To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

What I did with my son was he had 1 x 2hrs a week
he paid half and I paid half

when he did his test he paid for it
if he passed I gave him back what he paid

took him 3 attempts to pass

I’m a great believer in making people pay something no matter how much money you can / can afford

even now I will happily help him with an unexpected car bill or house bill

his last car bill was 1100 I gave him 800 towards it

Blimey! I paid for all my lessons and my tests - my mum put some money towards my car but it was very much expected I pay for it considering I was earning money and my mum was paying for all my food and mortgage etc! It won’t do her any harm at all to pay for it herself!

We just had an argument and she told me to fuck off so I’m quite upset.

Time to sit down and draw up reasonable expectations including her doing chores and paying rent (you could if you wanted use that rent for uni fees or driving lessons) OR she finds alternative accommodation. By doing everything for her and expecting nothing back is how you raise a spoilt child.

@fruitbrewhaha unless you’re planning on a very cheap car (which tbf you might well be) that won’t be enough. Lessons are usually around £40 an hour and even good drivers will need probably upwards of 20 hours, plus extra hours with you on top. Tests are £65 plus the theory fee and the provisional licence isn’t free either. My dd passed recently and bought her first car which is a 2014 golf with 100k on the clock for 5 grand, and insurance is £180 a month (which was quite cheap) There are cheaper cars out there but you unless you’re happy with something very old or with really high mileage there’s not much under 5k.
good luck!

5k won't even come close to covering that, I'm sorry to say.

Insurance alone will wipe out at least half your budget.

Okay, just seen your update. I think you should have had clearer expectations about her contributions from the point she began working and perhaps asked for some money for food, bills etc. Maybe the way forward is for you to pay for the licence but put her on notice that she has to start contributing to the household in, say, a month.

I still think you are being somewhat unreasonable towards her as you are changing the goalposts, however much you think she has it made at the moment, and acknowledging that wouldn't hurt.

🤣🤣🤣

I think you're going find it'll nowhere near cover lessons, test, car & insurance.

if she’s saving for uni, surely the more she saves the less you have to contribute, so it’s the same either way?

is there a reason she didn’t start learning at 17?

I paid for both mine, lessons and all test costs. It was to my benefit as much as theirs as they started learning at 17, passed about 17.5, and then I was free from taxi duties, school runs, trips to the shop for snacks etc 😂

if she’s planning uni and being sensible in her saving and spending I’d help her out on the driving. It’s bloody expensive and could wipe out her first years uni rent- which then you’d have to help with.

if you’re very skint could you agree she pays now, and you’ll pay the equivalent for her first years uni rent costs?

If you said you'd pay and are now going back on that, it's a bit crap and you at least need to apologise and explain about the big bill.

This is especially the case if a) she is working hard and saving up for uni which is presumably why she took a gap year - so it's unanticipated cost for her and b) you chose to live in a rural area where driving is essential, I think in that case parents have more of a duty to pay.

She shouldn't be swearing at you but I'm not surprised she's upset if she'd previously been told you'd pay and now you've changed your minds.

Oh that makes it all easy then. People who tell you to 'fuck off' get nothing. Stop doing everything for her.

It sounds like your finances are pretty stretched. In retrospect it may have been better not to give the lump sum as well as promising driving lessons if you didn't really have a big enough savings buffer . If you can't afford it then just say "Sorry things are a bit tight. Feel free to go ahead and begin with your own money but we aren't able to help out yet".

It’s not unreasonable to expect her to pay, if you make that clear all along so she can save the money up in advance. And if you plan to mitigate her lack of a licence while she saves up (giving lifts etc).

It is unreasonable to tell her that you’ll pay for it and then suddenly drop it on her that you won’t. Very few people would be happy with a £1k+ bill suddenly being dropped on them. Yes, she should save money anyway as a sensible thing to do, but you have still put her in a bad situation.

ILF Scotland. Look it up. Yes, he does have autism.

A grant?! Where on earth from? I've never heard of such a thing unless there are disabilities in the mix and even then it's rare.

My DS is currently learning to drive.
Theory test is about £25.

Lessons are about £40 per hour.
On MN you will be told they only need 5 lessons and they will pass no problem, but I would say this is not true generally and allow for 20 or even more lessons depending on what experience she already has and how she takes to it.
They have to pass the theory before they can apply for the actual test, and then there can be 6 months wait in some area for a test date, which will mean some holding lessons with the instructor to keep practice up and keep their place with the instructor.

She may not pass this year with the waiting times as they are even if she is a good driver.

It’s not unreasonable to expect her to pay if you haven’t got the money. Work it out between you.

If you insure her in your car and take her out that can help, still have professional lessons but hopefully fewer.

That's not really meeting in the middle is it? A provisional license is less than £50 as a one off cost, whereas lessons could easily cost £1k upwards depending how many she needs!

DS got a grant for all his lessons and his test. It was perfect due to the cost.

What exactly does DD use her wages on if you are paying for everything? If the answer is fun stuff then yes she should pay. Maybe meet in the middle and pay for her provisional licence and she pays for the lessons?

With mine I refused to pay for either test until they passed that particular test. That meant they paid for any fails and it helped sharpen their minds with the revision.

Parents pay around here but we are a reasonably affluent area and rural.

My dd is 16 and we are planning on paying for lessons, buy a car and first year of insurance. I’m budgeting on about £5k.