To be absolutely fed up with a 'friend' in our group

I can't believe @AnyoneWhoHasAHeart is defending Susan.

She wasn't "welcomed into the group" at all. Someone added her then left the group. The rest were lumbered with someone they neither knew nor wanted.

They tried to make the best of it but Susan takes other people's stuff and doesn't return it, demands lifts ans assistance but never reciprocates nor expresses appreciation, and was such a nightmare on an overnight trip the trips have stopped.

She's a one-woman social plague.

The OP should pop over to pick up the borrowed items then explain to Susan that including her in the hiking group really isn't working for them, so that's an end to it.

Rip the plaster off and have done with it.

You need to start being more direct with her. She's only doing it because you're allowing it. "I'll come but I'll need lifted etc" "sorry Susan but that sounds like it might be a health and safety risk for you and the rest of the group. Please leave it until you are feeling better and can manage the hike independently"

'We are arranging a drivers rota please see who's doing what weeks, please contribute £x for a mileage kitty given petrol prices are rising so it's fair for everyone" "Susan I'm happy to take your photo but please take mine after"

Tbh I'm wondering if she's autistic, possibly never diagnosed as many women of a particular age weren't in which case very direct and clear but calm responses will help this.

So what’s your point then Anyone? That op and the others are to meekly put up with being treated rudely and basically like staff on an ongoing basis just because this woman has happened by chance to have been foisted on them (by someone who then notably has since vanished). Such a weird world view.

Yes but it’s always the ops fault remember 🙄

Also I think calling the group “gutless” is really nasty. They’ve been nice enough to put up with this dreadful woman for a while by the sounds of it and are now rightfully getting fed up of her treatment of them. It’s really difficult having these conversations in real life.

@FierceForester90 I really cannot see any alternative here but making another group. I doubt she'll take any 'feedback' well and it doesn't sound like there are positives here that means when she is 'behaving' her company is enjoyable. Unless there is something you haven't mentioned.

Oh 😂 she’s got the hide of a rhino. I guess your best bet really would be to take a hard line (and get the others on side too, no weak links here!) with her tomfoolery and if she carries on then oust her altogether I guess. If you just all said no to lifts, what would happen?

"This is an established friendship group that people were kind enough to invite a relative stranger into, and this woman has now made the whole thing an ordeal for people." @Takenoprisoner

I do get what @AnyoneWhoHasAHeart is saying.

But this isn't a group of university friends that are just deciding to ghost someone after years with no comment. And it's very interesting that the original person who introduced her to the group seems to have ghosted them all!

Hold on, I wouldn't consider this 'One flaw', this is her entire personality it seems. She's rude, entitled, demanding of people's time and resources, has usurped someone's swimming costume, never says please or thank you, doesn't contribute to driving costs, nor the driving itself... op says she was a nightmare on the trip away to the point where people don't want to go away with her anymore.

This is an established friendship group that people were kind enough to invite a relative stranger into, and this woman has now made the whole thing an ordeal for people.

This woman is exactly the sort of person you wouldn't want as a friend, nor the type that makes even casual social interactions enjoyable.

She's broken every friendship rule going, the most important of which is respect for others.

This is not just 'annoying' as you say, nor is it 'one flaw'.

Her type won't understand if you try to explain that she's being offensive. She will probably get the hump if/when you say something, and if you're lucky she'll leave the group.

But actually, I agree with PP, make a new group that excludes her: you're not a charity for people who don't know how to behave.

If you care about her and want to stay friends then you could say, ‘you need to give back the things you borrowed, friendships are a two way street, I would also like a thank you sometimes’ If you are able to say that.

If you just want a quiet life then yes make a new group.

I do think you will feel better about it if you say what you need to say to her and give her a chance, either she will change or won’t but she has been give a chance and you will have no bad feelings.

Did you get a reply to your message in the end @FierceForester90 ?

Excellent post

Hilarious the initial friend has now peeled off from the group - is there not another local ramblers' society you can steer Susan towards yourself?!

I am not sure how much energy I'd put in trying to - effectively - reparent her by teaching her some manners.

In an ideal world the bloody introducer would have the difficult conversation she created the issue in the first place. I’d be quite irked at her tbh.

It's so awkward when someone else makes an introduction then steps back out of it leaving the newcomer for everyone else to deal with. I'd be having words with the original friend that introduced her to the group and ask if she's always this difficult to deal with. And is she the reason that the original friend stepped back....

@FierceForester90
The problem is everyone in your group sees her as a 'friend', albeit a difficult one, whereas she sees you all as her unpaid employees and thus feels able to order you all about.

Why else would she expect pick ups, drop offs, and now she's asking you all to help bodily lift her?!!

At this point you're all enabling this outrageous behaviour. Say no, and keep saying it.

I wouldn't dream of getting into it with such a mannerless person.

I couldn't give a damn if ghosting them is "mean".

I would be asking people directly to meet up separately, ask if they would like a new group and go from there.

I wouldn't hesitate to block her number.
Life is too short for pussy footing around such people.

If no one is going to talk to her direct about her manners and needing to contribute etc, I think the best advice is to post those rules someone suggested (maybe agree them with the rest beforehand).

Susan has joined the thread ie Anyone 😄. Why is there fault on both sides? No one else but her is problematic

I really can sympathise with this.

That scenario is not equivalent at all. That’s a young person starting out in the world. This is a 50 plus woman.

My Dd did similar. A girl in her group was being left out of invites. Dd felt bad about it told her why (she made consistent put down snarky comments and reasonably enough the girls were getting sick of it). She was grateful but weirdly didn’t change her ways. She’s no longer in their group. So it’s not always as neat as that.