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AIBU?

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Original poster

…to want my cake tin back?!

156 replies

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:00

DH made a cake a while ago that he took to his sister’s, in the baking tin 🙄 he left the tin there. I then went to make a cake a few weeks later and couldn’t find the tin anywhere, which was very irritating as I was mid way through baking. Realised what had happened, and that he’d obviously left it at his sister’s. It’s a 20cm cake tin, but a good quality one.

Anyway, he met up with his sister yesterday and she gave him the tin back - but it’s not my one! It’s a cheap poundland one! Just thin aluminium, not my nice thick one.

Is it ridiculously petty to ask for mine back? It’s the same size, so I can imagine it would look petty. But not all cake tins are created equal! Maybe I am being unreasonably irritated about this. What would you do? Would you accept the tin with a smile? Would you say something? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/03/2026 17:33

Also OP if she’s a baker, she would want her own tin back. I would offer to go to her if you can rather than ask her to drop to you, that way you can offer to have a look at her tins and pick out yours. (And the white lie that it was a gift would work)

Isthisright220 · 07/03/2026 17:32

HATE it when people keep things like this. also, she clearly knows what she’s doing

GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 07/03/2026 17:32

Just be factual - same size, black but the metal is thicker which I prefer

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/03/2026 17:31

OP you are overthinking ! “Hi SIL, just checked the cake tin DH picked up for yours but it’s the wrong one, you must have given me one of yours by mistake! I need to go to xxx tomorrow so can pop in on my way for a quick tin swap if that’s ok. Let me know when you’re around.”

(have assumed his sister lives relatively close so it’s somewhere you could reasonably be going past/near when on way to somewhere else)

FOJN · 07/03/2026 17:31

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:25

Absolutely. Thank you for the validation!

Show quote history

Lie and tell her it was a gift from someone if that makes it easier.

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:31

GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 07/03/2026 17:24

Just say ‘sorry Sarah I think you grabbed the wrong cake tin as this isn’t mine. I’d prefer mine back if you could pop it round - it’s my favourite!’

Your husband is only being dismissive because it’s not an item he likes and uses much. If it was something he preferred he would be round there getting it back.

If she has lots of cake tins she is a baker.. so should understand why you want yours back. She’s also the one who has nicked the better tin so don’t be embarrassed.

Dont make it a big deal. It’s your favourite because it works the best with your recipes not because it’s more expensive.

Edited
Show quote history

Yeah, this sounds like a measured response. It was more my DH saying she had lots of tins that size, so it’s kind of hard to explain to him why it feels wrong. And it is quite hard to describe a cake tin! If I say ‘much thicker metal’ maybe that’s the best I can do? I got it ages ago, so not something I can link to.

OP posts:
Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:25

FOJN · 07/03/2026 17:16

My cake tins never leave my house either. I'd be worried about someone cutting a cake whilst it was still on the base or putting it in the dishwasher. I'm not fussy about many things but I like kitchen kit that works and lasts so I do pay extra for quality and look after it.

Absolutely. Thank you for the validation!

OP posts:
GoldenCupsatHarvestTime · 07/03/2026 17:24

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:10

I feel embarrassed because it’s the same size! So I think it would be evidence of me being fussy/ rude/ finding fault with things - as if I’m saying ‘this cheapo one isn’t mine - I wouldn’t use a cake tin like this’.

DH said ‘she has lots of cake tins, so how could she tell them apart?’ I feel unnecessarily stressed by this.

Just say ‘sorry Sarah I think you grabbed the wrong cake tin as this isn’t mine. I’d prefer mine back if you could pop it round - it’s my favourite!’

Your husband is only being dismissive because it’s not an item he likes and uses much. If it was something he preferred he would be round there getting it back.

If she has lots of cake tins she is a baker.. so should understand why you want yours back. She’s also the one who has nicked the better tin so don’t be embarrassed.

Dont make it a big deal. It’s your favourite because it works the best with your recipes not because it’s more expensive.

8misskitty8 · 07/03/2026 17:23

Just text her and say DH brought the wrong tin back so your going to pop round and get the correct one.

YerMotherWasAHamster · 07/03/2026 17:21

It's not petty at all and you should message her with a photo of the tin and say your husband picked up the wrong cake tin the other day. Describe yours and say he'll pop over to switch them with her.

Pokko · 07/03/2026 17:18

Yes this would irritate a lot of bakers.
We buy good quality baking items because they give us pleasure.
Text her and send your husband to return and collect yours.

FOJN · 07/03/2026 17:16

My cake tins never leave my house either. I'd be worried about someone cutting a cake whilst it was still on the base or putting it in the dishwasher. I'm not fussy about many things but I like kitchen kit that works and lasts so I do pay extra for quality and look after it.

Createausername1970 · 07/03/2026 17:15

I wouldn't be very happy and this is on DH to sort out or replace.

Is there a hobby or something you could equate it to?

So if you, without asking him, lent his prized 9 iron club and he got a cheap putter back, would he be happy? (Apologies if a 9 iron is a putter, these are terms I have plucked out of the ether).

NewPinkJacket · 07/03/2026 17:14

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:10

I feel embarrassed because it’s the same size! So I think it would be evidence of me being fussy/ rude/ finding fault with things - as if I’m saying ‘this cheapo one isn’t mine - I wouldn’t use a cake tin like this’.

DH said ‘she has lots of cake tins, so how could she tell them apart?’ I feel unnecessarily stressed by this.

Ridiculous.

Is your SIL this highly-strung too?

Or is she likely to react completely normally, apologise and look for the tin?

BarbiesDreamHome · 07/03/2026 17:13

NewPinkJacket · 07/03/2026 17:12

Why would she need to 'confront' her rather than fling off a quick text, pointing out the mistake?

Show quote history

Because its definitely deliberate. Why wasn't it washed and set aside to be returned?

FuriousInventions · 07/03/2026 17:13

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:10

I feel embarrassed because it’s the same size! So I think it would be evidence of me being fussy/ rude/ finding fault with things - as if I’m saying ‘this cheapo one isn’t mine - I wouldn’t use a cake tin like this’.

DH said ‘she has lots of cake tins, so how could she tell them apart?’ I feel unnecessarily stressed by this.

She can definitely tell them apart OP. And you’re not saying “this cheapo one isn’t mine, I’d never use one of these” - you’re saying it’s not yours because it isn’t!

outerspacepotato · 07/03/2026 17:12

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:10

I feel embarrassed because it’s the same size! So I think it would be evidence of me being fussy/ rude/ finding fault with things - as if I’m saying ‘this cheapo one isn’t mine - I wouldn’t use a cake tin like this’.

DH said ‘she has lots of cake tins, so how could she tell them apart?’ I feel unnecessarily stressed by this.

Just tell her she have him the wrong one and you want yours. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, well, maybe for her if she's trying to get you to accept a shoddy thing instead of the nice one you had.

FOJN · 07/03/2026 17:12

BarbiesDreamHome · 07/03/2026 17:10

It's also definitely deliberate because if she bakes she knows the difference.

Ask next time you're there. Bring it with you and surprise her. "Hi SIL, you returned this one by mistake, I can help you find the right one now."

Edited

OP's husband made a cake and took it to his sister's in the cake tin. The sister did not borrow the cake tin.

NewPinkJacket · 07/03/2026 17:12

BarbiesDreamHome · 07/03/2026 17:08

I'd ask DH to pay for a new one out of his money or you'll need to confront her about it and for his sake it would be easier to avoid the hassle.

Why would she need to 'confront' her rather than fling off a quick text, pointing out the mistake?

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:12

FuriousInventions · 07/03/2026 17:06

I’d be cross too! My cake tins do not leave the house, for this very reason. All cake tins are definitely not created equal. The last person I lent one to, put it in the dishwasher and it’s not been the same since.
Yes, absolutely ask for yours back - and if she’s damaged it/“lost” it, send her a link to one of similar quality that she can order for you.

Urgh this would annoy me so much! (The dishwasher thing).

OP posts:
BarbiesDreamHome · 07/03/2026 17:10

It's also definitely deliberate because if she bakes she knows the difference.

Ask next time you're there. Bring it with you and surprise her. "Hi SIL, you returned this one by mistake, I can help you find the right one now."

Realscottishhaggis · 07/03/2026 17:10

I would want something in return that was equally as nice if I couldn’t find the cake tin that I had borrowed there is a chance she didn’t realise your tin was expensive

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:10

I feel embarrassed because it’s the same size! So I think it would be evidence of me being fussy/ rude/ finding fault with things - as if I’m saying ‘this cheapo one isn’t mine - I wouldn’t use a cake tin like this’.

DH said ‘she has lots of cake tins, so how could she tell them apart?’ I feel unnecessarily stressed by this.

OP posts:
BarbiesDreamHome · 07/03/2026 17:08

I'd ask DH to pay for a new one out of his money or you'll need to confront her about it and for his sake it would be easier to avoid the hassle.

AntiqueBabyLoanSmurf · 07/03/2026 17:07

Do you think it was a deliberate switch - that she thought she'd hang on to your quality one and 'replace' it with something that technically meets the same minimum requirements?

Or does she have several cake tins, knew that she owed you one back, and just grabbed one at random from her stack?