To be absolutely fed up with a 'friend' in our group

Honestly I’d either delete her from the group (no loss is there) or start a 2nd group which makes the 1st group dead.

Deff just make a separate group!

Kind of reminds me of this scene.

45p is what HMRS currently deems to be what it costs to drive your car for business expenses ( Unless it has gone up recently). It includes the cost of depreciation, petrol, wear and tear etc. So not an unreasonable starting point for asking for petrol money!

If you’re at the point of having to tell another adult how to behave reasonably it’s game over surely? Agree with op the “rules” are cringe.

Just start a new group “wet weather walks” or something for the group minus her and the introducer. Say Susan doesn’t like wet weather walks so easier to use this group.

Quick while she is injured, plan anything that can require the matching swimsuit and come to collect it from her. Once you get it back, set up a new group and just ghost the old one.

I voted YABU BUT that is purely because your entire group are utterly bonkers to have let this carry on as long as you have!

You've gone to all the trouble of coming here and typing out an essay when you could have simply gone to the group whatsapp and written 'That doesn't work for us. best you sit this one out' or, even better, removed her from the group!

You could even take the coward's way out and close the group then start a new one.

HOW does a group of women - who are all clearly disgruntled by the actions of this individual and have been for some time - become so adverse to confrontation that they can't speak up for yourselves?

IMO putting up with her then bitching and moaning about it behind her back makes you all a part of the problem.

Also seems very fishy the original friend introduced her and then withdrew - almost like she was deliberately palming off Susan onto you all!

I would be so pissed off at that friend.

You’re very brave planning to have a proper chat with her and explain your grievances. I’d have just started a new chat group and ghosted her.

Has she replied to the message saying she shouldn’t come? Maybe she’ll get in a huff and bin you all. Job’s a good ‘un.

Doesn't anyone else find this suggested list of 'new rules' to be posted in the group incredibly passive agressive and a bit cringe. I am experiencing 2nd hand embarrassment at the obviousness of it.
Also, when she casually just breaks these rules, because she will be oblivious as to her own behaviour, someone is still going to have to be 'confrontational' and put this to her. Or she'll see them and take massive offence and cause the sort of trouble you are all trying to avoid anyway.

It sounds like she does not read social situations or peoples emotions very well. If you put ground rules in the chat I really don't think she would pick up on that at all. I can't helping thinking if this was a child people would be suggesting she is somewhere on the spectrum, ( I don't mean that to be offensive and I'm no expert so happy to be corrected in a non aggressive manner of obviously) that doesn't mean everyone else's life should be made miserable and the enjoyment should be taken out of your gatherings. Out of interest is she still friends with your original friend or has she just been dumped on you? Are you still in touch with the other friend? Are you able to speak to her about it and find out how she managed with her?

I would say not to post rules and tell her she is rude . Just do you.
Don’t engage - ignore her requests. If she messages directly say that you are unable to give her a lift / sorry I can’t help. Be a broken record no reasons.
Tell others what you have decided to do and then if’s up to them how they respond.

If no one takes her she won’t come.
Set up a second group and plan half the trips on there so it’s a slow fade.

I totally understand where you're coming from and would also struggle with this....but one of the posters suggested a general message to your WhatsApp with "rules" which doesn't name names but gets the point across so I would deffo go with that option lol. Good luck!

Jesus Christ give me her number I'm just in the mood today to tell somebody where to get off.
Why are some people so bloody entitled

it’s easier said than done, but someone needs to tell her how her behaviour is affecting the group and at least give her the chance to remedy it. Perhaps she’s genuinely
unaware how she comes across? If you tell her and she doesn’t acknowledge it or doesn’t change then you’re justified in starting another group and she will be aware of your reasons why.

Start a new group and ignore her.

Read the book "not nice" by Aziz Gazipura - its very good for breaking out of people pleasing

I know it's crazy and a bit pathetic....but I think because it's gone on for so long it's got "bigger" and speaking up now with a whole list of grievances can feel scary (and confrontational) for some people....

45p a mile! Im all for petrol money but jesus

Bring her to the top of the mountain and leave her there.

But this is my point - asking for your own stuff back or saying you are unable to give someone a life isnt "confrontation". If you asked someone at work for a lift somewhere and they said "sorry, I can't" would you then tell everyone that they had "confronted" you? of course you wouldn't.

Saying no isnt confrontation. By this rationale, you'd have to say yes to everything no matter how unappealing the suggestion. I appreciate people find it hard to say no but then, dont bitch/complain about it behind their backs 🤷‍♀️

This is excellent advice.

I think it would be mean to start a new group without her, and think the advice above is a great way of confronting the issues and setting ground rules. Hopefully she will get the hint! But it also avoids just leaving her out altogether.

Exactly what I was thinking! why aren't people saying something to this mannerless ungrateful woman?