Enjoying quiet drink & elder man approaches

Do you sidle up to other people’s tables in bars/restaurants and stand there inanely smiling at them for minutes on end when they are quite clearly trying to ignore you? Because I’ve never done that personally but I appreciate everyone is different.

I'll tell you why I appear to bending myself out of shape.
The guy actually did nothing wrong other than to attempt to chat to her.

He then left when she made it clear his company was not wanted.
That is the objective truth.
What people infer from it is irrelevant.

What is more is that nonsense like this detracts from actual harassment and that pisses me off.

Good manners to ask a total stranger their name?

On whose planet? Because it certainly isn't on the one I live on!

Asking a stranger their name could just be considered good manners. As for the coat, not really seeing the issue there.

Peace of mind disturbed? By a guy just trying to have a conversation with her.
Who did not get aggressive and insist she talk to him.
I am not denying women have experienced aggression when they rebuff men - far from it but in this particular case she really is making a fuss over nothing at all.

You seem to be bending yourself out of shape to take this guy’s side.

asking a stranger their name could be considered good manners - but only if the OP had described a completely different scenario.

I thought you were a bloke, but there’s no way a man would be happy if a man put his jacket on another guy’s chair without asking. People get punched for far less in pubs (by men).

So you admit then that it IS on men not to behave poorly and it is on men not to get so drunk that they hassle and harass women?

Good, I am glad you finally agree the issue is men behaving poorly and its not the fault of women.

Asking a stranger their name could just be considered good manners. As for the coat, not really seeing the issue there.

Peace of mind disturbed? By a guy just trying to have a conversation with her.
Who did not get aggressive and insist she talk to him.
I am not denying women have experienced aggression when they rebuff men - far from it but in this particular case she really is making a fuss over nothing at all.

You don't have to be visibly drunk to have your judgement impaired by alcohol. Far from it. In any case, if they're strangers how do you know whether they're affected by booze or not? There's no baseline of sobriety to compare with.

And what this guy did was not harassment at all because you're right the bar staff would've intervened. That proves it was not harassment.

In this particular case, the OP is making a fuss over nothing.

I never said she was a problem only that as a presumably reasonably intelligent woman she is being ridiculous in her assumption that in social environment where alcohol is being consumed people may not leave her completely alone and that she should be prepared for this.
Do you think that men don't have this issue, too?
I've seen guys who wish to be alone chatted to by other men who want him to join them but, funnily enough, they just say "no thanks mate, not in the mood had a bad day".
They don't go starting threads on social media about it.

No, of course you shouldn't have to talk to someone you don't want to, but why didn't you just politely tell him straight away that you wanted to focus on the game, rather than deliberately ignoring his questions for however long? It sounds like you made it more uncomfortable than it needed to be.

Lots of people do go to pubs to have a chat, and want to pass the time in a more or less sociable way, so he wasn't unreasonable to try to start a conversation.

I'm in waiting rooms a lot, at GPs, hospitals, etc., and there are a often other people who just have to sit right next to you, trying to strike up conversation, etc., again, both men and women. I try to remember to take a book with me, so that hopefully it gives off the "sod off" vibes so that they leave me alone. Not particularly pervy old men, in fact, very rarely pervy old men. My DH says exactly the same and does the seem as me to avoid people talking to him as he's in GP and hospital waiting rooms more than I am. Actually he gets more annoyed because he says he regularly gets random blokes wanting to chat about football or boxing etc for which he has no interest whatsoever yet because he's a bloke, lots of other blokes seem it's their "duty" to chat about sport with him!! He's much quieter than me so won't basically tell them to sod off either, so just sits there nodding occasionally hoping either him or the other guy will get called in soon!

Funny that they never seem to dare do it in GP waiting rooms, at supermarket tills, or at the chemists counter isnt it, these poor innocent chaps.

But when he spoke to you at first, you ignored him?

According to your first post you didn't just say you were watching the match. You ignored him completely.

Posters here are placing a lot of nefarious intentions on the man described without knowing him. I just don't feel comfortable declaring a man to be a creepy, scary, woman-hating "creepy fuck" for daring to speak to a woman in a pub.

Because they've been consuming alcohol and that makes people less able to accurately assess subtle social cues.

(Did you miss the part about all this taking place in a public house or something? Did you think it was in a library or the local zoo?)

Even 'not my Nigel' is a bit mentally impaired after 3 pints of ale.
Do you never consider why we have drink driving laws? It's because alcohol affects people's ability to make good decisions.

The overarching lesson here is not to go to pubs if we can't tolerate pissed people.

As adults, we have this choice.

You don't have to be visibly drunk to have your judgement impaired by alcohol. Far from it. In any case, if they're strangers how do you know whether they're affected by booze or not? There's no baseline of sobriety to compare with.

And what this guy did was not harassment at all because you're right the bar staff would've intervened. That proves it was not harassment.

In this particular case, the OP is making a fuss over nothing.

I never said she was a problem only that as a presumably reasonably intelligent woman she is being ridiculous in her assumption that in social environment where alcohol is being consumed people may not leave her completely alone and that she should be prepared for this.
Do you think that men don't have this issue, too?
I've seen guys who wish to be alone chatted to by other men who want him to join them but, funnily enough, they just say "no thanks mate, not in the mood had a bad day".
They don't go starting threads on social media about it.

You don't have to be visibly drunk to have your judgement impaired by alcohol. Far from it. In any case, if they're strangers how do you know whether they're affected by booze or not? There's no baseline of sobriety to compare with.

And what this guy did was not harassment at all because you're right the bar staff would've intervened. That proves it was not harassment.

In this particular case, the OP is making a fuss over nothing.

I never said she was a problem only that as a presumably reasonably intelligent woman she is being ridiculous in her assumption that in social environment where alcohol is being consumed people may not leave her completely alone and that she should be prepared for this.
Do you think that men don't have this issue, too?
I've seen guys who wish to be alone chatted to by other men who want him to join them but, funnily enough, they just say "no thanks mate, not in the mood had a bad day".
They don't go starting threads on social media about it.

Are you quite alright?
I often go into town to the pubs. Perhaps I’m lucky that there are many pubs to choose from. I usually drive so don’t drink. The times I visit the vast majority of people are not drunk, I’m not saying they are not drinking alcohol but they are not drunk. Most people stay in their own little groups or stay solo. They chat to bar staff and people they know. They might nod or exchange a few words at the bar. They do not approach random strangers and harras them. Certain pubs are better for watching sport. People may casually chat about the sport shown.
Yes I’m lucky in that I can pick and choose which pubs I go to, we have a good selection. I don’t see men harassing women. It’s not an acceptable excuse that a woman in a pub is some kind of problem and needs male intervention. I’m quite sure the bar staff/regulars would stamp that out.
You need to stop victim blaming.

They may not be thick, just drunk.
To be fair alcohol affects women's ability to correctly assess situations, too!!

Hey there's a thought: maybe OP was drunk and her recollection is incorrect. Does she say she was drinking only soft drinks?

It's not about policing other people's behaviour.
This is nonsense (unless you regard every interaction where anybody tells anyone else 'no' is them 'policing' behaviour.)
The notion that it is usual for women to go to pubs to sit alone is utter and complete bullshit. I can't stress this enough.
Even in the unusual circumstances that they do, they tend to be gregarious and not wallflowers (even most men go to pubs to talk to other people).
The only exception to the women going to sit alone are in places like Spoons where in certain areas of the pub there is a cafe vibe.

The bottom line is that a pub is a place where alcohol is served to more than one person and anyone permitted to go there should have the common sense to realise that alcohol makes people more chatty and maybe less able to accurately assess subtle social cues while also accepting that the default position is that people may attempt to interact with them.

It's fine if they want to be left alone - and of course they should say if this is the case and have this respected- but to act all wow I went into a pub and someone tried to talk to me is ridiculous.

I think that a lot of people disagreeing with me go to naice pubs with reserved tables with barbed wire and armed guards around them (joke) but then surely they wouldn't go into a pub to sit alone if this were the case so I don't know. Lol.

Perhaps you think that you are striking a blow for femake equality but to be honest I think that you're just making us look like idiots who don't know what pubs and alcohol are about.

Absolute rubbish.

Perhaps you think you are striking a blow for defending men but you are making them out to be grunting cave men who are literally so stupid, so utterly unaware of their surroundings or other people in the world, that they cannot work out in their minuscule brains that when someone is obviously ignoring them they dont wish to talk to them.

Good grief 🤣 how do these men even function in their jobs if they are that horrifically dense?

It's odd but I can see a mile off when people don't want company. If they are watching a screen intently, if their head is in a book, or if they are just not making eye contact with anyone. I am out & about frequently with my DS who has learning difficulties, he will chat to anyone close by. Some people are happy to chat back, others not - and I can tell at a glance and I make sure DS doesn't bother them.

I refuse to believe that men are thick and unable to tell which people don't want to engage. Many of them may not have any nefarious motives but they do just feel automatic entitlement to women's attention. This man putting his jacket on the OP's chair showed that entitlement and refusal to read the room.

I don't think she is making a fuss about nothing. No it is not a huge issue, but it is annoying and disturbing to one's peace of mind to be disturbed and interrupted when it is clear they don't want to be.

It's not about policing other people's behaviour.
This is nonsense (unless you regard every interaction where anybody tells anyone else 'no' is them 'policing' behaviour.)
The notion that it is usual for women to go to pubs to sit alone is utter and complete bullshit. I can't stress this enough.
Even in the unusual circumstances that they do, they tend to be gregarious and not wallflowers (even most men go to pubs to talk to other people).
The only exception to the women going to sit alone are in places like Spoons where in certain areas of the pub there is a cafe vibe.

The bottom line is that a pub is a place where alcohol is served to more than one person and anyone permitted to go there should have the common sense to realise that alcohol makes people more chatty and maybe less able to accurately assess subtle social cues while also accepting that the default position is that people may attempt to interact with them.

It's fine if they want to be left alone - and of course they should say if this is the case and have this respected- but to act all wow I went into a pub and someone tried to talk to me is ridiculous.

I think that a lot of people disagreeing with me go to naice pubs with reserved tables with barbed wire and armed guards around them (joke) but then surely they wouldn't go into a pub to sit alone if this were the case so I don't know. Lol.

Perhaps you think that you are striking a blow for femake equality but to be honest I think that you're just making us look like idiots who don't know what pubs and alcohol are about.