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Original poster

I can't talk about peri-menopause with my partner.

158 replies

Anon543210 · 07/03/2026 15:45

I'm a 41 year old (f) and been having lots of peri symptoms for the past year now including brain fog, irritability, hot flashes among a few other symptoms. I haven't been to the doctors because a lot of the symptoms I can manage without medication.
Now here's whats making me really angry and I want to know who is BU I'm prepared to be told I am.
So yesterday my partner asked me if I could put this little gammon ham in the oven for him in the morning when I got up so he could have gammon sandwiches when the football started at 3pm, so I said to him last nignt before we got in bed please remind me when I get up in the morning and he said he would all fine....or so I thought.
Anyway I get up this morning and obviously I'm not thinking of gammon ham as soon as a open my eyes, I get up and start getting on with my morning have a cup of tea, take the dog out for a walk etc. It gets to 3pm and he pipes up "what happened to my gammon ham?"
I said "you never reminded me and obviously I forgot" he said "you're a grown adult you shouldn't need reminding, at least that's what you say to me sometimes" I said "thats different I'm going through peri and suffer with brain fog, you know this" he raised his voice slightly and said "you haven't even been diagnosed by a doctor, its just you coming up with excuses" I said to him "I don't need to be diagnosed it goes off symptoms and do you really think I want to be this way?" He gets so stubborn when it comes to anything to do with womens health which i just usually brush off as him being a typical man amd not really understanding womens health. But today this has made me so so angry I basically told him that hes made me feel like a right horrible cow now forgetting to do that for him and him bringing it up when it was too late. I also offered to do it now but he said its too late now and we will have it another day. I know this also gets said a lot of mumsnet but he is genuinely a good and nice man in every other aspect its just this 1 area that is now starting to grate on me so much that I'm actually irrationally questioning my whole 12 and a half year relationship which obviously once I've had a chance to calm down I will realise I was just too angry but at the moment I'm not speaking to him because I'm that angry its also my time of the month at the moment so I'm guessing thats heightening my emotions.

OP posts:
Naunet · 07/03/2026 16:15

Anon543210 · 07/03/2026 16:04

You're right its not the point.
But to answer your question I am the cook in the house always have been without blowing my own trumpet I'm the better cook. He does cook sometimes but when he cooks it will be something he can chuck in the oven or the airfryer usually UPF. I enjoy cooking and it is 1 of my live languages making him food trying different recipes and cooking from scratch. So I prefer to cook.

Show quote history

And he has the nerve to remind you that you're a grown adult?

INX · 07/03/2026 16:08

This genuinely good and nice man, acted like a genuine wanker.

But aside from that, just a few points...

  1. Don't just assume everything is down to peri menopause as this is what I did, and a blood test later also turned up a very under active thyroid (symptoms are very similar to peri).
  2. Do yourself a favour and write everything down that you need to remember, this has been a lifesaver for me both at home and at work.
  3. There was no need to tell us you're female.
  4. Of course you're the better cook because you do ALL the cooking in the house 🙄

ETA: Number 4.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 07/03/2026 16:08

Hollowvoice · 07/03/2026 15:55

It's not really the point but why on earth couldn't he cook his own gammon?

This. He clearly forgot about it too and just wants to blame you. I hate people who try to outsource their thinking.

nopalite · 07/03/2026 16:06

Firstly, why didn’t he cook his own sodding gammon?!

How does he best process information? If you can’t talk to him, would he read some information or watch a video on YouTube?

I’d explain this is something you are finding difficult and distressing and you really need his support. If he completely shuts you down and refuses to listen/read/think about then he’s not a great guy.

Original poster
Anon543210 · 07/03/2026 16:06

skiqueen20 · 07/03/2026 15:54

I’m going through it so know how you feel.

My husband doesn’t understand it really and I’m sure he just thinks I’m turning into a shouting, emotional, forgetful lunatic. Ive tried to explain it to him but it’s honestly going in one ear and out the other. I’m older than you and I’ve put off going to the doctors for various reasons but have bitten the bullet and have an appointment booked.
I know you’re younger but may be worth booking in and getting tested to see if HRT is available.

The thing that really pisses me off is the fact he thinks I'm just making excuses like i want to be like this i really don't im sure he thinks im making it all up which again i really wish I was.

OP posts:
Original poster
Anon543210 · 07/03/2026 16:04

Hollowvoice · 07/03/2026 15:55

It's not really the point but why on earth couldn't he cook his own gammon?

You're right its not the point.
But to answer your question I am the cook in the house always have been without blowing my own trumpet I'm the better cook. He does cook sometimes but when he cooks it will be something he can chuck in the oven or the airfryer usually UPF. I enjoy cooking and it is 1 of my live languages making him food trying different recipes and cooking from scratch. So I prefer to cook.

OP posts:
Hollowvoice · 07/03/2026 15:55

It's not really the point but why on earth couldn't he cook his own gammon?

skiqueen20 · 07/03/2026 15:54

I’m going through it so know how you feel.

My husband doesn’t understand it really and I’m sure he just thinks I’m turning into a shouting, emotional, forgetful lunatic. Ive tried to explain it to him but it’s honestly going in one ear and out the other. I’m older than you and I’ve put off going to the doctors for various reasons but have bitten the bullet and have an appointment booked.
I know you’re younger but may be worth booking in and getting tested to see if HRT is available.