To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

I find this equally as bizarre.

My mum remains my mum, but her commitment to paying for things for me ended a long long time ago.

There is more to being a parent than paying for stuff, and OP isn’t failing her daughter by asking her to pay for something herself.

Would your parents still help you if you told them to fuck off?

I find this attitude so bizarre. My auntie and uncle are like it - their kids turned 18 and suddenly they decided they didn’t need to be a parent anymore. An 18 year old is an adult in name only and as a parent it is your responsibility to help them. My parents still help me now - they brought me into the world and they didn’t stop being my parents just because I am married with my own children.

I would be backing right off after how she spoke to you! She’s probably angry as it’s something her friends parents cover? We paid for our kids’ licence, lessons, test, car the lot.

This is ridiculous

I got a job and paid for my own driving licence, lessons, car and insurance

I never expected my parents to pay for any of it

Snowflake, entitled, wet blanket children. All they want to do these days is not work, parents provide and oh yes, I'll be an influencer

It is massively spoilt to expect your parents to pay for this

What? Why? If a parent chooses to offer to fund it then that's up to them but it's certainly not expected or at least it shouldn't be. There's no way I'd have allowed my parents to pay for my driving lessons. If you're mature enough to drive, you're mature enough to budget and pay for it.

"Her daughter is now paying the price"! What an overstatement. Are you always so dramatic?

What makes her spoilt is not paying for anything currently, and swearing at her mum when things don't go her way. You're getting distracted.

The op hasn’t budgeted properly and her daughter is now paying the price.

There are worse things in the world, she'll live.

Tbf the DD isnt paying the price of anything right now 😬

but, she can pay for them herself though, she doesnt have to martyr herself over this. I mean, if its so important that she learns right now otherwise..I dunno....thumbs drop off non-drivers when they reach 19 now or something

This is an excellent much needed life lesson to the DD - shit happens, plans can go sideways, "promises" cant always be kept if something unexpected happens, and you have to be resilient and find solutions. Suck it up im afraid, welcome to adulthood!!

Being upset is fine. That's a totally human reaction and not spoilt - you're right.

However, telling your parents to "fuck off" over it is very much the behaviour of a spoilt brat.

Lessons cost a lot. £70/two hours where I live. Maybe talk about the expense and she can pay for some.

I do not think it is spoilt to think your parents will pay for driving lessons, especially when they have promised they will. I also do not think it is spoilt to be upset when money that was promised to you is now being denied.

The op hasn’t budgeted properly and her daughter is now paying the price.

Her sick pet over her spoilt daughter. Adjectives matter.

We taught all our 4 kids to drive ourselves, and then just a few lessons before the test. MyvDB did tge samecwith all his kids. It teally does save a lot of money.

Prioritising a pet's health over a brattish daughter's driving lessons is not wrong. She is not saying the driving lessons can never happen or that the daughter will have to wait years for them is she? If the daughter is that desperate to drive then she can bloody well pay for her own lessons especially as she doesn't pay for anything else.

If it were between the pet's health and the daughter's health I could understand your logic but as it is you are just a ridiculous hard hearted person and I sincerely hope you don't have pets. I bet you have entitled children though!

Mine won’t, shall I put him to sleep so someone can learn to drive?

Slippery slope to go down. Not all children grow up to contribute, and not all tax payers are net contributors.

And in the OPs case she has decided to have both, overstretched herself and is now prioritising the pet over her daughter!

We paid for DD to learn and pass, but as she doesn’t need a car she can pay for a car and insurance when the time comes. She passed before uni and went to a commutable (just) uni but chose to live at uni. Had she chosen to live at home, we’d have got her a car but instead the money has gone on supporting her there.
Your daughter will be upset because often people need around a years worth of weekly lessons and they are not cheap; and you originally said you would pay. She shouldn’t have told you to fuck off but I wouldn’t fixate on that as long as there is a proper apology when she calms down as if someone had told me they’d give me £2K + and then suddenly treated me as if I was entitled for wanting it I’d be a bit miffed too.

No one NEEDS to have a child. They have them because they are a selfish want, same as having a pet.

They may grow up to be a valuable member of society but they just as likely may not.

Most pets cost a fraction of the cost over their lives that a child costs so a child would seem to be the bigger luxury.

It's highly unlikely most children will go on to contribute to society. More and more young people decide they do not want to work and realise how easy it is to get benefits.

The vast majority of people are not net contributors to society. Chances are OP's DD will take much more than she ever gives back.

'Most' is not all. How many go on to rely on benefits?? That is a big drain. Much more expensive than a pet and at least with a pet the owner derives satisfaction as long as they treat the animal well.

No one should have a child or pet unless they are prepared for the financial responsibility and everything else it entails. Responsibility ends at 16 to 18 for a child.

You will need a more than £5k, if you are also factoring in buying a vehicle.

Insurance, after passing, is likely to be at least £1k, even for a small cheap car. Not so much whilst learning.

Lessons between £35-£50 and hour (at least 20 minimum (£700-£1000). In fact the average is nearer 50 hours of lessons plus practice in between.
Provisional licence £34.
Theory test £23.
Practical test £62-£75, £100s if you want a quick test. Plus cost of hiring your instructors vehicle (plus lesson before the test) £100+.
It's not a cheap endeavor.
(My son passed last year age 18).

What I would recommend is studying, taking and PASSING the theory test before starting practical lessons, you cant book a practical test until you've passed your theory (the pass last two years), the fail rate of the theory test is 50%!
Also get on a driving instructors wait list for lessons. We had to wait 6 months before my son could get any.

Of course they are - just because people like having pets doesn’t mean they are an essential part of being. It’s an extra financial expense that you don’t need. A luxury.

Pet people always compare pets to children and it’s so tiring. Children become adults that we need to continue society.

I mean, you're deluded if you think these children's taxes will fund any kind of state pension for much longer but that's a topic for another thread