Adult children

some posters are being very dismissive of motherly concerns, a mother has every right to feel concerned about her teenage daughter’s choice in a partner and ask for advice in how to handle it.
At 19 It could be her first boyfriend, my young adult children would still need some guidance.
At 29 my experience and lifestyle meant I’d have nothing in common with a teenager. So I’d have definitely raised eyebrows if I’d dated a 19 year old.
you do need to go let them live their life, try keep communication open offer to meet them both for dinner, invite them together, you’re better supporting her decisions or you’ll push her away.

"Monitor"

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You can’t, don’t you remember being that age? Would you have listened to anyone, I wouldn’t of

If you are giving off vibes that you don’t approve, he won’t warm to you.
Someone her own age could hurt her every bit as much as someone older.
You can’t do anything to encourage her to leave him unless you want to push her away.
Love her and trust her and be there for her if things go wrong and she needs you - with any partner of any age.

Good thing that that information was provided, then.

I met my now husband when I was 20 and he was 36....22 years years later we have built a family, have a lovely home etc.
To be honest there was a huge power imbalance....my poor husband has suffered horribly over the years from being told what to do by me🤣
Seriously, young women are not all damsels in distress unable to make a rational decision for themselves.

Can’t comment without age and sex.

I had two similar aged boyfriends in my late teens/early twenties. One is amongst my closest friends over thirty years later. The other clearly had a thing for younger women and although I went to work abroad and left him, I know I would have aged out given time. He'll be in his sixties now, and although his GFs are no longer teenagers, the eldest wouldn't have been no more than thirty.
I changed a lot, whereas they were fully cooked and not what I wanted.
There isn't anything you can do to make them split directly, but I (have a DD the same age) would be encouraging opportunities and areas of personal growth for DD.
My DD can do a year abroad in a university or industry as part of her integrated Masters and I've said I'll help to make it happen. Can your DD do something similar?

You sound completely smothering and overbearing. I wouldn’t be surprised if your daughter is trying to distance herself from you.

Well that “howling” just makes you come across as extremely shallow and unkind. I have “aged badly” thanks to some serious health issues. The comments I’ve received from people along the lines that they almost didn’t recognise me when they haven’t seen me for decades says more about them that it ever will about me and the change in my looks.

im not sure it is massively different at all

All the more reason not to let him divide you. Accept it and keep your relationship with your daughter.

Of course it’s her business when her child is still only a young adult and there will very likely be a power imbalance. Of course on mumsnet though, no one parents their kids past 16. 🙄

I think just try to keep communication OP. Encourage her to do things with friends, on her own, with family, talk about her future career, travel etc so that this man doesn’t become all she has.

I’d be highly suspicious of any 29 year old wanting to date a 19 year old.

Is he actually distancing her though or is it just that her time is taken up because she as at Uni.

Have you actually met him and how long have they been together. Do you have much going on in your own life? My niece and her DD are very close, she was a single parent and as much as I love them both it’s an unhealthy enmeshed relationship. My great niece was 30 this year and my niece was outraged her DD fiancé got her a bouquet because she wanted to be the only one who gave her one. Don’t be that Mother.

Unless your children are in danger you have to let them make their own mistakes. Parenting adult children is worse as there is no control over what they do at all in anything really.

I understand why you feel concerned, but at that age you have to let her make her own choices and just be there for her if she needs. Trying to stop the relationship will damage your relationship with her.

As a mum you don’t stop worrying. I’m certainly still giving my 26 year old relationship advice but it’s she who asks for it. I can’t do much if she doesn’t. I actually would quite like her to date someone a few years older because her last boyfriend was 4 years younger and he was immature and it resulted in problems.

She’s an adult!
You need to focus on your own life OP

If she’s happy what’s the problem? Let her live her life!

You need to step back. You are overstepping and encroaching on boundaries and that's not cool.

You don't get to make her life choices for her any more. It is the hard part of being the parent of a young adult.

I wouldn’t like it either. 19 is still very young I’d rather they dated someone closer to ages and experience.

Is he stopping your DD see you or other friends of hers?