huffed off is indicative of his blatant disrespect towards the OP and how furious he was that she wasn’t interested in a man 40 years older than her 🤮

Women should be able to go anywhere without having to chat to some random man if she doesn’t want to. Women face so many restrictions this is just another. Even if he wasn’t being creepy he was probably going to mansplaining the sport to her. The fact that he was 70 is a red herring. I was in a cafe recently and the two cafe workers were women in their 20s. There was a man in there with a female companion in their 70s. He was staring at the two younger women a lot, I felt creeped out on their behalf. He went up to pay and he was doing this ridiculous flirting, like he was in with a chance. It was pathetic and if he wasn’t being creepy with his wife, deeply disrespectful to her.

The fact that the pub guy went off in a huff tells you what you need to know. He felt personally rebuffed. There were plenty of other men to sidle up to. He chose the lone female half his age.

He's of an age where he probably thought a woman on her own in a pub was a loose woman. That's why he was lingering and clocking you outside. Sorry you had to experience that.

Just because I'm not agreeing that this guy is automatically a villain does not mean that I think she should have engaged with him!!

In fact, I'd have told him to go away a lot sooner than she did.
I agree with a PP that it's best to be direct very early in the interaction.

I've gone up to guys who've made leery comments to me and asked them 'what did you say?' Probably not wise to do so but there you go.

BUT I do appreciate that guys will try to chat women up and as long as they get lost when they're told the woman is not interested, that's OK.

Men aren't bad for trying to chat women up, they're only bad if they refuse to leave a woman alone when clearly told she's not interested.