Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

Many years ago, if a lone woman went into a pub, it would be seen that she 'wanted company'. I suspect that's precisely why this man approached you. It's been socially acceptable for a lone woman to go into a pub for a drink by herself, for decades!

I do think when this man first approached you, it would have been better to have said 'I'm here for a quiet drink and to watch the rugby, not to talk' rather than blanking this man. Not everyone understands hints, and clearly this man didn't. He didn't get the message until you eventually said something.

Don't feel bad for saying something. A elderly man should have known better, than to approach a woman old enough to be his daughter.

Crikey, don’t any of you come and live in a rural village. EVERYONE talks to you, regardless, its polite and kind to pass the time of day. Some people are lonely, or just want a small touchpoint. Is it really so hard to be nice and maybe make someone’s day a bit better 🤷🏽‍♀️

How many men do you think this man walked up to, put his coat over their chair and asked their name? I can answer that

None.

Gosh, I bet you were so grateful and relieved when they swooped in to rescue you from boredom or loneliness 🙄🤣

My dad is 70. He would never in a million years approach a woman half his age for conversation … or anything else!
He would consider it deeply weird, not least because his daughters are even older than that!
YANBU.

Completely fine - his feelings are not more important than yours.

I used to occasionally go to my local by myself to read a book and take in the atmosphere when I was in my 20s, and I was frequently hassled by older men seeming to think that I was "lonely" or that it was odd that I was by myself. 🙄

You don't owe random men conversation. If he's that lonely then I'm sure he could have found someone else in the pub to chat with. Why approach a woman half his age? I've had too many bad experiences of random men of various ages approaching me in public to think it's something entirely innocent. You deserve to be able to live your life without having random men demanding your attention and making you feel uncomfortable.

I’d really love men to get this message

women don’t owe men conversation. If anyone tries to start a conversation with someone else and you are getting no response, or limited response, or are even told that person isn’t interested, just move on. It’s not that hard.

Id love it if my DD didn’t have to constantly navigate men’s attention. And then navigate their reactions when she politely says no.

They are not just ‘being nice’ fgs. Their perspective is entirely transactional and about their wants, their needs. Mostly sexual. Sometimes just ego. Sometimes dominance. Not for one second do they think of her wants or need to feel safe, to enjoy herself without having to worry about them. This started when she was 13 and I’ve seen it happen countless times. Am sick of it.

Oh silly me! My little fluffy head has been reading this all wrong! I'm so terribly, desperately sorry. My mistake. It's the woman's fault. Of course it is. Apologies 😘

He was extremely rude. When a woman says no it should be politely respected.

I don't know whether you're an insomniac or in a different country but for a long time now in UK courts, alcohol consumption has been counted as an aggravating feature making a crime worse, not a mitigating feature excusing bad behaviour.

Have you been reading about lots of pubs closing? The mens drinking pubs are really struggling. The ones I see like Lounges, a lot of Greene King, and Wetherspoons are doing fine. They tend to be the ones with lots of female customers.

Put his coat on the bag of your chair? Should of added that to OP - would change responses from many. Thank God I'm 57 and now ignored. I wish I'd been more like you.

Another one who thinks we should all stay at home 😡

Funny how they never want to be nice to men, just women, and always younger. 🤔

OP - you mention that people started to notice when you were ignoring me him. This is 100% not about you- I bet you he has a reputation for being the local creep. Or at least the pub bore.

people were probably watching in a ‘Nigel is up to his old tricks again’ way

He was rude and in your personal space. You didn't initiate the conversation. He had no reason to be offended and no reason to approach you. He was embarrassed and he should be. Good for you being clear and bollocks to feeling guilty. Hi girl!

No-one is being paranoid - they’re literally saying it’s ok to not want to talk to other people and you don’t have to. If you want to talk to lots of random people, fill your boots, but not everyone does and that’s ok 🤷‍♀️

Being ignored is a clear sign someone doesn't want to talk to you.

Women typically don't go out becuase they want to chat to men.
In fact, I'd say the chance a 30 year old woman going to a bar because she wants to chat with a 70 year old man she doesn't know is zero.

There were plenty of men his own age if he wanted an innocent chat. So why choose the woman half your age and keep pushing the matter when she's ignoring you then storm off when she rejects you? Not for nice reasons.

Woah!!!!!!!!!

Get back in your place laydeeeez!!!!!!

@EleanorReally well according to you, women can't win. You are saying women shouldnt go to the pub because they can have a drink at home and then in the next breath you are calling people paranoid for "hiding" away at home.

So, which is it? damned if you go out, damned if you stay at home 😂

Yup.
I have similar..
No longer young and gorgeous😉 but I think I have one of those open faces - so even when I'm reading /disengaged from what's going on around me... Men do approach and start talking to/at me.....

Many of whom do versions of my wife doesn't understand me.... 💤

It must work... Sometimes...

I get really fed of these unwelcome advances, wheb I'm reading or just staring into space.... Most times I'm waiting for fríends/partner.

She could have stayed home if she didn't want conversation?

Shock horror, woman doesn't want to sit at home in her lounge watching a match with zero atmosphere and would like to do it in a pub with other people cheering on the team, celebrating scoring, groaning at the near misses.

Without being harassed by random males.

Is it really too much in 2026 to ask other women to understand this?

I used to get this when out with my wife. Some men see 2 women together and assume we’re fair game to be approached. Then we have to be careful not to anger them. So annoying.

And a 70 year old, old man must have had plenty of brush offs to surely have learned to take a hint by now.

EleanorReally you obviously have a narrow view of what other people do. Many people go to the pub to watch sport. Dh is going today. Yes he could sit on his own and watch it at home but you could say that for virtually anything.
Why go to a cafe when you can sit in your house and drink coffee? Why even go to the pub when you can sit and drink in your own home. Why go to the cinema when you can watch virtually any film you like at home?
Stop questioning why women are in public spaces. They have just as much right to be there as men. This is why lots of women don’t go out. The assumption that they shouldn’t be there. I find this the same with public transport. I’d rather drive than have to suffer the unwanted attention of some random man.