Page 2 | To raise washing with ex?

Smellysusan · 2026-03-07T23:40:35+00:00

When DC is in my care, they are washed/bathed every day. They genuinely get smelly without (7 year old) around their bum area. Ex never washes DC, even when they’re there for five days at a time. I know we both have PR but AIBU to raise this? Am I being OTT?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/03/2026 14:54

At 7 my kids were in the habit of showering every morning. I don’t think it needed to be daily but it was easier than coming up with a more complicated plan.

How receptive is ex likely to be to a discussion?

Itsmetheflamingo · 08/03/2026 14:53

loislovesstewie · 08/03/2026 14:51

And lots of kids absolutely reeked!

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And lots of kids were visibly grimy/ dirty back in the day. Gross

loislovesstewie · 08/03/2026 14:51

superchick · 08/03/2026 13:39

My ex never thought to wash my kids as part of general day to day routines. But they weren't at all smelly at that age. They got bathed after getting muddy or going to the beach. Its not neglect though. When I was that age we had a weekly bath and so did everyone else, it was completely normal.

And lots of kids absolutely reeked!

Original poster

Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 14:42

falalalaa · 08/03/2026 14:36

Eww I make sure my 5 year old showers daily. Once a week is grim and they will smell. My 1 year old is bathed at least every other day. You can just use plain water for very sensitive skin

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This is what I’ve always done…they just start to smell a bit warm and biscuity. They smell like school too.

Each to their own, I’m not saying I think ex should shower DS every day but I think he needs to wash him at some point in the five days.

OP posts:

Leftrightmiddle · 08/03/2026 14:39

falalalaa · 08/03/2026 14:36

Eww I make sure my 5 year old showers daily. Once a week is grim and they will smell. My 1 year old is bathed at least every other day. You can just use plain water for very sensitive skin

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Child doesn't smell. You can flannel wash daily if needed. A 1 yr old is likely to need washing more because of food spillages and nappy explosions

But an older child may depending on the child can go longer.
The daily showers is relatively new situation for humans

WhatAPavalova · 08/03/2026 14:39

Can you send a towel/ shower gel/ bath toy / robe whatever, with DC and suggest DC ask Dad what day they should get a shower?

I don't think usually a 7 year old needs washed every day, but maybe your DC needs to talk through how to wipe well after toilet.

falalalaa · 08/03/2026 14:36

Leftrightmiddle · 08/03/2026 14:16

Once a week bath/shower for primary children can be sufficient.
Depends what they are doing and how smelly dirty they get.

One of our children has very sensitive skin and bath/shower really negatively impacts their skin too

Eww I make sure my 5 year old showers daily. Once a week is grim and they will smell. My 1 year old is bathed at least every other day. You can just use plain water for very sensitive skin

Original poster

Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 14:27

DS once didn’t wipe properly and left marks in his pants, he now worries about it. He’s very conscientious of stuff like that so he sometimes asks me to check.

I can see how every day may seem OTT, but that does factor in swimming and that I always make sure he’s showered before going to his dad’s due to the lack of washing there.

I have sent ex a message anyway, I doubt it will make a difference.

OP posts:

Lobesloope · 08/03/2026 14:26

You can raise it but if he's anything like my ex it'll fall on deaf ears. My 14yo sees this as a plus point and has chosen to live fulltime with dad! 🤦‍♀️ they absolutely reek but there's nothing i can do about it. I hate it. Ex himself washes religiously and doesnt smell, but does not apply this to his offspring. Cant tell you why.

Itsmetheflamingo · 08/03/2026 14:25

I don’t really get the question- “should I say something”? You think he doesn’t wash his children for up to 5 days and you can just say “please wash them” and he’ll listen?!

user1473878824 · 08/03/2026 14:24

There is something really off with this. Your seven year old boy asks you to check if he’s wiped properly after a poo?

Morepositivemum · 08/03/2026 14:19

Five days is awful but every day is very ott, they’re not teens! On the bum thing though it is hard then learning how to clean properly but it is going to be a problem in school if they need actual washing of that area daily as it means they smell at some stage over the day

Leftrightmiddle · 08/03/2026 14:16

Once a week bath/shower for primary children can be sufficient.
Depends what they are doing and how smelly dirty they get.

One of our children has very sensitive skin and bath/shower really negatively impacts their skin too

pouletvous · 08/03/2026 14:13

Ariela · 08/03/2026 13:57

At 7, your child should be capable of showering by themselves, surely? If not, time to encourage and show your 7 year old how to do it, and ask that the father shows your child how to operate his shower too.

Of course but they have to be told to go and do it

pouletvous · 08/03/2026 14:12

I have a 7 year old and they would never wash unless asked/coaxed/goaded/bribed/threatened…:and so on

have a word with ex. They need to parent here

cocog · 08/03/2026 14:03

Just teach them how to shower and wash themselves and give them a schedule
”Saturday night you have a shower before bed”

lessglittermoremud · 08/03/2026 14:00

Five days is too long without a wash, I don’t bath/shower my youngest everyday as it makes his skin dry but he has a shower/bath probably every 3 days depending on what he has been up to.
He is younger then your child and will ask me to turn the shower on as he can’t reach it if he wants a wash, perhaps you could get your son to ask his Dad?
Assuming things are civil between you I would ask that he makes sure he has a shower/bath midway through his visit.
I nag at my older ones to shower as they are early teens/preteen and do start to smell if they showerdodge…but my 6 year old doesn’t smell at all in between showers.

Ariela · 08/03/2026 13:57

At 7, your child should be capable of showering by themselves, surely? If not, time to encourage and show your 7 year old how to do it, and ask that the father shows your child how to operate his shower too.

BillieWiper · 08/03/2026 13:48

I think a 7 yo should be able to wipe after BM sufficiently without asking to be checked.

Does he have constipation? Do his undies have skids? I think it's quite unusual for a child to smell that much. Five days isn't great but it's true back in the day kids often bathed only a couple times a week.

Happytaytos · 08/03/2026 13:45

You're both at the extreme ends imo. Once a day is OTT for 7 and probably why you think he's musty when he's normal. Otoh 5 days is too long. Split the difference and aim for 3 times a week.

Madarch · 08/03/2026 13:45

Eeeeh! It was one bath a week in second hand water when I was that age! I guess everyone smelled so it wasn't a problem 😆

Original poster

Smellysusan · 08/03/2026 13:43

superchick · 08/03/2026 13:39

My ex never thought to wash my kids as part of general day to day routines. But they weren't at all smelly at that age. They got bathed after getting muddy or going to the beach. Its not neglect though. When I was that age we had a weekly bath and so did everyone else, it was completely normal.

It’s this that made me question whether I was right to mention it..I’ve read posts before that say “bathe once a week”, etc

OP posts:

Mingey · 08/03/2026 13:41

double0seven · 08/03/2026 13:38

There's something very off with this. OP is named 'Smellysusan' what's the relevance of the name ? Do you also smell OP ?
How often does ExH shower ? If he's showering himself why isn't he making sure his child is showering ?
Poor kid. If you're complaining about his lack of hygiene what about his friends/classmates ?
Please don't let your child be the one that gets bullied because of his poor hygene.
There was a boy in my class bullied for exactly this. It was 50 years ago and I shudder when I now wonder what was going on at home.

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I think something is off too.. no one should need to come to Mumsnet to check neglect is unreasonable.

Mingey · 08/03/2026 13:40

Why on earth is your 7 year old making you check his shitty arse?? He's seven, please teach him independence!

superchick · 08/03/2026 13:39

My ex never thought to wash my kids as part of general day to day routines. But they weren't at all smelly at that age. They got bathed after getting muddy or going to the beach. Its not neglect though. When I was that age we had a weekly bath and so did everyone else, it was completely normal.