To not sit with dying parent? May be upsetting.

It can take several weeks from the point you’re at, OP.

Go home, be there for your kids and pets. Explain to work that you’ve been there all weekend, he’s still ill but the timeline is unknown so you needed a bit of normality but may need to go again at short notice.

Beng able to stay overnight with a dying loved one is comparatively recent unless they are at home. Both my grandmother and my father died during the night when we were not there. My grandmother in law actually sent me away and from the last conversation we had, I genuinely believe she wanted to be alone to let go of her life. My grandmother died when I was a child so I wasn't much involved in her care but we visited and sat with my Dad during visiting hours. It was simple chance that I was there when my mum died, again no facility for overnight stay. Both my Dad and my Mum were heavily sedated. I have heard the comment many times that people somehow know and wait until they are alone to die. I think there is truth in it. In your shoes I would do what feels right for you and care for the living who need you too.

Nothing new to add here OP, but didn’t want read and run. You sound very level headed, and so whatever choice you make will be okay. It will soon be over for your father, so do what feels right for you now. From your posts, I feel that even if you question this with yourself later, you are self aware enough to know that you did as much as you could do, given all of the circumstances 💐

Is he having morphine via a syringe driver?
my dad only lasted 2 days once that was fitted.

He didn’t wake up for more that a few seconds once he had that.

This. My mum died a year ago. On her last day we were all there at various points throughout the day. My brother was the last to leave, around 10:30pm. She died and hour later. I really think that even when they're not aware they wait until they're alone to die.
You don't have to stay, your dad's not really there anymore, it's just about if you want to be there for your mum.
As others have said you can just stay close by rather than at your mum's. It is hard I get it but you need to put yourself first. I would suggest you do whatever makes you feel best.
With regards to your teen and pets is there any chance his dad will give him a lift to feed pets/check on the house? Are you planning for your teen to come down at all?

I think if it was imminent they would find him his own room as a matter of urgency. My MIL passed away on similar circumstances recently.

It's ok to say goodbye to him and go home. You don't need to go back to work straight away.

This.

We lost much-loved FIL recently. For about three weeks we knew he was dying and we and other siblings took turns to visit. Even so it wasn't feasible to have someone there 24/7.

As he neared the end he was probably unaware who was there for most of the time anyway.
DH and I were there at the moment he died, but that was more by chance than because we had kept a bedside vigil. I don't think he knew we were there by that stage.

My Mum went slowly, my MIL went fast. My Mum was surrounded by family, my MIL died alone despite having family with her a lot. My FIL had just been called into a meeting with the staff so her death at that moment was very unexpected. We were due to drive over at lunch time as the hospice staff believed she still had time. We were there every day. We were close to our Mums who were lovely. Yours is a different situation.

You do whatever makes you comfortable. Don't be pressured into doing anything you don't want. If you don't want to go into work, don't go in.

Only you can know what's best for you, but it can be hard to know. I very much wanted to sit with my father when he died, and was dissuaded by my stupid stepmother. Admittedly the state of him was horrific, but I still deeply regret not telling her to fuck off. I never saw him again after an uneventful afternoon in Waterstones.

OP, I feel for you.
You have probably been low key grieving for years for the relationship and tough upbringing.

I don't think you owe either of your parents zny support to be honest after what you have written.

I certainly wouldn't be inconveniencing your child for them.

Head off home. You'll hear the news and decide if you will visit at some point in the future.

I certainly wouldn't dream of staying in such a house.

You can say whatever works for you, he's stabilised a bit and they've said it could go on for a while so I've no choice but to return to normal and wait for news, other members of the family who live nearby are taking care of visiting. Just because people are out parents doesn't mean we owe them things we don't want to give, it sounds like you had a lot of unmet needs as a young person, they chose to take on the role of parents and let you down, you don't have to meet any of their needs now, pay attention to what makes this better for you, will it be an easier outcome for you if you stay with him and feel peace or do you not need that? If not, make your peace your own way and respect your own needs

You need what you need OP. Your employer will understand. I took a week off in Jan 25 purely because my Dad was impacting my MH to such a degree I could not function. I then needed time off when he died in the March. This is as I said a totally personal and individual journey xx

'oh he isn't dead yet, but I've come back as didn't want to sit with him anymore.'

But that isn't it, dying can take time, he might not go this week or next, or he might go today. Tell them your mum is with him and you needed to get back for your DC, that is perfectly understandable, or tell them nothing. Don't worry about what others may or may not be thinking

Maybe say your mum wants to be with him after you took the weekend shift of keeping him Company, and you would rather be distracted by work than sit alone at home?

“My Dad is still very unwell and still in hospital”.
Change subject.
But take the time off- complex grief is very hard to express to people who aren’t familiar with it or know about your own history with family. Look after yourself x

Sympathy, OP. It's a very difficult time. Any chance you could work remotely? It might be a distraction apart from anything else.

Don't feel guilty, you're not obliged to sit there for hours on end. You've said your goodbyes and that's okay, you've done more than you need to.

Don't stay in their house, it won't help you or them.

He is unlikely to be alone in his final moments, we were called to MIL at short notice and there was a nurse with her holding her hand until we arrived.

I agree. I sat with both of my parents for hours and hours but they both died in the minutes I was away from their bedside. If he’s unconscious he will be unaware of who is there. When people reach the point of death I don’t believe they know or care they are alone. I think it’s the living who feel it.

I sat with my mum all day when she was dying. She didn't die until we had all left. My dad and brother were still in the hospital, I was in the car park with DS and other family members. Dad and bro returned to be with her just in time but it wasn't for her, it was for them. She was dying but I swear she knew somehow that we were all there with her and it stopped her from going. I know that sounds woo but I do believe it.

I understand you don’t know what to do with yourself.
eg Monday- got to work, colleague asks “how are you/good weekend?”
Agree with others, look after yourself and be prepared with stock replies to stop any enquiries/follow on questions- not everyone needs to know the complexities of your situation, however well meaning they are.