To not sit with dying parent? May be upsetting.

I'm sorry for your loss OP. I've recently lost my Dad who was on end of life care, he passed after 3 days. It's one of the hardest times. You did what you needed to do, it's always good to look after yourself during this hard time as well. Sending love and hugs ❤️

My MIL kept going for over 12 days. barbaric.

I am sorry for your loss OP. The feeling of release and closure is very usual and human. When you know that someone is dying the waiting is hard.

SOME people........

I chose not to be there. I am not angry, guilty or stressed.

If you bothered to read all the OP's comments, her Father has passed already.

No one can make you, but believe me when I say people who missed the opportunity to be there are still angry, guilty and stressed about it years later.

I'm so sorry.

So sorry for your loss. Take care.

Im so sorry. Your dad clearly waited until you’d left. Very normal. Love to you

God bless you OP.
You were a very generous and forgiving daughter.
You mind yourself carefully and be very kind to yourself.

I am sorry for your loss and glad that you had spent time with him and said your goodbyes. Wishing you all peace and strength through this raw time 💐🥰

I'm sorry for your loss and glad you got to spend time together. I'm also glad this didn't drag on for you all making everything harder.

Your DM will need time and space, as you do but it's good you are able to visit again tomorrow to show her your support.

Take time today to look after yourself. I can imagine tomorrow could be tough.

Sorry for your loss, please don’t feel guilty at all in the coming days because reading your story I thought perhaps you hadn’t visited or only spent a short time. It sounds like you spent a long time there and did all you could. Your dad passed relatively quickly too, my dad took nearly a week on morphine / unconscious to finally slip away, I’m certain it happened when I was watching big brother on the telly which he despised lol
good wishes to you for the coming days and weeks with the funeral etc, sounds harsh to say but at least he slipped away quite quickly, he wasn’t coming back from that place, the only way forward was to peacefully pass

I'm very sorry to read this. Take care.

Just read your update OO. So sorry for
your loss.

.

I am so sorry 💐

I hope this story helps you feel better about your decision. My mum was violent and emotionally abusive when I was a kid. Dad was avoidant and verbally abusive when asked to deal with Mum’s behaviour. Also both co-dependent. As an adult, the violence stopped but the emotional abuse kicked up exponentially. I moved to the other side of the world with my DH and little kids. When Dad was dying, my mum sat outside on the verandah reading murder mysteries and chain smoking when she wasn’t gambling at the pub. She would sit for hours on the phone to everyone playing the victim while I was looking after him for the last 12 weeks of his life. When she was dying I did the same. She lost her filter and other people saw and heard how she REALLY was with me.

Now, a decade after all of this, I can honestly say that even though I did what I thought was the right thing to do, I regret every single second I took away from my lovely husband and kids to give to two people who took it for granted and had no genuine connection to me or my life. All I ended up with was a re-exacerbation of my childhood PTSD

Watching someone die stays with you forever. As much as I might not want to die alone, i also wouldn't want to inflict witnessing it on anyone that I love so perhaps this was an act of love on his part, waiting for you to leave before drifting away. I hope the coming few weeks are not too awful for you and your family.

Wish you well OP and take care of yourself

So sorry to hear this. As you say you have closure now. Treat yourself kindly whatever you need to do next. X 💐

Many people die when their loved ones leave their side for a moment. I think it might be a need to die in private. Don't worry about him dying alone. You have to be around for the living, including yourself x

When my df went into hospital before he died he was unconscious, my dm didn't visit him for two days. It was so weird but I think she was scared of being there when he died, she wasn't ready. It was a lot to process.

After the third day me and my sister and our adult dcs took it in turns to take dm to sit with df.
I can't remember the timeline now but the night he died we left at 10pm then for a call at 1am to say his breathing has changed and to get there asap.
We didn't make it in time and he died on his own before we got there.

My point is that you can't predict when it's going to happen and being there 24/7 won't matter, you could pop out to the loo and he passes then.

So don't feel mean or bad, I personally don't think df knew we were there by the last day anyway.

OP, it is often incredibly traumatic to sit for days beside a dying parent. And probably not what the person would actually want.
Your relationship with him doesn't make it less difficult, it just makes it different. So dont feel like there's some wierd emotional fraud going on.

On Monday, call your boss (or message tomorrow or whatever), and say you can't make it to work: you dont have to lie and say youre at the hospital with him, nobody decent is going to begrudge you time to recover. Take the day to do whatever you want- have a lie in and watch tv, bed rot, order takeaway, go for a walk, clean your windows, plant some seeds, write a Eulogy, donestic admin... just whatever.

When my DF died it was about 10 days of no fluids, a week after they administered the meds that dry secretions etc. Probably 5 days of the stop..... start breathing. And, of course, he passed away on the morning I slept in so wasn't quite there in time.