To be absolutely fed up with a 'friend' in our group

Unfortunately we had to do this in book club. Someone’s husband mentioned it to a colleague and she was a nightmare. Took it far too seriously and actually started telling people off for going off topic (and we are there more for the social side and def don’t take it too seriously), so we told a fib and said we didn’t have time for it anymore, then started a new WhatsApp without her. She wasn’t a friend of any of us and we didn’t want the drama (or to be scolded like we were at school!)
I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, I very much doubt having a word would result in her suddenly finding her manners, she is who she is!

Would the less confident members be okay with at the next full group meeting agreeing by majority vote rules for the original what's app group as suggested by pp, but also agreeing a driving rota, new members process, etc.

She sounds desperately lonely, totally unself aware and like she was dumped on you by the original member who was likely struggling to cope on her. Have you asked why she brought her?

She's gotten used to treating you all that way so would be hard to stop. I'd start a new WhatsApp if i were you.

Iv binned off similar people previously! My mother is so bad for this, expects the world, never says please or thank you, wish I could bin her off also 😅

I would give her a chance, clearly pointing out the issues, and asking her for her opinion. This would give her the opportunity to make you aware of any genuine issues, for example, she doesn't offer to drive as her car is unreliable, or she replies quickly to texts and hadn't realised it came across as rude, but she'll make sure to be polite from now on. If she's just socially awkward/oblivious, this gives her the chance to improve. If she flies into a rage/isn't willing to modify her behaviour, then it's all sorted-you can just continue without her, knowing you did your best.

Dont worry that you might upset her. Oxygen thieves ( that’s what I call these people) are so thick skin it’s water off a ducks back.
More than likely this isn’t the first group she’s ponced off.

Did you get the swimming and other gear back?

New group was the only option. Once a relationship is soured it can't be undone. Even if she tried to behave better, there would be resentment on both sides, then people will start dropping out. Deff new rule on new group no adding others without agreement.
Successful groups grow organically, you can't force it.

Make it clear it’s her turn to drive and start a petrol kitty. If you’re all contributing then she can’t say anything and if she’s not contributing to either driving or the petrol then she doesn’t come. You all have to be in agreement that that’s the fair thing to do so she can’t manipulate the ones most likely to break. If she doesn’t keep to it, start an alternative group that doesn’t include her and disband the original group. But be up front with her first because some CF are oblivious to their behaviour if no one ever points it out.

Do a variation of this. Be proactive and say some like, Really looking forward to all our upcoming walks as the weather improves. Just to clarify expectations for old and new members of the group, lift sharing will continue but where this isn't possible, financial contributions will be expected. Equipment may be shared but must be returned. Etc.

@FierceForester90You've done the absolute right thing for you and the other members of the group. I think what this scenario & this thread has demonstrated, is that there is no universal ‘right’ way, just whatever works & is right for you & your group.

Sometimes there are so many issues and also the behaviour of the person is such that it is difficult to give enough precise feedback on what they'd need to do differently for things to fundamentally change. Here, it isn't just stop asking for lifts. If it was a real friendship it would be worth fighting for but this person was foisted on the OP and her group in an awkward way, just added to a group chat by someone who didnt check it was ok fir her to be a permanent group member and left herself. Would it have been okay to just remove her then? There is no scenario here that doesnt put the OP in an awkward situation and vulnerable to "mean girl" comments.

Absolutely fair!
I thought there’d be quite a number of people suggesting ND. I am pleasantly surprised to be wrong!

I think starting a new group was absolutely right here. Susan was never asked to be in the group and had been an absolute pain. OP has no obligation to here and just wants to get on with things with her original friends.

She sounds a bit like my friend who is autistic and does not pick up at all on social cues or 'normal' behaviours

She doesn't mean to be rude or abrupt but if she's in a routine of this is how it's done ... Then it's almost impossible to get her to change her mind on something

Oi! Susan are you oblivious to sociatel norms such as please and thank you in which case it's long passed time you learnt them. No-one is saying you're a dickhead but that only because we too polite but yeah you're a piss taking chimps left paw so kindly refrain from such behaviour, thanking you

You are the first person to mention ND…..

We women?

As I said on another thread, I am not part of the Borg. I have autonomy.

New group is the only way. She's ruined the dynamics and enjoyment for the rest of you.

She's entitled and won't change.

Looks like the other person in your group who doesn't go any more dumped her on you and ran to get away from her tbh.

Don't need people like her in your life.

If it's not sinking in then unfortunately folk need to be more blunt....
Can you not implement the 45p per mile rule if having a lift?

Can I just add, I think your group needs one main organiser. Say it's YOU. If Susan starts messaging people asking for lifts or details Margaret, Betty or Pauline if they don't want to say a flat no can say FierceForester90 is the organiser and has all the info and refer her onto you. This is when u need to pull on your big girl pants and tell her. There's no way round it. All take turns driving that way no-one is being chauffeured around and all taking turns.

I've read your updates. Tbh I don't think it's a good idea posting randomly in the original group, I'd stop contact altogether. She isn't your friend and thats what a few commenters are forgetting, you don't need to make her feel included. Let her original friend reach out to her. Have you raised this with her friend that no longer interacts?

Start a new group without her and archive the current one?

Wind your neck in.
This lady is a CF. I am not saying that ND people use their ND as an excuse, I’m saying that people will happily excuse CF behaviour by suggesting she may be ND.
ND people should even more cross about this than I am, but there you go….attacking an ally rather than understanding the point they are making.

She sounds ridiculously selfish but it’s most likely her nature ( even tho it’s awful ) Either someone confronts her about her behaviour , ask her to return the stuff she “ borrowed “ and tell her she will need to drive if she wants to come etc etc . Or else say nothing and let it fester . . It might just be easier to start another WhatsApp group .

Just set a new chat up and organise things away from her. Then if she asks on the other everyone just says they have other things on or are ill etc until she gets the hint nasty or not no excuse for her behaviour either