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AIBU?

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Original poster

…to want my cake tin back?!

156 replies

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:00

DH made a cake a while ago that he took to his sister’s, in the baking tin 🙄 he left the tin there. I then went to make a cake a few weeks later and couldn’t find the tin anywhere, which was very irritating as I was mid way through baking. Realised what had happened, and that he’d obviously left it at his sister’s. It’s a 20cm cake tin, but a good quality one.

Anyway, he met up with his sister yesterday and she gave him the tin back - but it’s not my one! It’s a cheap poundland one! Just thin aluminium, not my nice thick one.

Is it ridiculously petty to ask for mine back? It’s the same size, so I can imagine it would look petty. But not all cake tins are created equal! Maybe I am being unreasonably irritated about this. What would you do? Would you accept the tin with a smile? Would you say something? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Tink3rbell30 · 07/03/2026 18:09

What a fuss. Just say that it isn't your tin and you'll come and grab your one later/tomorrow!

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 18:04

ShodAndShadySenators · 07/03/2026 17:59

If she can be a bit difficult I can see why you'd hesitate to send a quick message of the sort people are suggesting. It's simple when your relatives are easy-going and pleasant, you don't struggle to find the right approach as you can just ask without over-thinking it. But tricksy people need more subtle handling don't they...

Bright and breezy while hinting that DH has been the klutz in the situation, to try to avoid her taking the inference that you think she pinched your quality one? (I'd be maddened if I loaned someone my Felco secateurs and they returned a pair of ordinary made-in-China-not-Switzerland ones, so I totally get the stress of it!)

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Thank you very much! It is exactly this.

OP posts:
NewPinkJacket · 07/03/2026 18:01

Far too sensible @JustSawJohnny

Won't someone think of the drama!

JustSawJohnny · 07/03/2026 18:00

Why didn't you just say it wasn't your tin?

Just message her and say 'Sorry, just realised this isn't my tin. Can you find mine out please and I'll pop round and swap it'.

ShodAndShadySenators · 07/03/2026 17:59

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:37

She wouldn’t want this tin back! It’s not a good one. Yes, going through her stuff would be the best way to identify it. But she is very inhospitable and doesn’t like having people over (that’s a whole other story, though).

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If she can be a bit difficult I can see why you'd hesitate to send a quick message of the sort people are suggesting. It's simple when your relatives are easy-going and pleasant, you don't struggle to find the right approach as you can just ask without over-thinking it. But tricksy people need more subtle handling don't they...

Bright and breezy while hinting that DH has been the klutz in the situation, to try to avoid her taking the inference that you think she pinched your quality one? (I'd be maddened if I loaned someone my Felco secateurs and they returned a pair of ordinary made-in-China-not-Switzerland ones, so I totally get the stress of it!)

Gingercar · 07/03/2026 17:59

If it’s going to be hard work getting it back I’d just buy yourself a new quality one on your husband’s credit card. And tell him to not ever take it out of his house again.

(and surely she knows which tin was yours, she’d have washed it. There wouldn’t have been any need to put it with all her tins..)

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/03/2026 17:58

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:37

She wouldn’t want this tin back! It’s not a good one. Yes, going through her stuff would be the best way to identify it. But she is very inhospitable and doesn’t like having people over (that’s a whole other story, though).

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Then better - say you are passing and you’ll drop her tin and collect yours- and say in your message you are happy to go through her pile of tins to pick out yours if she’s not sure which it is. If she hates having people over I’m sure she’s more likely to have it ready at the door.

SunnyRedSnail · 07/03/2026 17:47

8misskitty8 · 07/03/2026 17:23

Just text her and say DH brought the wrong tin back so your going to pop round and get the correct one.

^ This!

If she replies saying it was the right one, just say "I'm afraid it wasn't. DH wouldn't know the difference (duh!), but I spent a lot of time finding "the right one" so would rather have my original one back thanks!!".

Just keep it light hearted.

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:46

Cyclingmummy1 · 07/03/2026 17:40

I loaned a good friend a flan dish. It came back with a cut mark on the base. I never felt the same towards her again.

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Ooh I would have been seriously annoyed by this too!

OP posts:
Mithral · 07/03/2026 17:46

I love that DH (who lived with the special cake tin) didn't notice it was wrong and nobody thinks that's unlikely. But the SIL is assumed by everyone to be a thieving sneaky bitch who is deliberately trying to keep a better cake tin. The poor woman doesn't bake, she probably has no clue!

Just ask for it back jesus fucking Christ this place is ridiculous.

BarbiesDreamHome · 07/03/2026 17:45

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:31

Yeah, this sounds like a measured response. It was more my DH saying she had lots of tins that size, so it’s kind of hard to explain to him why it feels wrong. And it is quite hard to describe a cake tin! If I say ‘much thicker metal’ maybe that’s the best I can do? I got it ages ago, so not something I can link to.

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Just turn up on the doorstep woth the shit tin and say DH brought it back bit he's obviously confused so youve dropped by to swap it back because it's obviously not yours. Men, eh! Can't tell the difference!

outofsounds · 07/03/2026 17:44

If a cake tin of mine leaves the house I put a very big label on it with my name in capitals!

MachineBee · 07/03/2026 17:43

This is why I never delegate jobs. You’re going to have to go round to get your back.

BarbiesDreamHome · 07/03/2026 17:42

FOJN · 07/03/2026 17:12

OP's husband made a cake and took it to his sister's in the cake tin. The sister did not borrow the cake tin.

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I know, it was left there. But SIL either bakes herself because has enough cake tins to confuse it with or she has deliberately tried to steal it/has broken it and is deliverately sending a cheap one back.

Pokko · 07/03/2026 17:41

Why on earth are you gifting suchba person a home made cake?!

FuriousInventions · 07/03/2026 17:41

It’s akin to her leaving a cashmere cardigan from M&S round yours when she comes to visit, and you returning a cheap acrylic cardigan in the same size from Shein to her when she asks for it back.

viques · 07/03/2026 17:40

GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:10

I feel embarrassed because it’s the same size! So I think it would be evidence of me being fussy/ rude/ finding fault with things - as if I’m saying ‘this cheapo one isn’t mine - I wouldn’t use a cake tin like this’.

DH said ‘she has lots of cake tins, so how could she tell them apart?’ I feel unnecessarily stressed by this.

Well the fact that she sent back the Poundland one shows she can distinguish one from the other!

Cyclingmummy1 · 07/03/2026 17:40

FOJN · 07/03/2026 17:16

My cake tins never leave my house either. I'd be worried about someone cutting a cake whilst it was still on the base or putting it in the dishwasher. I'm not fussy about many things but I like kitchen kit that works and lasts so I do pay extra for quality and look after it.

I loaned a good friend a flan dish. It came back with a cut mark on the base. I never felt the same towards her again.

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:40

BeanQuisine · 07/03/2026 17:38

To avoid a scene, you could hire a skilled private agent like Simon Templar to sneak into her house, find your cake tin and replace it with hers, then sneak out again.

If he's in a good mood he might do it for a case or two of fine Cognac.

I think this might be the route I have to go down. I may have to have a Cognac myself now out of compassion for my poor nerves.

OP posts:
PeloMom · 07/03/2026 17:39

You’re massively overreacting. It’s not your tin- just tell her. If yours was a certain brand or had a particular mark, tell her so she can look for it

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:39

Also, I don’t believe she does do a lot of baking. I’ve never had anything she’s baked! So maybe she genuinely can’t tell the tins apart, which is why trying to describe it to a non-baker is difficult. Sigh.

OP posts:
BeanQuisine · 07/03/2026 17:38

To avoid a scene, you could hire a skilled private agent like Simon Templar to sneak into her house, find your cake tin and replace it with hers, then sneak out again.

If he's in a good mood he might do it for a case or two of fine Cognac.

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:37

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 07/03/2026 17:33

Also OP if she’s a baker, she would want her own tin back. I would offer to go to her if you can rather than ask her to drop to you, that way you can offer to have a look at her tins and pick out yours. (And the white lie that it was a gift would work)

She wouldn’t want this tin back! It’s not a good one. Yes, going through her stuff would be the best way to identify it. But she is very inhospitable and doesn’t like having people over (that’s a whole other story, though).

OP posts:
likelysuspect · 07/03/2026 17:36

I cant believe you're even asking this question, whats wrong with you

OF COURSE you want your own tin back, I pay a fortune for my myriad of tins and they're MINE!

Original poster
GimmeMyCakeTin · 07/03/2026 17:35

Isthisright220 · 07/03/2026 17:32

HATE it when people keep things like this. also, she clearly knows what she’s doing

Yes! I’ve had similar before with cutlery - bringing extra cutlery for a party, and then being given crappy cutlery back. Not all forks and spoons or metalware are the same! 😩

OP posts: