Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

@DaisyDoodler
In a full pub with plenty of lone women would you approach a young lad and persist in trying to talk to him even when he says he’s watching sports?
Stop excusing men’s entitlement to women’s attention.
Monody is obliged to speak to anyone.

This would have really bugged me too. In 2026 a women still becomes ' public property ' once she goes into a bar on her own. Maybe younger men don't do this? I remember going in to the pub with female friends for a drink and a catch up, and invariably a man or men would come over and offer to buy drinks and want to sit with you. As though your time really couldn't be complete until you are lucky enough to have male company! The arrogance! I expect the alcohol emboldens them because it doesn't happen in cafes or libraries. Your feelings are valid, you were in there to watch the match and have a drink, with out having to interact with someone you don't want to and who probably has an agenda, something every man in this country takes for granted.

In this case it is a man who approached a lone woman and wouldn't fuck off. We are allowed to talk about that pattern of behaviour. If it's a problem for you, take it up with the men who won't leave women alone.

Women who think they're the centre of their own universe = bad

Men who think they're the centre of everyone's universe and that everyone owes them = good

Fuck off with that.

YANBU, of course not. I wish men would stop putting women in that position.

Not in my very long experience of running pubs, men like that were always loners..then they would want me to smile and try to hold my hand as I passed them their change, so many of them, never saw any other groups of men bring them into their circle.

Some women don't want to have conversations with random, entitled men and that is absolutely fine. If the woman blanks the man he should be emotionally and socially intelligent enough to understand - however a large amount of men out and about think they are ENTITLED to speak to us and ENTITLED to our time. When they are not entitled to a fucking thing.

This thread is full of awful victim blaming comments. "Why didn't you just..." @IndigoBluey just blanking him, not engaging in conversation should have been enough for him to fuck off to the far side of fuck.

absolutely

No-one has done anything wrong and no-one needs to be ashamed here.

He's not wrong for trying to start a conversation. OP isn't wrong for telling him no.

How has this non-incident run to 9 pages?

He didn't insult or harass or follow OP. He didn't do anything worthy of condemnation. And neither did OP!

The attempts to excuse this man's behaviour are very depressing. So far we've had

• he had dementia
• he had too much to drink
• he was lonely
• he thought she was lonely
• he thought she needed 'protection'
• he was hard of hearing
• he thought she was hard of hearing
• he thought she was 'foreign'
• he didn't hear her because it was noisy
• he thought she couldn't hear him because it was noisy
• she'd taken his seat

So many excuses and so much effort to put the blame on the OP and make her feel ashamed for being 'unkind'.

At best this man was rude and at worst he was a creep.

Well, as someone recently said, the shame needs to change sides.

Absolutely fine to try to open a conversation. What is not fine is not taking “no” for an answer. And it’s not an old man issue-despite Mumsnet’s curious problem with ageism. It’s an entitled man issue. Entitled men can be anything from 18 to 102.

No the OP hasn’t done anything wrong either. To be fair, she’s not the one calling him a creep. All I am trying to point out is that not every man is a creep and those jumping to that assumption are perhaps being a little unfair. There could be many factors involved. However, as you say re vibes, I would say to anyone, man or woman, to trust your gut. If it feels odd and it makes you uncomfortable then you are under no obligation to do anything. OP didn’t feel under obligation and she did go with her gut. That’s fair enough. I just don’t necessarily think the man is a bad guy either just based on this one interpretation of a single interaction.

TBH he sounds to me like the type of old git who likes to imagine that any woman will welcome his company. Unfortunately they are not a very rare species. Any nice, non-git man would have understood very quickly that you wanted to be left alone.

Please don’t feel remotely bad - and I know my strictly non-git dh would say the same.

That gum you like is going to come back in style..

Totally agree with this and also, even if it was rude of the OP to take the approach she did, it doesn’t matter. We don’t owe “manners” to strangers really. You don’t have to interact in any way with someone who randomly approaches you, you really don’t. Any acknowledgment or response opens the door a crack, and they’re in. This man tested the boundary by speaking to OP, tested it again by putting his coat on her chair and for sure his next move would have been to sit down. They’re vampires, don’t invite them in. Ignoring is the right strategy, who cares if it’s <shock horror> rude? 🙄

sounds like you were in his seat op

I will chat to pretty much anyone and people always strike up conversations with me wherever I go. My Mother and my sisters are just the same. Not sure if we have reassuring or kind looking faces, nine times out of ten it’s fine.

But there is the odd occasion a person, and it is always a man makes me feel uncomfortable. This would have made me uncomfortable and I’m about as far removed from being an introvert as is possible.

If the posters that feel sorry for this bloke are women and are raising girls ask yourself if your daughters told you this would you feel okay with what this young woman had to put up with and that she was made to feel uncomfortable. I’m delighted my Mother raised me to understand that we are not just there to enhance men’s lives and be their accessories and that we are entitled to our own lives.

I blame all this be kind shite.

The OP hasn't done anything wrong either. She isnt obliged to speak to old men in the pub if she doesnt want to. Maybe she got a bad vibe from him, I know I have in the past. Women arent obliged to keep old men company.

Bang on!
👍

Again, that’s an interpretation. I just don’t see why everything has to be the most negative. It’s a crowded pub. Full of people. He’s not exactly done anything wrong apart from try to talk to someone.

Yes she did - from OP: "He then asked my name and I quite directly told him I just want to watch the match. He then left in a huff."

If he was benign and kind he would have said no worries, enjoy your evening.

Yes but she didn’t clearly say that. She ignored him! Maybe he thought she was hard of hearing, or foreign, or hadn’t heard him with the noise. Why jump to the most negative??

And if you were in a pub, would you approach an 18 year old boy watching darts on tv, put your handbag on the back of his chair and ask him what his name was? Would you carry on talking to him if he looked at you then turned away and completely ignored you? Would you show him that you were annoyed with him if he asked you to leave him alone? If you wouldn’t do any of those things, then why not?

If he wanted to protect her then why did he storm off in a huff or try to put his coat on her chair? thats not very respectful of someone he considers like this daughter is it?

Maybe he thought she was lonely and wanted company. Maybe he was trying to protect her from unwanted attention from younger more rowdier men so he was being protective. Maybe he was simply being friendly. Not every man is a creep!! I feel sorry for any male relatives you may have if this is your attitude! Hope you don’t have sons who may one day want to strike up conversation to pass the time with someone!!