Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

It's not about policing other people's behaviour.
This is nonsense (unless you regard every interaction where anybody tells anyone else 'no' is them 'policing' behaviour.)
The notion that it is usual for women to go to pubs to sit alone is utter and complete bullshit. I can't stress this enough.
Even in the unusual circumstances that they do, they tend to be gregarious and not wallflowers (even most men go to pubs to talk to other people).
The only exception to the women going to sit alone are in places like Spoons where in certain areas of the pub there is a cafe vibe.

The bottom line is that a pub is a place where alcohol is served to more than one person and anyone permitted to go there should have the common sense to realise that alcohol makes people more chatty and maybe less able to accurately assess subtle social cues while also accepting that the default position is that people may attempt to interact with them.

It's fine if they want to be left alone - and of course they should say if this is the case and have this respected- but to act all wow I went into a pub and someone tried to talk to me is ridiculous.

I think that a lot of people disagreeing with me go to naice pubs with reserved tables with barbed wire and armed guards around them (joke) but then surely they wouldn't go into a pub to sit alone if this were the case so I don't know. Lol.

Perhaps you think that you are striking a blow for femake equality but to be honest I think that you're just making us look like idiots who don't know what pubs and alcohol are about.

Blanking someone and staring at your screen IS direct. And it's exactly the sort of thing men do to people they aren't interested in talking to. It's not a subtle hint, where only those who are black belts in body language have a chance of working it out. There is no reason to suppose he was in anyway confused about how interested OP was in a conversation.

I’d say it’s often quite easy to discern between the just having a chat type and the creepy guy thinking women owe him some entertainment.

this wasn’t some scenario where she came up to the bar where he was sitting and had a pleasant chat while waiting to be served.

an old man walking up to a young woman and putting his coat on her chair is really bloody weird…

how many people have you seen sitting alone and gone and sat next to them? I’ve never done it and I’m a pretty sociable and happily chat to most people in passing

Exactly, and many of us in this thread have described how men have reacted angrily and aggressively and sworn at us simply because we politely told them we did not want to chat with them and yet thats continually ignored by some posters in this thread who still insist that its women that need to "be kind" and indulge random strange men trying to engage us in conversation.

God forbid the men should ever have to pick up on any social cues whatsoever or have any sensitivity for women who might not want to talk to them, oh no, its always the women who are at fault isnt it? (despite all our experiences of having men shout and curse at us in public for daring to not want to talk to them) 🙄

It's odd but I can see a mile off when people don't want company. If they are watching a screen intently, if their head is in a book, or if they are just not making eye contact with anyone. I am out & about frequently with my DS who has learning difficulties, he will chat to anyone close by. Some people are happy to chat back, others not - and I can tell at a glance and I make sure DS doesn't bother them.

I refuse to believe that men are thick and unable to tell which people don't want to engage. Many of them may not have any nefarious motives but they do just feel automatic entitlement to women's attention. This man putting his jacket on the OP's chair showed that entitlement and refusal to read the room.

I don't think she is making a fuss about nothing. No it is not a huge issue, but it is annoying and disturbing to one's peace of mind to be disturbed and interrupted when it is clear they don't want to be.

But women are often not comfortable telling a man to fuck off, or even politely telling him to leave them alone (which the OP did). That's because they invariably take it badly and there is always the risk of them getting aggressive.

I can't count the times I have had men try to encroach on my time and space and get angry when I insist on my right to both. A few weeks ago I was called a 'fucking cunt, is everyone in this town as rude as you?' in the street when I kept walking past a man sidling up to me trying to talk to me about something. Might have been asking the way but I was walking fast, obviously in a hurry, in a busy street with loads of other people he could have asked. So I don't care if anyone thinks I was rude - it just felt wrong and I trusted my instincts. As the OP did hers.

They don’t need to though - why are you expecting women to police other people’s behaviour? Believe me or not, it honestly makes no difference, but women do have agency and can and do visit pubs alone. Genuinely not sure why you find this so surprising - I posted earlier about this, but women alone often face the challenge of being accused of being rude if they tell someone (usually a man) that they don’t want company, or that statement is just ignored. Alternatively, if they try to politely get them to leave, it’s seen that they are interested in conversation. In short, it shouldn’t be up to the lone woman to manage the other person’s behaviour - it should be for that person to realise their presence isn’t required and politely leave. In this case that’s not what happened - eventually the guy left in a strop.
The right thing would have been to politely leave her alone, get on with his day and go and try and make conversation elsewhere. That’s the point.

I've only ever known a few women go to pubs alone (or rather they may be alone until their friends arrive) unless it's in Spoons.

I don't believe you that lots go in alone at all. Sorry I don't. It's not reality.
And I've been to a lot of pubs of all types around the UK.
Therefore it is not weird at all that this old guy thought she wanted company.
I'd feel the same.
OK he was wrong but so what? No harm done besides which he did piss off when she made it clear that in fact she wanted to be alone so no problem. She's making a fuss over nothing.

In any case it's really odd that all these women supposedly visiting pubs alone haven't yet mastered the art of politely telling people to leave them alone, isn't it?

Age is just a number? oh ok. so you'd happily date a 70 year old at age 30 then would you?.... Because noone I know would do that. Women in their 30s generally do not want sleazy old men who are well over retirement age trying to get them to go out with them

Yep it's very weird. Where I live we get all kinds of people in the pub and yes, women on their own shock/horror they are usually reading or chilling out or eating a meal on their own and none of them are desperate or looking for men 40 years older than them to sidle up to them and chat. Not one.

And that’s all well and good, but that’s your view of pub culture and that it’s ’weird’ to go to the pub on your own (from your description, only if you’re a woman?). Lots of women go to the pub alone, whether you’ve seen this or not. If you go to the pub, you want to interact with others- this is not the case for everyone and whether or not this guy thought the OP was ‘lonely’ it shouldn’t have been difficult for him to read the room and move on when it was clear she wasn’t.

I know a lot about Camra (I can't say too much as it would be outing.)
Interesting article.
Indeed, I love real ale but there's no getting around the fact that men and women do socialise in pubs differently.

I've been in lots of pubs and I've seen men go in alone and just give a friendly nod to the other guys and not talk at all.
Being in the same room is enough.
Ten men sitting apart.

I have never, ever seen individual women do this. Ever.
You won't get 10 women sitting in a pub apart and not interacting with each other.
They usually go with other people or to meet others.
Indeed the only pub I ever see lone women in is the Wetherspoon's chain (who in spite of their negative image, are excellent for real ale) and this is because these pubs are more like cafes with alcohol. They have areas analogous to snugs.

Just because this is OP's local does not mean she goes there regularly.
She seems to know nothing about pub culture.
Nothing about the fact that if you're a woman alone people either feel sorry for you and try to get you to join in or chat you up.
Apart from Spoons, it does feel weird to just go into a pub alone. For me, anyway.
If I go out to the pub, I want to interact with other people.
Maybe the old guy assumed this of her, too.

It wouldn’t have been OK whatever age he was. The OP didn’t want to talk to him. His age is completely irrelevant . The issue is male entitlement.

I was going to say this isn't the 1800's and op can have a drink in a pub if she wants, but it actually appears it's only within my lifetime, 1982, that women have even been allowed to go up to the bar to buy a drink. Prior to that they had to wait at a table for the man to buy them their drink!

https://wb.camra.org.uk/2023/04/25/ladies-in-the-lounge-gentlemen-at-the-bar

Anyway, no one owes anyone a conversation, and he should have just left when she made it clear the first time.
Plus, op said it is her local, she knows the landlord/lady

This would make me feel very uncomfortable, the whole coat on your chair thing was creepy and I’d have sent him away with a flea in his ear

She wasn't his daughter though.
Does everyone who has a partner the same age stick together for ever then?
No divorces between people the same age?

I was the same age as my husband we divorced after three years. I've been with my current partner many more years and still happy. He is older than me
That should tell you something, for example it's nothing to do with the age as to why it works out. Age is just a number.
How people of the world cannot understand it, is abit thick to me.😴

He put his jacket on the back of your chair? Creepy.

You did the right thing.

Mumsnet age gap rage again. 😂
What does half his age mean, would it have been ok if Op had been abit nearer his age then?
An unwanted chat is an unwanted chat.
How the hell does everybody know how old people are anyway
My DH looks younger than he is

It's my fault for getting drawn into the thread.
I mean it's a total non-event.
Woman in mid-30s walks into pub alone. Old guy-who may or may not be chatting her up-attempts to talk to her.

She tells him she doesn't want to talk to him. He leaves her alone.
End of.

Oh god, don’t say anything vaguely supportive of any other reason than harassment- they’ll all be calling you a misogynist next too lol 😂

"Looking down, smiling" is bordering on harassment?!
Lol.

A 70 year old man approaching a 30 something woman on her own I'm a pub is creepy.

On the contrary.

If you are a person who continues foisting your company on someone who has stated - or even given clear cues - that they don't want it, then you have no respect for other people's boundaries.

And that makes you a creep.

I am interested now though in what you have had deleted as someone else obviously found it inappropriate as I’ve reported nothing 😂

I’m so not getting anything deleted lol 😂 I am however bailing on this unwarranted and unnecessary attack. Agree to disagree and move on. Thanks and goodbye