To expect my dd to pay for her driving licence ?

A reasonable 18year old would be disappointed and probably pissed off but would be able to understand the reason why Mum now cannot afford the lessons. Shit happens and young adults need to be a bit more resilient and not so entitled!
If my children had told me to fuck off the cash point would be closed for a long time @!

You’d put to sleep an animal so your daughter didn’t have to pay for driving lessons?

As in. You would end a life, admittedly not a human one but still, to avoid someone having to do something that many, many other people do anyway?

Prioritising a vet bill over a promise you made to your own child for a necessary life skill is rubbish. If I had a vet bill that was £5k, I would be putting the pet to sleep or asking the vet for a payment plan so I could keep my promise to my child.

I would never go back on my word for my children.

The daughter is owed the apology, not the OP.

"Promises" are the sort of thing i associate with friendship groups between 10 year olds.

The DD is an adult. More than old enough to be capable of appreciating things change in life, and you just have to crack on and be a grown up about it.

I wouldn't pay for anything if my daughter spoke to me like that. I couldn't afford to pay for my daughter's lessons. I paid for two tests, the theory test and insurance on my car so she could practise. She paid for her lessons herself. My daughters haven't ever spoken to me like that. If you promised and have gone back on your word it would be understandable she'd be upset but even so she shouldn't speak to you like that. She sounds like she has it pretty easy to me.

Of course they can. Financial circumstances change all the time.

It sounds like when you say you were supposed to pay for her to have driving lesson and for the exams for a drivers licence that this was a promise you made to her.

You cannot now back out of a promise due to a vet bill. That is incredibly unfair.

My dd is 18, y13 & learning to drive.

she has good pt job

she got 10 lessons from her dad for birthday
next lot of lessons her grandma gave her £ towards & she is covering the rest directly.

my contribution has been getting learner’s insurance for my car £250 - and taking her driving myself as much as her busy schedule allows.

Your DD is working ft & living for free at home.
YANBU.

I would be willing to bet she can afford it now but just doesn't see why she should pay for driving lessons when she doesn't pay for anything else.

You have no idea how old the pet is so why are you so sure it will be dead in 5 years time? You just seem such a know it all.

Plenty of youngsters don't have parents who spoil them and manage to pay for their own driving lessons even, shock horror, their own cars!

I don’t agree with some views on here that if children are paid for, don’t help round the house and don’t have a part time job, that they will grow up to be rude, entitled and not able to hold done a job.
Both our children were not expected to help unless it was an emergency. They did not have to get part time jobs. They studied hard, went to good universities. They now have good jobs and no they are not rude or entitled and are doing a very good job of bringing up their own young children.

I totally agree with you! X

Well luckily no one is asking you to pay for a pet's vet bill are they? You don't even know what the bill was for

Good for you.

There's a difference between not "daring" to tell you to fuck off and simply not telling you to fuck off?

One's fear based and the other is respect.

Isn't this why so many kids are entitled and have no respect. The poorer ones have the same expectations. Kids need to grow up. How are they gong to be decent parents and pay for their own kids if they can't look after themselves.

I paid for my own driving lessons and tests when in my 20s. I had to wait until I had a full time job. My parents had nothing to do with it. I bought my own car and paid my own car insurance and all other costs.

No child needs to have everything handed to them on a plate.

We paid for all of dc's lessons, and insurance on my car. Ds1 paid his own insurance out of his student loan, and ds2 had a choice- have a car and commute to uni or stay at uni and train it. He choose to stay so I've paid for his insurance on my car when he's home

How is paying for her own driving lessons from her own income, earned through well paying work, compromising her future?

Some people are fucking ridiculous.

I paid for my own driving lessons and tests. I worked and had money, and it wouldn't have ever occurred to me to expect my parents to fund it. But then I was raised to be very capable of doing things for myself.

She told you to fuck off

no way I would be paying for lessons for her with that attitude !

Congratulations you've raised a spoilt brat.

She should be contributing around the house and there should be consequences if she doesn't. It's letting her down to not teach her discipline and self-sufficiency. That said, if she won't get her license otherwise, you should definitely pay for it. I know people who didn't get their licence as teens; it gets harder and harder the older you get and the next thing you know they're middle aged and needing lifts from family and partners for everything. Not having a license is very limiting in life and will make things harder for you as well if she's wanting lifts all the time.

Yeah, my sons used their child trust funds (the government ones) to help pay for driving lessons/towards a car. They should bring those back. They were brilliant and actually useful.

I don't agree. It's normal in my world to help your kids. My son has always paid for part of it with his job money and of course his petrol etc but a car payment, insurance, lessons, etc is going to be a big ask when you just work part time at Tescos.

He is far from infantile. He is currently a second year student nurse and uses his car to get to placements as well as working at hospitals in his spare time.

I don't think voters realised that the OP meant the lessons, I'd also expect the OP to pay for lessons, it takes a long time for somebody that age to earn enough to pay for those.

Wow, that is going to be some old banger.

The DD wont be waiting for years. She'll still be young in a year or whenever she decides to pay for it herself or when op can.