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AIBU?

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Original poster

To raise washing with ex?

81 replies

Smellysusan · 07/03/2026 23:40

When DC is in my care, they are washed/bathed every day. They genuinely get smelly without (7 year old) around their bum area.

Ex never washes DC, even when they’re there for five days at a time.

I know we both have PR but AIBU to raise this? Am I being OTT?

OP posts:
Original poster
Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 13:38

JHound · 08/03/2026 13:25

He does not wash them for FIVE days at a time???!

Yes, he will sometimes stick him in the shower on handover day but he’s gone five days without washing before then.

OP posts:
double0seven · 08/03/2026 13:38

FreshInks · 08/03/2026 12:59

There’s something a bit off with this OP

There's something very off with this. OP is named 'Smellysusan' what's the relevance of the name ? Do you also smell OP ?
How often does ExH shower ? If he's showering himself why isn't he making sure his child is showering ?
Poor kid. If you're complaining about his lack of hygiene what about his friends/classmates ?
Please don't let your child be the one that gets bullied because of his poor hygene.
There was a boy in my class bullied for exactly this. It was 50 years ago and I shudder when I now wonder what was going on at home.

tutugogo · 08/03/2026 13:34

Work on independence skills, by 7 mine showered themselves, at first I had to turn it on and off but they learn fast enough to do it alone. Their dad needs to ensure they know how to operate the shower and have a towel, flannel and shower gel but I suspect they presume a 7 year old is washing themselves, I would because mine did.

hallomynameisinigomontoya · 08/03/2026 13:31

Teach your child to do a quick wash of his bum area with a soapy flannel and send him with one for each night he's there?
Book a swimming lesson for the evening he's usually with his dad?

If you only notice when you're inspecting to see if he's wiped then I doubt his friends will notice.

Daisyblue2 · 08/03/2026 13:30

yes you need to say something

JHound · 08/03/2026 13:25

He does not wash them for FIVE days at a time???!

momager22 · 08/03/2026 13:23

of Course, that’s blatant neglect

FreshInks · 08/03/2026 13:22

Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 13:02

Why?

Show quote history

It’s just a gut feeling I get having been on MN a long time.

Assistledoggo · 08/03/2026 13:15

7 is rather old for you to have to be inspecting their arse after a poo.

Original poster
Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 13:12

I wish CAO were regularly reviewed and any issues raised. Ex is HC

OP posts:
Original poster
Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 13:11

No SEN, there is a CAO in place.

DS says he brushes his teeth, not sure if it’s supervised.

He’s only just started going for this length of time. So, while he didn’t wash before, it wasn’t as much as an issue.

OP posts:
Assistledoggo · 08/03/2026 13:10

Does the child have any SN?

LittleGreenDragons · 08/03/2026 13:08

Of course you raise it with ex, it's neglect. I'm assuming ex doesn't ensure he cleans his teeth either?

Are the 5 days court ordered, because if it's voluntary then I would refuse to let DC stay there until it court ordered and get SS involved.

In the meantime have you bought DC any wipes/nappy sacks (non are flushable BTW despite the marketing saying they are) to help?

Original poster
Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 13:02

FreshInks · 08/03/2026 12:59

There’s something a bit off with this OP

Why?

OP posts:
FreshInks · 08/03/2026 12:59

There’s something a bit off with this OP

Original poster
Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 07:29

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 08/03/2026 01:48

It's a bit concerning that your 7 yo is smelly enough to need a daily bath. Are they not wiping properly? Or precocious puberty?

he can get away with washing every other day but isnt that fresh by the end of it. I only notice if he asks me to check he’s wiped okay. 😷

OP posts:
abracadabra1980 · 08/03/2026 02:01

I always remember the kids at school without a mum were often the scruffy ones. Sad as some had lost their DM, but some men just don't get how important hygiene and presentation can be. He needs to be told for your DC's sakes.

ImImmortalNowBabyDoll · 08/03/2026 01:48

It's a bit concerning that your 7 yo is smelly enough to need a daily bath. Are they not wiping properly? Or precocious puberty?

takealettermsjones · 08/03/2026 01:36

I'm not sure what young for his age means but I think your circumstances are what they are, and as crap as his dad is being, I think I would start trying to drill it into DS that e.g. Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday are non-negotiable shower/bath days, no matter whose house he is at. Show him how to do everything, muscle your way into EXDH house to show him how to use that shower if you have to, and try to drum it into DS as a habit. I would definitely also raise it with his dad, but it would be a two-pronged attack for me.

Boughy · 08/03/2026 01:34

I think that would qualify as neglect. At 7 I would expect DC to do most, if not all, of the actual washing, but ex absolutely should be facilitating and making sure it happens.

Is he ensuring teeth are brushed?

FreshInks · 08/03/2026 01:25

I would not let my dc go for such long periods if their basic needs are not being met. It’s child neglect.

Original poster
Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 01:24

SpringIsSpringing2026 · 08/03/2026 01:23

Well you could start by teaching him to wipe his bottom properly after a poo.

Show quote history

He does but he just smells a bit musty if he doesn’t wash

OP posts:
SpringIsSpringing2026 · 08/03/2026 01:23

Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 00:35

I think DC needs to understand good hygiene as well as actually needing to be clean. I’m worried about him being smelly to his friends too.

Well you could start by teaching him to wipe his bottom properly after a poo.

Original poster
Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 01:16

@CrocusesFlowering
relatively regularly.

There’s not bathing when he’s there for shorter times either but it’s not as much of an issue then. Basically, ex never washes DS.

OP posts:
CrocusesFlowering · 08/03/2026 00:54

Is it unusual for him to be with his dad for 5 days at a time?