What is considered rich these days??

Student loans get people through law school.

Ah got to love these threads. Nothing sets of the MN base more than a goady money thread (except a Dubai thread).

What a bizarre thread.

I'm not at all convinced by the whole barrister/equity partner in a law firm rubbish (although there are a lot of people who think that a barrister is a senior solicitor) but anyway.

If you spout the whole "my husband is a barrister" twaddle to make him sound more important then I'm not surprised people think you're pretentious (and not very bright).

At £250k joint income from one earner you are not rich. You are however very well off compared to most of the population. If you're paying multiple school fees out of one income though that will be eating a large chunk of your money.

I thought you didn't discuss finances with friends?

Too much BS in your posts. I'm out !

I think in reality, if your husband is PAYE/employed, the top £100k of that salary is going in tax/NI and school fees which makes a huge difference.

You mean a DH that wasn't rich at all until the OP worked her ass off to get him through law school? The SIL and the OP's DH come from the same family, I presume. So, both had equal opportunities to better themselves educationally. One chose to do and his DW, the OP, worked to help him achieve his goals.

Maybe more people should have higher goals for themselves?

What is your pension status. Do you have a defined pension based on a % of your salaries? This makes a huge difference.

Wealth is ultimately determined by pension income/ size of pension pot not current income.

You can google 'how rich am I' calculators and put in your income. I've done mine. I earn half as much and am in the top 4 percent. I consider myself well off in comparison to a lot of people.
Do I feel 'rich'? of course not if I compare myself to the people in the higher brackets. But you need to get some perspective which you can do with research. I mean, the majority of the worlds population havent even taken a flight before. Think about yourself in the wider context, you are in the elite of the world with your income.
You would literally be off the chart On the calculator..
Do some research and ground yourself.
Just because you worked hard and got degrees etc doesnt mean you worked harder than someone else on 30k a year. Maybe you were blessed with things they weren't, higher intelligence, a family member or adult who championed them, looks and personality, being in the right place at the right time to capture an opportunity, being born in a country with a strong currency. All these things also have a huge impact on someones outcome. Not just how hard they worked.

And…that’s still a lot of money…we earn that before tax and we are well off!

I'm thinking this might be a pisstake.

Even with £0 pension contributions, £250k is close to £146k after tax FYI.

Not a whine, just pointing out facts. Hope that helps.

This is a classic case of people arguing over crumbs when we are increasingly becoming a dystopian world akin to Bladerunner.

The status that OP’s husband has would long time ago allowed him to build up substantial investments and savings plus retire early at say aged 60 or less.

Although they can still afford some trapping of wealth the cost of private education has increased twice as fast as inflation. Taxation has risen considerably. This is all masked by the surplus that some middle classes still have but those days are numbered. That surplus will increasingly diminish,

Thw future big 4 or equity partner in medium law firms will consider themselves rich affording a semi detached house.

In 30 years time there will be no real middle class

It will be the uber Uber rich who pay minimal tax and live im off shore island ghettos.

Very rich

Worker - this will include eg consultants, accountants at consultant level , solicitors at higher levels only , doctors. AI designers, IT consultants, gym trainers, civil engineers, social workers, nurses etc and some unskilled workers to do jobs robots can’t.

Robots - eg cleaners, bin collection, account data processors, basic operations, shop operations, warehouse housing

Underclass - non working paid a ‘living’ wage to exist and encouraged not to breed with higher payments

So fro now feel ok off but the tax take will continue to go northward. Work will become more AI driven and the uber rich will consolidate their wealth and not pay their share so your DH will be sitting firmly in the net of higher taxation and a longer time until retirement.

Alternatively maybe the SIL just needs to find a richer husband like the OP did.

Running it through the calculator I estimate he gets the equivalent of minimum wage monthly even before the yearly bonus and if your sil is on benefits she's likely to be on less than minimum wage so you are compared to her although you may not be compared to others

Dh earns £250k so a quarter of a million and around £160 take home I think someone said

and you can’t afford out of that £40k school fees without a £40k yearly bonus

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

But it doesn't sound like your SIL is saying directly to you , you are 'rich'. Just that you don't understand ? Has she ever said to you outright? I'm just wondering if the title of this thread is indicative of you misunderstanding her or she really has this seething resentment as you describe.
Regardless isn't this DHs situation to understand and talk to her about? What does he think?

I think it's to counter the position you see on here a lot which is those who are well off are simply lucky or had a leg up. DH and I both came from poor backgrounds, parents in manual jobs with no education to speak of and we both worked two jobs for years, we both still do overtime/on call by choice and our income is around 120k. I know that's much better than lots of people but it hasn't been easy to come by

Presumably your husband is paying the additional tax rate of 45%? So he pays approx £100k in tax per annum? The bonus is also presumably taxed at 45%. That must be one hell of a bonus if it covers annual school fees.

I consider my own situation to be based on luck. We were fortunate enough to have a happy, trauma-free childhood, go to school then university, have supportive parents, a home to return to, good health, no poor lifestyle choices, all the stepping stones to a solid start in life. These things are the luck of the draw. I work in a junior school and see on a daily basis the vast difference between the haves and the have nots.

I wouldn't call you rich, but comfortable. Perhaps a little too comfortable. All my hackles rise when I hear about SAHMs who don't work because they "don't have to". This is purely because, unless they have an independent private income of their own, financial control is entirely in the hands of the husband. Every woman should have the means of living independently if she had to. How many times have we seen threads on here from women who are trapped because of finances?. Never believe it couldn't happen to you, in my 72 years I have seen marriages I believed rock-solid dumped like yesterday's newspaper. At least take some of the money you currently control and quietly invest it, so if you stay together you both have a good income in retirement and if you don't you're not helpless.

Having to work to pay a mortgage and school fees does not make you 'rich'.

The OP doesn't work or pay the mortgage though. She is a housewife//lady of leisure who stays at home and starts Mumsnet threads to no so subtly bash her SIL for being on benefits.

You have every right to be annoyed at that self-centered witch. Instead of putting herself out there, working, studying for a better job; she belittles you and your DH and then sticks her hand out. People who keep being given handouts and have no appreciation for such, deserve to lose them. Put it aside to take a nice trip with your DH and children. Your SIL does not deserve to benefit off the work you and your DH did to get where you are in life.

Also, I consider you "doing well", but far from rich. Going by one poster' "8 times the national average" whine, the same could be said for those who earn 12K a year calling those who make 30K a year, "rich". Millionaires and billionaires are rich, money-wise. The rest of us just hope to feel "rich" in life.

JMHO from the other side of the pond.

I think you're more than comfortable. I also grew up working class and tbh poor. We now earn just under half of your husband's income and both work, I am the higher earner. Private school is now out of reach for us with the VAT added etc which is a shame as DS has some additional needs that I think would be better addressed in a smaller setting. We live in a 3 bed semi , no range rovers, a 4 year old Renault. We don't worry about bills or food shopping, if the boiler breaks we fix it without that being stressful, we holiday a couple of times a year nothing too fancy but nice and often abroad. I think that's comfortable.
If your SIL makes comments the best response is , yes we're very fortunate, DH works very hard.

Come on!
You don’t work. Choose to send two children to private school. Of course you are well off.

this “worked really hard” thing is really vexing. As if those who do 12 hour shifts on minimum wage don’t work hard?

You are immensely privileged.

Is it bitchy of SIL to make comments? Yes. But she isn’t factually wrong.

Sorry but you ARE both lucky.

Lucky that you met DH young so you could support him financially to do his studies and unlock his career.

Lucky you had a secure job that paid enough to support you both at that time.

Lucky to have DC that can attend school and so presumably don't have any health or behavioral issues that would impact your DHs career.

Yes you are also wealthy. A detached house, two expensive cars, kids in private school on one wage is the lifestyle of the wealthy today.