What is considered rich these days??

This exactly!

You do if you have your priorities in order.

For them, it's easy to pay for private school because they aren't wasting it in other places.

The fact that you won't even try to see that is quite troubling.

I’d say you’re well off not necessarily rich.

Your prerogative to be a SAHM but if your husband had an affair with a colleague tomorrow and left you, you wouldn’t be living the same lifestyle. I’d rather have less and it be genuinely all because of me working hard, not my husband who could leave tomorrow. He has worked hard to get you to where you are and you’ve supported that. More accurate than we have worked hard.

I’d call this as well offf and comfortable

because what if your dh lost his job …

id call it rich if you had millions in the bank so if circumstances change you’d always be financially sorted

if your sis in law says must be nice type comments
cant you just reply yes it is we are lucky ?

@Leopardspota”our huge outgoings - nursery fees/ mortgage for a 4 bed terr (7k per month) plus bills (1 or 2k) mean that our healthy income doesn’t feel like a lot at all”

Just because your money is easily spent doesn’t mean it still isn’t a lot though.

”do without” two weeks in IKOS in August, maybe.

@Heyhoherewego23 what is the “correct” way to hold a knife? (Which is an incredibly snobby thing to say btw) I hold it between my thumb and middle finger with my index finger on top. Isn’t that holding it like a pen?? Do people actually teach their kids how to “correctly” hold a knife or just be happy when they can use one independently? I can’t say I’ve ever even noticed how my 5 yo holds a knife, I’m just happy he’s able to cut up his food by himself now

OP does not need to “do without” fancy holidays to afford private school for 2 children on a package of at least £350k.

Nice try, but saying you go without to pay for private school and then say it’s ‘easily done’ on their income is a definite change in narrative.

If something is easy, you don’t ’go without’ for it.

@Soccermomsavestheday i think the issue is that these days ‘comfortable’ and not worrying financially is seen as a luxury only afforded to a few, therefore ‘rich’. The flashy types who splash their cash and have very high outgoings are seen as rich but in a different way - they aren’t as financially secure as their lives (real housewives style) are so expensive, even though they might actually have more cash.

also it’s the ‘creep’. His wages will have gone up over time as well as your outgoings. So you don’t really feel like you got loads, because youve become so used to it.

we are similar but live in London. Our huge outgoings - nursery fees/mortgage for a 4 bed terr (7k per month) plus bills (1 or 2k) mean that our healthy income doesn’t feel like a lot at all.

No change in narrative at all. Just a difference in reading comprehension.

You are looking to be "catching her out". How silly, juvenile and sad.

They do without fancy vacations and budget so they can pay for the school. Other people on that income would be gorging on takeouts, going out every weekend, buying designer everything, going abroad twice a year.

Maybe you thought what you thought because that's what you would do. It's not what others would do though.

Given that half of all marriages don't last, I sincerely hope that yours does. Because with such a huge gap on your CV and very little earning potential, if your DH decides to leave you, you'll be in trouble. I think it would be worth protecting yourself somehow in case something like that happens, maybe by getting a part time job to keep your hand in? But yes, of course you are rich and SIL is correct in that sense - although she shouldn't be rude!

We earn about £100k between us, and we do feel well off. Our mortgage is only £235pm and is almost paid off. Kids are grown up and self sufficient. Our outgoings are very low.

“Can I ask (genuinely) how you think I’ve lost touch and how I seem ignorant?”

Because you tried to reason that you weren’t that out of touch by saying that your second Range Rover was 5 years old. If you don’t know that regular people don’t buy brand new cars, or range rovers, or second cars then you are out of touch

This seems very specific…!

Why is pension the number one factor?!

And that is NOT what she said, AT ALL! But, when one looks to be offended, they usually don't need to look beyond themselves.

I find it hard to believe you are a lawyer...actually, maybe not since many of you do a business of blaming the victim as you defend a criminal.

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer might let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer knows how to make it last even longer.

Huge difference between rich and a good salary.

You might disagree but that doesn't make me wrong.

High income but in loads of debt because they can't manage their money doesn't mean that they are rich.

Yes but you don't work hard. Your husband does

Nailed it

Or need a vehicle with a good torque and power to tow a few tonnes……. Which is what they were designed for incidentally !

Pension is 10% paid by employer and then we can add a minimum of 5%, I do an extra 7% and I will increase this to 10% next year. Dh does 11% contribution. We get annual bonus of 8% of which I put into my pension and dh does half pension and half shares.

@Soccermomsavestheday
I would find it very hard to give money to my SIL if she spoke to me in such an insulting derogatory way about my finances.

She is very rude, and the one that is acting very entitled.

Maybe it’s time for you to put her in her place and remind her about the sacrifices you both had to make to get where you are today.

Thought you said you have to ‘go without’ to be able to pay for private school?

Why the change in narrative?

Thanks. I was going by what someone else said

but still should be and to pay for private leaving £100k spare to pay for mortgage bills etc

I would say you are minted.

As for your SIL's comments, they do seem a bit unncessary and possibly smack of jealousy. But it's clear you are not aware of your relative privilege so I can see why that would grate.

As many others have pointed out, you are very well off by most people's standards. There is no getting away from that.

However, I do think it's pretty rude for people in your life to make the sort of comments you describe, particularly if they do so repeatedly, so you're not unreasonable to be miffed about that!

You have chosen to spend lots of money on private education for your children, absorbing a significant proportion of your income and spending in a sweep each year more money than many people would have to live off. You have chosen not to work yourself when you could presumably significantly increase your household income if you chose, and this too is a luxury (not that running a household and supporting 3 children is 'easy' - I don't mean to disparage SAHMs - but there is a reality that not everyone can afford to be one). Clearly you could choose a very different lifestyle with thousands of pounds a month going on flashy stuff but you are making a decision to prioritise other things (a decision which sounds to me entirely sensible, incidentally - not that a stranger's opinion counts for anything!).

It really is all relative. I'm sure there are multimillionaires out there who still budget. There are not many people at a level of wealth which means they can do whatever they want without thinking about it. And yes, there are of course plenty of people wealthier than you with bigger, fancier houses and more expensive cars, and many of them probably don't feel wealthy either. People's financial horizons naturally adjust depending on what they are used to and what they see around them.